Moral inversion that's become widely-accepted.

I want to preface this semi-tirade with a statement- I have had pre-marital sex.

Ok, that's out of the way. :P Now, on to the real subject- How is it that we as a society have come to so widely accept pre-marital sex, and even casual sex as normal and acceptable, and yet those same people choose to get married?

One of the original priveleges of being married was to get to reach a level of physical and emotional intimacy with another person. The idea was that you DON'T have sex with people until you get married. This made marriage a much MORE desirable thing than it has become today, because it also included access to one of the most valuable and desirable things that a person can experience- sex.

In our world today, marriage is viewed as a burden as much as it is a privilege, partly because people think "oh crap, now that I'm married to this person, I'm not supposed to have sex with anyone else.. I liked it better when I could have sex with people without commitment. Boy it sucks being tied down."

Well NO **** Of course it feels like you're being tied down, because if you choose to get married today, you're more than likely just being tied down to a used product anyways! Such a high percentage of adults have had multiple sex partners that they weren't married to. If people weren't all screwed-up and down 50 times before they got married, the marriages would work better because the physical intimacy would be valued much more, but the sex itself would be much more valuable. The devaluing of physical intimacy in our society has created a huge moral inversion that is to blame for many problems that we face.. namely:

-Unwanted pregnancies due to pre-marital (non-commital) sex

-The spread of STDs due to pre-marital sex with multiple partners

-The devaluing of physical intimacy in a relationship (since so many of us have already had sex many times before)

-Adds to divorce rates due to people feeling "ok" with having sex with someone other than their spouse. Having a "mate" used to mean that you just "mated" with that person. It's not a hard concept, but our moral weakness has apparently changed that.

Now you've heard my piece. Feel free to comment however you like.. just please don't argue that having lots of pre-marital sex with multiple partners doesn't devalue sex with someone that you "really care for." Sex is just like anything else that gets used too much, or misused. It loses value.

Tanks for teh lecture mommy!

.. but yeah.. i actually completely agree... thats one of the reasons that the divorce rate in the u.s is like 60% now or something ridiculous

Tanks for teh lecture mommy!

.. but yeah.. i actually completely agree... thats one of the reasons that the divorce rate in the u.s is like 60% now or something ridiculous

imaps3fanboy

Our society needs a bigger lecture than I can give it. We're all so arrogant and "don't give a crap" about the bigger picture that we're falling apart. There was a reason why marriage was created.

[QUOTE="imaps3fanboy"]

Tanks for teh lecture mommy!

.. but yeah.. i actually completely agree... thats one of the reasons that the divorce rate in the u.s is like 60% now or something ridiculous

hartsickdiscipl

Our society needs a bigger lecture than I can give it. We're all so arrogant and "don't give a crap" about the bigger picture that we're falling apart. There was a reason why marriage was created.

I completely agree...makes me depressed even thinking about it...because i know 90% of the girls i may like have already had sex with 1+ guys..

Marriage is about proving your love to the other person. If a person is worrying about not being able to have sex with anyone other then one person then they shouldn't be getting married because they are obviously not ready for it. Sex isn't something that is really emotional and personal any more. Society changes.xTheExploited

I don't know about you, but I still feel the need for an emotional bond before I get it on with someone. And given the obvious benefits of a monogamous, committed relationship, I'll take the limitations.

Hippies changed the way our society thinks about premarital sex. Have you ever heard of the summer of love?

Marriage is about proving your love to the other person. If a person is worrying about not being able to have sex with anyone other then one person then they shouldn't be getting married because they are obviously not ready for it. Sex isn't something that is really emotional and personal any more. Society changes.xTheExploited

I completely agree...makes me depressed even thinking about it...because i know 90% of the girls i may like have already had sex with 10+ guys..

Xx_Hopeless_xX

Fixed ;)

And yes, its sad that our country's morals are going down the drain.

[QUOTE="Xx_Hopeless_xX"]

I completely agree...makes me depressed even thinking about it...because i know 90% of the girls i may like have already had sex with 10+ guys..

Miyomatic

Fixed ;)

And yes, its sad that our country's morals are going down the drain.

Yeah..even worse...:cry:

If you think the main purpose behind marriage is being able to have sex with someone you're getting married for all the wrong reasons. I'd still marry the girl I want to marry even if for some reasons we couldn't have sex anymore. Sex should have nothing to do with marriage one way or the other, it's an intimate, beautiful and extremely satisfying act of nature that that reduces levels of stress, boosts your immune system, reduces that chances of prostate cancer, helps you sleep better, is impotant to your mental health .......and is now even proven to reduce chances of heart attack in men by up to 45%. You should always be safe about it and only do it with someone you truly care about but it isn't some kind of holy act sanctioned by god to have iwth one person once you have the proper papers signed.

I completely agree... my own marriage failed for precisely the same reason(s) (my wife figured that being faithful to just one man (me) with sooooo many other 'options' out there was unacceptable to her - wish she had told me that before the wedding...) Now, I fear for my kids who are all teenagers now - as much as I hate to admit it, I secretly hope that they never marry so that they never have to know the pain that I have had to endure... I honestly believe now that the 'Institution' of marriage is little more than a bad, twisted joke...67gt500

[QUOTE="Miyomatic"]

[QUOTE="Xx_Hopeless_xX"]

I completely agree...makes me depressed even thinking about it...because i know 90% of the girls i may like have already had sex with 10+ guys..

Xx_Hopeless_xX

Fixed ;)

And yes, its sad that our country's morals are going down the drain.

Yeah..even worse...:cry:

Allow me to quote Stifler from American Pie 2:

"When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you ****ers learn anything in college?"

Nothing wrong with pre-marital sex at all.. do what you want. Only jerks go and sleep with other girls whilst with someone, which is sad, but if they were doing so; then why get married in the first place.

I only find marriage to be a financial thing as well as a religious thing, so it doesn't interest me at all, I can stay committed to my girlfriend all my life without getting married. Us having sex and expressing our love to one another would still be be same as having sex for the first time after marriage.

[QUOTE="Xx_Hopeless_xX"]

I completely agree...makes me depressed even thinking about it...because i know 90% of the girls i may like have already had sex with 10+ guys..

Miyomatic

Fixed ;)

And yes, its sad that our country's morals are going down the drain.

Can't say I agree in the slightest that our morals are going down the drain...

I'm not going to have premarital sex, but I will forgive my wife if she has had any.

Can't say I agree in the slightest that our morals are going down the drain...

chessmaster1989

I'm not going to have premarital sex, but I will forgive my partner if she has had any. [QUOTE="chessmaster1989"]

Can't say I agree in the slightest that our morals are going down the drain...

Genetic_Code

Oh no, even as an objectivist I would disagree. And a relavist still can have an individual set of moral standards by which he/she can jude the morality of society.

[QUOTE="Miyomatic"]

[QUOTE="Xx_Hopeless_xX"]

I completely agree...makes me depressed even thinking about it...because i know 90% of the girls i may like have already had sex with 10+ guys..

chessmaster1989

Fixed ;)

And yes, its sad that our country's morals are going down the drain.

Can't say I agree in the slightest that our morals are going down the drain...

Some may call it that, others may simply call it change. Depends who you talk to I guess.

I agree with you TC granted I still think it doesn't make pre-marital sex "bad".

I think the importance here isn't really waiting till marriage, but just taking sex more seriously.

SEX ISN'T A HANDSHAKE PEOPLE!!!!

People seem to only think about the physical aspects of sex now completely ignoring what is actually GREAT about sex, which is the emotional connection you have with the person that you express through sex.

If you rush sex into a relationship I see it as a great way to kill said relationship quickly, as sex is pretty much the "peak" of the relationship. I feel if you make sex something you work towards it will be that much more special when you do have it.

Of course I very much believe sex should hapen before marriage to make sure the couple is sexually compatible. If it turns out you don't satisfy eachother then you are tied down into a SERIOUS commitment.

I say all this as a virgin, but the main reason I am still a virgin is because I am waiting to find a girl I feel connected too who also feels connected to me.

SEX ISN'T A HANDSHAKE PEOPLE!!!!

LostProphetFLCL

[QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

SEX ISN'T A HANDSHAKE PEOPLE!!!!

Genetic_Code

I am pretty sure I did:P

I question myself in cases like that though as we humans are known to sub-consciously plagerize from time to time.

[QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

SEX ISN'T A HANDSHAKE PEOPLE!!!!

Genetic_Code

i disagree, sex should NEVER be a reason or incentive to get married. but i see your reasoning and there are two sides: yes both people waiting till marriage would make them feel more close i'm sure. but there are also the couples who have had sex with multiple partners and yet decided to get married, usually, because they actually connect with each other.

and of course i would want a wife who had never been with anyone else, but do you think im gonna find a virgin?......:lol:

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

bebop013

Actually, I have like 12 in my basement....

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

i disagree, sex should NEVER be a reason or incentive to get married. but i see your reasoning and there are two sides: yes both people waiting till marriage would make them feel more close i'm sure. but there are also the couples who have had sex with multiple partners and yet decided to get married, usually, because they actually connect with each other.

and of course i would want a wife who had never been with anyone else, but do you think im gonna find a virgin?......:lol:

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

bebop013

The last girl I asked out was a virgin actually...

She unfortunately rejected me though....

[QUOTE="bebop013"]

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

Miyomatic

Actually, I have like 12 in my basement....

:lol:

[QUOTE="bebop013"]

i disagree, sex should NEVER be a reason or incentive to get married. but i see your reasoning and there are two sides: yes both people waiting till marriage would make them feel more close i'm sure. but there are also the couples who have had sex with multiple partners and yet decided to get married, usually, because they actually connect with each other.

and of course i would want a wife who had never been with anyone else, but do you think im gonna find a virgin?......:lol:

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

LostProphetFLCL

The last girl I asked out was a virgin actually...

She unfortunately rejected me though....

[QUOTE="bebop013"]

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

LostProphetFLCL

The last girl I asked out was a virgin actually...

She unfortunately rejected me though....

i can't tell you how many time one of my friends has introduced me to some dime that claims shes a virgin, only to find out months later she's done things hookers won't.

[QUOTE="LostProphetFLCL"]

[QUOTE="bebop013"]

i disagree, sex should NEVER be a reason or incentive to get married. but i see your reasoning and there are two sides: yes both people waiting till marriage would make them feel more close i'm sure. but there are also the couples who have had sex with multiple partners and yet decided to get married, usually, because they actually connect with each other.

and of course i would want a wife who had never been with anyone else, but do you think im gonna find a virgin?......:lol:

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

Setsa

The last girl I asked out was a virgin actually...

She unfortunately rejected me though....

Nah she was just very sweet and religious.

She also saw just throwing her virginity to someone as not respecting herself.

Despite her being the most beautiful girl I have met, I 100% believed she was a virgin after getting to know her a bit.

[QUOTE="bebop013"]

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

mattbbpl

Demographical difference, perhaps?

20's thats amazing. do you know for sure or are you just assuming, cuz you should never assume.

[QUOTE="mattbbpl"][QUOTE="bebop013"]

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

Demographical difference, perhaps?

20's thats amazing. do you know for sure or are you just assuming, cuz you should never assume.

Good commentary, and I mostly agree with what you said TC. Marriage used to mean finding that "special someone" that you'd be with forever, but society is starting to realize that that special someone doesn't necessarily exist, and such an outlook can be the mere by-product of one's imagination. By the time my generation hits adulthood (I'm 17 atm), having "experience" before marriage will be considered a social norm. Times are changing, and people are acting more so based on their id.Setsa

I graduated a couple of years ago, and even now I often hear how popular "sexting" has gotten with the girls in the classes below me. Makes me scared to have a daughter someday...

I graduated a couple of years ago, and even now I often hear how popular "sexting" has gotten with the girls in the classes below me. Makes me scared to have a daughter someday...

Miyomatic

I graduated a couple of years ago, and even now I often hear how popular "sexting" has gotten with the girls in the classes below me. Makes me scared to have a daughter someday...

Miyomatic

I certianly didnt rush into sex with my girlfriend. I waited 7 months since we started going out till she said she was ready.

[QUOTE="mattbbpl"][QUOTE="bebop013"]

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

bebop013

Demographical difference, perhaps?

20's thats amazing. do you know for sure or are you just assuming, cuz you should never assume.

I find it sad people find such a thing surprising nowadays...:(

[QUOTE="bebop013"]

[QUOTE="mattbbpl"] I actually know quite a few (most are in their 20's, as I'm also in my 20's). If you count people who have had sex but only with their spouse, then the number climbs quite a bit higher.

Demographical difference, perhaps?Xx_Hopeless_xX

20's thats amazing. do you know for sure or are you just assuming, cuz you should never assume.

I find it sad people find such a thing surprising nowadays...:(

Why, might I ask?

This is what i have to say about the issue: Marriage is not necessary. I feel that the perfect relationship is between two people. A person should never have more than one partner in their life, otherwise they are not trustworthy. How can you trust them if they have had multiple partners in the past (i'm not only talking about sexual partners), and you are just number 4 or 5 or 6 out of all of the people that they either betrayed or were not smart enough to realize that they were not going to be good together? I can't help but think of it as someone putting you on a waiting list until it is your turn..you know?

Now about marriage not being necessary. You love someone, and they love you. WHY do you need to be married? To express your love for each other? Tradition? Because you are religous? If you truly love your partner, you should be able to express your love for him/her without having to be married. Marriage is just an ancient ritual and tradition with no meaning at all, as proven by todays society with huge divorce rates.

You know, having a girlfriend sounds like it would be fun right now. Someone to be with and love in a non-family way. But then i look around at all the girls and i don't SEE anyone that i could trust for the rest of my life. Why? because they all have this belief that it is okay to love multiple people in that Non-family way, even if it is at different times in their lives. By having more than one "boy friend", or someone they love in a non-family way, they have already proven that they are not worthy of being trusted and loved (same goes both ways, boys and girls).

The problem is that we live in a moralless and valueless society. Rather than choosing someone to be your significant other based on their beliefs and values, most people choose their SO based on their personality and looks. This lack of beliefs is the reason for such a huge divorce rate. You can only be with someone who has the exact same values and morals as you, otherwise you are not going to have a good relationship (as i could tell by my mom/dad, Stepmom/dad, and Mom/stepdad...none of them have what i would consider a good relationship with no arguing or voice raising). If you choose your SO based on their morals and values, then there will be no arguing, or fights, or voice raising because you will automatically agree with everything your SO does. My dad and step mom are a good example of this. My dad is selfish and wants his time for himself, but my step mom is an altruist and volunteers for everything (and it gets annoying when she volunteers me to do things), so they end up having arguments or "fights" because they don't have the same values.

Just recently i had to sit in a group with a few other kids and determine what females are like when they are drunk (we had to label them with names and sayings). I've never seen a person when he/she was drunk, but the other kids in my group had. They ended up calling the women who were drunk a whole lot of names that I won't say, and as they were describing them I couldn't help but think "These are the types of people who are moralless, valueless, and the ones who are destroying what could make humanity something great". I can tell, just by listening to those punks, that they are not the type of person i would want my future SO to have had a relationship with...would you want your SO to have had a relationship with someone who swears, drinks and probably smokes and has been in multiple relationships before yours (i could tell they had been in many based on the way they were talking)?

Basically, i have a huge problem with the way relationships are currently handeled in the USA. I think the problem boils down to Morals and Values. Most people don't have them, and many of those that do simply don't care.

[QUOTE="Xx_Hopeless_xX"]

[QUOTE="bebop013"]

I find it sad people find such a thing surprising nowadays...:(

chessmaster1989

Why, might I ask?

i disagree, sex should NEVER be a reason or incentive to get married. but i see your reasoning and there are two sides: yes both people waiting till marriage would make them feel more close i'm sure. but there are also the couples who have had sex with multiple partners and yet decided to get married, usually, because they actually connect with each other.

and of course i would want a wife who had never been with anyone else, but do you think im gonna find a virgin?......:lol:

i thought about it the other day: i don't know A SINGLE FEMALE VIRGIN. NOT ONE! and im sure most people here have the same results

bebop013

[QUOTE="Xx_Hopeless_xX"]

[QUOTE="bebop013"]

20's thats amazing. do you know for sure or are you just assuming, cuz you should never assume.

chessmaster1989

I find it sad people find such a thing surprising nowadays...:(

Why, might I ask?

Proves the OP's point..and how people don't think of the future, how self serving they are...and how far the idea of sex after marriage and the view of marriage being something special has fallen..

Basically, i have a huge problem with the way relationships are currently handeled in the world. I think the problem boils down to Morals and Values. Most people don't have them, and many of those that do simply don't care.

hoola

I agree for the most part, however, I live in the US, so I cant comment on the whole world.