HURT/HEAL: Instant Death Returns!

Most of you were not around when HH:Instant Death brought Glory to the DWU. Our most popular and active thread ever. And what really got me active in this union. Well, it's back after like three years. So hopefully it will get more glory for us this time.

The rules are simple. There are characters on the main list, and their "life." All characters start with no life and gain more by "hurting/killing" others. Example: If Cao Cao has 1 life, and is attacked, he will lose that life and have zero life. His attacker will gain 1 life. You write your post and at the end type "Cao Pi Hurts Cao Cao." I will then update the score daily/semidaily. If Cao Cao gets attacked again he will be killed. That post will end with "Liu Bei KILLS Cao Cao." Get it?

Rules: You can only post 2 actions per day! You can only hurt/kill twise in one day. This is the hard part cuz we live all over the world, but i will judge as farely as possible. Just be honest and post no more than twise in one day (actions) (regular posts dont count against you).

So the list is coming up and i'll start us off.

High atop Mt. Doom, the evil SUNJIAN sits on his throne.

"Hmm. Im hungry. and so is the army. We need food!"

Messenger: "Sir, Xu Chu is here from wei with a message.

"Send him in."

"Lord SUNJIAN. I have come with AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

*Guards sneak up from behind and jab a sword into Xu Chu's back*

"Excellent! Activate the Giant Stove!"

*Hurray*

"Throw his fat butt in there! Tonight we FEAST!

*Xu Chu's fattness provided good eats to the Wu Army*

SUNJIAN HAS KILLED XU CHU

"Meng Huo! You're just as fat and twise as ugly as the fat-boy my army just ate!"

"Whaaat!?! Me and my sweetie are gonna knock your block off SUNJIAN!"

"Yeah! We're gonna learn ya!"

*Meng Huo and Zhu Rong are chargin atop their war elephant*

"Do you think I'm stupid! Im not some jungle boy like you Meng Huo!"

*SUNJIAN reveals his secret weapon*

"Squeek!"

"NOOO!!!"

*The elephant is defenseless*

*It rears back and knocks the married couple to the ground*

"NOO!!! AAAAAAAHHHRGG!!!"

*The elephant crushes Meng Huo, as Zhu Rong miraculously escapes*

"NOT so fast sweek cheaks!"

*SUNJIAN has captured Zhu Rong*

"It's off to my Royal Pleasure Palace for you my dear."

SUNJIAN HAS KILLED MENGHUO

a long time ago, in the land of Shu, there was the first court show.....

Narrator (Shakesperian, if that means anything to you.....) : This is the courtroom, of the chief justice of Shu, Judge Ma Chao. He takes no prisoners, and dispenses justice the Asiatic way, with cruel and unusual punishment. Now, lets look at his next case.

Baliff: All Rise!!! Judge Chao presiding

(Judge Chao takes his seat, situated so high above the rest of the rooms occupants one wonders how he can see any of them.)

Alright, you may be seated. What have we hear today?

Narrator: Todays plantiff is random peasnt. He is charging the defendant with being totally flaming gay The plantiff, Zhang He, denise these accusations are true, stating that he is mearly appreciating the natural beauty of battle, and the world, with his bizarre mannerisms and appearance

So lets see.... (looks at Zhange He.......)

( ;) 's at Ma Chao)

Guilty as charged!!! (bangs gavel)

b b b b BUT-

Yes we know, you like butt. And so I sentence you to death by elephant!!!

(Zhange He is dragged crying from the court room and thrown into the path of a stampeding elephant going to lunch)

Ma Chao KILLS Zhang He

"Well Liu Biao. Once the acid gets hot enough we shall begin.

*Liu Biao is tied helplessly above a pool of boiling acid*

Liu Biao: "You're MAD SunJian. MAD!"

"Yes, well. Your opinion will ceace to count once your dead. LOWER THE ROPES!"

*Liu Biao is slowely lowered into the pool of boiling acid. He screams as his skin and bones helt away*

"BwAHAHAHAHAHA!"

SUNJIAN HAS KILLED LIU BIAO

"Chen Biao! I dont know who you are, but you're about to die!

Chen Biao: "Screw you SUNJIAN! The SUN family will NEVER unite the land!"

*SUNJIAN and CHENBIAO select their pistols and walk ten paces*

*As CHENBIAO turns, he notices SUNJIAN behind him with his pistol pointed at his face*

Chen Biao: "NO! You cheated!"

"Yes Chen Biao, but I also win!"

*SUNJIAN pulls the trigger and CHENBIAO's head vanishes from the earth*

SUNJIAN HAS KILLED CHENBIAO

UPDATE!

WEI
Cao Cao
Cao Pi
Cao Ren
Cao Ang
Cao Bao
Cao Hong
Cao Shuang
Dian Wei
Pang De
Sima Yi
Sima Shi
Sima Zhao
Xiahou Dun
Xiahou Yuan
Xiahou Xuan
Xiahou Wei
Xiahou Shang
Xiahou Huo
Zhang Liao
Zhen Ji


WU

Sun Jian +4

Sun Ce
Sun Quan
Sun Shang Xiang
Gan Ning
Huang Gai
Ling Tong
Lu Meng
Lu Xun
Taishi Ci
Xiao Qiao
Da Qiao
Zhou Tai
Zhou Yu
Huangfu Song
Ling Tong
Sun Luban
Sun Shao
Sun Shi
Sun Zhong
Sun Kuang
Sun Jiao

Zhu Rong

SHU
Liu Bei
Liu Feng
Liu Chan
Zhuge Liang
Guan Yu
Zhang Fei
Pang Tong
Ma Chao +1
Huang Zhong
Jiang Wei
Wei Yan
Xing Cai
Yue Ying
Guan Ping
Guan Suo
Guan Xing
Jinhuansanjie
Liu Dai
Ma Dai

Dong Zhuo/Yellow Turban Alliance
Dong Zhuo
Lu Bu
Diao Chan
Hua Man
Zhang Liao
Zuo Ci
Bao Sanniang
Cai Zhong
Gongsun Fan
Gongsun Gong
Gongsun Du
He Jin
Gongsun Yuan
Lü Kuang

Killed:

Xu Chu - Eaten by SUNJIAN and the Wu Army
Meng Huo - Crushed by an elephant by SUNJIAN

Zhang He - Also crushed by an elephant on orders from MACHAO
Liu Biao - Lowered into a vat of boiling acid by SUNJIAN
Chen Biao - Shot in the head by SUNJIAN

Huang Gai enters the room carrying a club over his shoulder.

Huang Gai "Time for you to take a beating for being such a weeny Sun Jian."

Sun Jian "Weenie? You're going to beat a weenie? That sounds personal."

Huang Gai "It's time for you to step down so Sun Ce can kick booty, and yours is in the way!"

Sun Jian "Would it help if i shook it?"

:Huang Gai becomes noticably angry.:

:Huang Gai swings his massive club and knocks Sun Jian across the room wounding him badly:

Huang Gai "If you can be crazy then I can too!!"

:Huang Gai has hurt Sun Jian with his club.:

Sun Ce enters the room.

Sun Ce "Hey, what's going on here. Why are you pounding my father with your club Huang Gai?"

Sun Jian "So you two can continue making statements with phalic undertones..."

Sun Ce "What are you saying, father? Am I not manly enough for you?"

Sun Jian "Well your voice actor does talk kind of wimpy since DW4!"

:Enraged Sun Ce rams hisStudded Tonfa into Sun Jian's mouth busting out several of his teeth:

Huang Gai "Way to go Sun Ce!!"

:Sun Ce has hurt Sun Jian:

UPDATE!

WEI
Cao Cao
Cao Pi
Cao Ren
Cao Ang
Cao Bao
Cao Hong
Cao Shuang
Dian Wei
Pang De
Sima Yi
Sima Shi
Sima Zhao
Xiahou Dun
Xiahou Yuan
Xiahou Xuan
Xiahou Wei
Xiahou Shang
Xiahou Huo
Zhang Liao
Zhen Ji


WU

Sun Jian +2

Sun Ce +1
Sun Quan
Sun Shang Xiang
Gan Ning
Huang Gai +1
Ling Tong
Lu Meng
Lu Xun
Taishi Ci
Xiao Qiao
Da Qiao
Zhou Tai
Zhou Yu
Huangfu Song
Ling Tong
Sun Luban
Sun Shao
Sun Shi
Sun Zhong
Sun Kuang
Sun Jiao

Zhu Rong

SHU
Liu Bei
Liu Feng
Liu Chan
Zhuge Liang
Guan Yu
Zhang Fei
Pang Tong
Ma Chao +1
Huang Zhong
Jiang Wei
Wei Yan
Xing Cai
Yue Ying
Guan Ping
Guan Suo
Guan Xing
Jinhuansanjie
Liu Dai
Ma Dai

Dong Zhuo/Yellow Turban Alliance
Dong Zhuo
Lu Bu
Diao Chan
Hua Man
Zhang Liao
Zuo Ci
Bao Sanniang
Cai Zhong
Gongsun Fan
Gongsun Gong
Gongsun Du
He Jin
Gongsun Yuan
Lü Kuang

Killed:

Xu Chu - Eaten by SUNJIAN and the Wu Army
Meng Huo - Crushed by an elephant by SUNJIAN

Zhang He - Also crushed by an elephant on orders from MACHAO
Liu Biao - Lowered into a vat of boiling acid by SUNJIAN
Chen Biao - Shot in the head by SUNJIAN

"You treasonous little bastard!"

"But Father I...!"

"To Hell with you Boy!!!"

*SUNJIAN kicked SUNCE into the bottomless pit of doom*

"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

*SUNJIAN HAS HURT SUNCE*

*SUNJIAN shouts down the bottomless pit of doom*

"There's just one thing I forgot to mention boy!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"

"Yeah, that bottomless pit! It's not bottomless!"

*SUNCE FALLS ONTO A BED OF SPIKES*

*SUNJIAN HAS KILLED SUNCE*

UPDATE!

WEI
Cao Cao
Cao Pi
Cao Ren
Cao Ang
Cao Bao
Cao Hong
Cao Shuang
Dian Wei
Pang De
Sima Yi
Sima Shi
Sima Zhao
Xiahou Dun
Xiahou Yuan
Xiahou Xuan
Xiahou Wei
Xiahou Shang
Xiahou Huo
Zhang Liao
Zhen Ji


WU

Sun Jian +4

Sun Quan
Sun Shang Xiang
Gan Ning
Huang Gai +1
Ling Tong
Lu Meng
Lu Xun
Taishi Ci
Xiao Qiao
Da Qiao
Zhou Tai
Zhou Yu
Huangfu Song
Ling Tong
Sun Luban
Sun Shao
Sun Shi
Sun Zhong
Sun Kuang
Sun Jiao

Zhu Rong

SHU
Liu Bei
Liu Feng
Liu Chan
Zhuge Liang
Guan Yu
Zhang Fei
Pang Tong
Ma Chao +1
Huang Zhong
Jiang Wei
Wei Yan
Xing Cai
Yue Ying
Guan Ping
Guan Suo
Guan Xing
Jinhuansanjie
Liu Dai
Ma Dai

Dong Zhuo/Yellow Turban Alliance
Dong Zhuo
Lu Bu
Diao Chan
Hua Man
Zhang Liao
Zuo Ci
Bao Sanniang
Cai Zhong
Gongsun Fan
Gongsun Gong
Gongsun Du
He Jin
Gongsun Yuan
Lü Kuang

Killed:

Xu Chu - Eaten by SUNJIAN and the Wu Army
Meng Huo - Crushed by an elephant by SUNJIAN

Zhang He - Also crushed by an elephant on orders from MACHAO
Liu Biao - Lowered into a vat of boiling acid by SUNJIAN
Chen Biao - Shot in the head by SUNJIAN

Sun Ce - tossed into the "bottomless pit" by SUNJIAN

Dian Wei: I dont know who the f*** you are... but im gonna rip ur head off anyways!!!

Dian Wei KILLS Bao Sanniang

*Gongsun Gong plays on a jack-in-the-box*

Gongsun Gong: All around the Mulberry Bush, The monkey chased the weasel. The monkey stopped to pull up his sock, Pop! goes the weasel. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I peed my pants!!!!!! YAYYYYYYY!!!!

*Out pops Dian Wei out of the jack-in-the-box and strangles him until his eyes pop outta socket*

Dian Wei KILLS Gongsun Gong

*Guan Ping lies tied to a table, a laser beam advancing up towards his sac*

Guan Ping: "You expect me to talk?!?"

"Noooo Mr. Ping.... I expect you to DIE!"

*GUANPING HAS BEEN SLICED BY SUNJIAN*

Dong Zhuo has Diao Chan tied up at the mouth of a volcano ready to throw her in.

Ha he he heh thought you could fool Dong Zhuo into believeing you loved him?!!

no Dong Zhuo. it was not for me to fool you. throw me in my sweet if you must. :tears in her eyes:

what?!! insolent byoch!! INTO THE FURNACE WITH YOU!!!!

however, in his haste to push in Diao Chan, Dong Zhuo stumbles and slips missing her and falling into the volcano himself!!

well, it appears Dong Zhuo has committed suicide!?

in which case Dong Zhuo both loses a hitpoint and then gains a hitpoint in an eternal loop for all eternity!! never dying, but burning in a volcano forever. or at least till it becomes inactive?what a terrible fate! yet perfect!

bwhahahahah

Dong Zhuo is in hurt/heal HELL!!!!!!! (though Diao Chan gets nothing for it.)

::o other players immediately wave over the ref:

Dong Zhuo has Diao Chan tied up at the mouth of a volcano ready to throw her in.

Ha he he heh thought you could fool Dong Zhuo into believeing you loved him?!!

no Dong Zhuo. it was not for me to fool you. throw me in my sweet if you must. :tears in her eyes:

what?!! insolent byoch!! INTO THE FURNACE WITH YOU!!!!

however, in his haste to push in Diao Chan, Dong Zhuo stumbles and slips missing her and falling into the volcano himself!!

well, it appears Dong Zhuo has committed suicide!?

in which case Dong Zhuo both loses a hitpoint and then gains a hitpoint in an eternal loop for all eternity!! never dying, but burning in a volcano forever. or at least till it becomes inactive?what a terrible fate! yet perfect!

bwhahahahah

Dong Zhuo is in hurt/heal HELL!!!!!!! (though Diao Chan gets nothing for it.)

::o other players immediately wave over the ref:

Bruneauinfo

here is how i shall interpret this. Diao Chan's sweet a$$ was way to distracting for Dong Zhuo to pay attention. So she is responsible for his death.

UPDATE!

WEI
Cao Cao
Cao Pi
Cao Ren
Cao Ang
Cao Bao
Cao Hong
Cao Shuang
Dian Wei +2
Pang De
Sima Yi
Sima Shi
Sima Zhao
Xiahou Dun
Xiahou Yuan
Xiahou Xuan
Xiahou Wei
Xiahou Shang
Xiahou Huo
Zhang Liao
Zhen Ji


WU

Sun Jian +5

Sun Quan
Sun Shang Xiang
Gan Ning
Huang Gai +1
Ling Tong
Lu Meng
Lu Xun
Taishi Ci
Xiao Qiao
Da Qiao
Zhou Tai
Zhou Yu
Huangfu Song
Ling Tong
Sun Luban
Sun Shao
Sun Shi
Sun Zhong
Sun Kuang
Sun Jiao

Zhu Rong

SHU
Liu Bei
Liu Feng
Liu Chan
Zhuge Liang
Guan Yu
Zhang Fei
Pang Tong
Ma Chao +1
Huang Zhong
Jiang Wei
Wei Yan
Xing Cai
Yue Ying
Guan Suo
Guan Xing
Jinhuansanjie
Liu Dai
Ma Dai

Dong Zhuo/Yellow Turban Alliance
Lu Bu
Diao Chan +1
Hua Man
Zhang Liao
Zuo Ci
Cai Zhong
Gongsun Fan
Gongsun Du
He Jin
Gongsun Yuan
Lü Kuang

Killed:

Xu Chu- Eaten by SUNJIAN and the Wu Army
Meng Huo - Crushed by an elephant by SUNJIAN

Zhang He- Also crushed by an elephant on orders from MACHAO
Liu Biao - Lowered into a vat of boiling acid by SUNJIAN
Chen Biao- Shot in the head by SUNJIAN

Sun Ce - tossed into the "bottomless pit" by SUNJIAN

Bao Sanniang- head ripped off by DianWei

Gongsun Gong- strangled by DIANWEI

Guan Ping- Sliced in-two with a laser by SUNJIAN

Dong Zhuo- Distracted-to-death by DIAOCHAN

When last we left Diao Chan she was tied up at the mouth of a volcano...

what's a poor girl like me to do? i'm all tied up. if i try to move i could fall.

fear not Diao Chan!!i your one true hunk of manly love has arrived to save you!!!

oh, Lord Lu Bu!!!!

Diao Chan!!! My love!!!

:Lu Bu runs to embrace his love and save her from peril.:

Unfortunately, Diao Chan is overcome with the same urge to run to her lover with the stereotypical love music ringing in her ears and she trips and falls on her beatiful face - at the exact same moment when Lu Bu would have embraced her. Unfortunately (again) for Lu Bu the hand of chaos deals him the unfortunate blow of unfortunately sending him to his unfortunate doom deep within the bowels of the volcano to spend eternity in...

bwahahahahaha!!!

unfortunate HURT/HEAL HELL!!!!!!!

the a$$ of Diao Chan strikes AGAIN!!!!!

Jiang Wei found

Pang De spying on Shu ladies undressing and addressed the problem only to find out that Pang De was actually looking for Jiang Wei.

Jiang Wei "Why would I be with the ladies undressing"

Pang De "Because with your hair in a ponytail you look similar to one, HAHAHA!!"

Jiang Wei "I'll show you who the lady is!"

Jiang Wei wields his trident and attempts to stab Pang De, but Pang De narrowly evades the blow but gets knocked into the room with the ladies. The ladies are frightened at first but seek revenge on the peeping tom.

The ladies grab whatever heavy things they can wield and maul Pang De to his death, whilst Jiang Wei is watching in terror.

The ladies noticed Jiang Wei standing there, trident in hand and realize he was defending their honor and proceed with unbelievable intimacy upon him.

DOUBLE SCORE!!

UPDATE!

WEI
Cao Cao
Cao Pi
Cao Ren
Cao Ang
Cao Bao
Cao Hong
Cao Shuang
Dian Wei +2
Pang De
Sima Yi
Sima Shi
Sima Zhao
Xiahou Dun
Xiahou Yuan
Xiahou Xuan
Xiahou Wei
Xiahou Shang
Xiahou Huo
Zhang Liao
Zhen Ji


WU

Sun Jian +5

Sun Quan
Sun Shang Xiang
Gan Ning
Huang Gai +1
Ling Tong
Lu Meng
Lu Xun
Taishi Ci
Xiao Qiao
Da Qiao
Zhou Tai
Zhou Yu
Huangfu Song
Ling Tong
Sun Luban
Sun Shao
Sun Shi
Sun Zhong
Sun Kuang
Sun Jiao

Zhu Rong

SHU
Liu Bei
Liu Feng
Liu Chan
Zhuge Liang
Guan Yu
Zhang Fei
Pang Tong
Ma Chao +1
Huang Zhong
Jiang Wei +1
Wei Yan
Xing Cai
Yue Ying
Guan Suo
Guan Xing
Jinhuansanjie
Liu Dai
Ma Dai

Dong Zhuo/Yellow Turban Alliance

Diao Chan +2
Hua Man
Zhang Liao
Zuo Ci
Cai Zhong
Gongsun Fan
Gongsun Du
He Jin
Gongsun Yuan
Lü Kuang

Killed:

Xu Chu- Eaten by SUNJIAN and the Wu Army
Meng Huo - Crushed by an elephant by SUNJIAN

Zhang He- Also crushed by an elephant on orders from MACHAO
Liu Biao - Lowered into a vat of boiling acid by SUNJIAN
Chen Biao- Shot in the head by SUNJIAN

Sun Ce - tossed into the "bottomless pit" by SUNJIAN

Bao Sanniang- head ripped off by DianWei

Gongsun Gong- strangled by DIANWEI

Guan Ping- Sliced in-two with a laser by SUNJIAN

Dong Zhuo- Distracted-to-death by DIAOCHAN

Lu Bu - Distracted-to-death by DIAOCHAN

Pang De - Killed by a bunch of girls and JIANGWEI

Xing Cai : Sun Quan you son of a byoch you killed my lover's father Guan Yu . You shall pay. Sun Quan : I am sorry please don't kill me. Xing Cai: NOOOOOOO!!!! You must pay for what u have done. She takes her spear and shield and knocks him back then impales him. Xing Cai: I have avenged you Guan Yu.

bug_trevor

lol

Lui Bei after a hards day of work went to go to ShangXiang to have a goo time when he found her with his brother Guan Yu

ShangXiang:Lui Bei i thought you were working overtime!

Lui Bei:I finished overtime one hour ago, get a watch!!!!

Lui Bei continues:Guan Yu what are you doing with my wife!

Guan Yu:Well I dont want to tell you but, Chef from South Park will tell you

Chef: Im going to make sweet love to youre woman, Im goingto lay her down by the fire and corrupt the womanly body make her moooan at the fire!

Guan Yu:So thats what i was doing to you're wife!

Lui Bei:Well I'm going to kill you!

Lui Bei killed Guan YU and hurts sun ShangXiang

ShangXiang:Lui Bei i thought you were working overtime!

Lui Bei:I finished overtime one hour ago, get a watch!!!!

...

Lui Bei:Well I'm going to kill you!

Lui Bei killed Guan YU and hurts sun ShangXiang

jeffhardy141

lol

when last we left Diao Chan she was laying face down at the mouth of a volcano...

Diao Chan: ooof wwooof ifff mmmmmeeefffff.

: Diao Chan squirms around and manages to rise:

Diao Chan: ohh... my pretty face hurts and i'm so dizzy..... oh no!!! i'm going to fall into this Chasm of a volcano and burn into oblivion forever!!!

Luke: worry not, Priciess Diao Chan!!! i Luke Skywalker will save you!!

Diao Chan: yay Luke!! you saved me!! but i'm not a princess.... i'm a dancer and musician...

.

.

hold it right there Luke!!!

.

.

.

YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!!!!!!

.

.

.

Dia Chan: uhh....

.

.

AGGG my father CUT OFF MY HAND!!!!!

.

.

.

so at last! you admin i'm your father... a little pain brings out the truth!

.

.

.

don't worry luke!! i'll save you!!! i just found your sunbeam sword!

.

.

it CALLED a LIGHT Saber!!

.

.

.

.

.

i came for the weeny roast!! hey!! what's going on here!!!???

Diao Chan: okay Luke, duck! i'm throwing it!!

.

.

Vader: that's MY light saber!!

Vader less than miraculously uses the force to deflect the light saber which unfortunately finds its way into Huang Gai's chest!

Huang Gai: ouch that burns......

Dia Chan (yes, she threw the light saber with her mouth) hurts Huang Gai with a light saber!!!

Diao Chan: ooof wwooof ifff mmmmmeeefffff.

Bruneauinfo

for some reason that was the lol part for me. pix nice too.

Your mysticism wont save you now Zhu Ci. In my path to conquest all the monks of china must die.

Oh yeah, you can never defeat AAAAAAHGGGGGGGGG!!!

*Zhu Ci's heall falls to the floor.

When you gotta fight...fight...dont talk.

Ling Tong: "But what about the AAAAAAAAAHGGGGGGGGG!!!"

The Tiger baby... The Tiger.

*SUNJIAN kills ZHUCI and LINGTONG

UPDATE!

WEI
Cao Cao
Cao Pi
Cao Ren
Cao Ang
Cao Bao
Cao Hong
Cao Shuang
Dian Wei +2
Pang De
Sima Yi
Sima Shi
Sima Zhao
Xiahou Dun
Xiahou Yuan
Xiahou Xuan
Xiahou Wei
Xiahou Shang
Xiahou Huo
Zhang Liao
Zhen Ji


WU

Sun Jian +7
Gan Ning
Huang Gai

Lu Meng
Lu Xun
Taishi Ci
Xiao Qiao
Da Qiao
Zhou Tai
Zhou Yu
Huangfu Song
Ling Tong
Sun Luban
Sun Shao
Sun Shi
Sun Zhong
Sun Kuang
Sun Jiao

Zhu Rong

SHU
Liu Bei +2
Liu Feng
Liu Chan
Zhuge Liang
Zhang Fei
Pang Tong
Ma Chao +1
Huang Zhong
Jiang Wei +1
Wei Yan
Xing Cai +1
Yue Ying
Guan Suo
Guan Xing
Jinhuansanjie
Liu Dai
Ma Dai

Dong Zhuo/Yellow Turban Alliance

Diao Chan +3
Hua Man
Zhang Liao
Cai Zhong
Gongsun Fan
Gongsun Du
He Jin
Gongsun Yuan
Lü Kuang

Killed:

Xu Chu- Eaten by SUNJIAN and the Wu Army
Meng Huo - Crushed by an elephant by SUNJIAN

Zhang He- Also crushed by an elephant on orders from MACHAO
Liu Biao - Lowered into a vat of boiling acid by SUNJIAN
Chen Biao- Shot in the head by SUNJIAN

Sun Ce - tossed into the "bottomless pit" by SUNJIAN

Bao Sanniang- head ripped off by DianWei

Gongsun Gong- strangled by DIANWEI

Guan Ping- Sliced in-two with a laser by SUNJIAN

Dong Zhuo- Distracted-to-death by DIAOCHAN

Lu Bu - Distracted-to-death by DIAOCHAN

Pang De - Killed by a bunch of girls and JIANGWEI

Sun Quan - Impaled by Xing Cai

Guan Yu - killed by the jealous liu bei

Sun Shang Xiang killed by her jealous husband liu bei

Zhu Ci - head disappeareed by SUNJIAN

Ling Tong - his head joined zhu ci's by SUNJIAN

Huang Zhoung and Gan Ning are having a normal disscussion but then Haung Zhong YET again opens his old mouth about not being young.

Huang Zhong:You know you insolent whelp I'm old and you're young

Gan Ning:Yes,yes i know that

*Gan Ning starts doing cartwheels and back flips in Huang Zhoungs face*

Huang Zhoung:I could do that to you insolent help watch!

*Huang Zhong tries to do a cartwheel but old age makes him break his back and neck, he tries to get up and he breaks his legs gan ning tries to pick him up by the hand and Huang Zhong breaks his hands to*

Gan Ning:Well i might as well kill you old man, where are you're bow and arrows now hahahaha!

Huang Zhoung:My bow and arrows are right here

*He shoots gan Ning in the chest and he falls

Huang Zhoung killed gan ning

Diao Chan: ohhh, huang gai!!! i'm so sorry!! i didn't mean to throw that sunbeam sword into your chest. come over here and i'll pull it out.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Luke: i'd help, but i'm kind of in a bind mr. guy!

Vader: i'd help, but i've fallen to the dark side. and besides, i need to get my son to follow me.....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Huang Gai: ohhh.... it hurts....

Diao chan: hurry Gai and it might be all right... the wound will cauterize itself seeing as how it's a sunbeam sword.

Huang gai: ugggg...... light.... saber.......

Diao Chan: HURRY!!!!!

:huang gai does exactly what you've already predicted.....and now it more than just burns a little.....:

Daio Chan kills Huang Gai!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Darth Vader: hey, what about my light saber???

Xiao Qiao: Cao Cao, Zhou Yu has told me about your intrest in me. Cao Cao: How would he know about that? Xiao Qiao: He just does and now I want to kill you. Cao Cao: Wwhat why? Xiao Qiao: I just feel like killing you, soooooo bye. She shoves him back and he lands on a pile of spikes but miraculousy survives. He stands up only to see Xiao in his face holding his sword. She stabs him in the face and slowly turns the blade while it is in his head eventually pulling straight up and slicing his head in half.

Xiao Qiao has killed Cao Cao.

"Liu Chan! You diserve no respect whatsoever.

Liu Chan: But I'm the heir to SHU.

"Gesundheit."

*SunJian cuts the rope, and a grand piano comes crashing down atop the head of Liu Chan. Killing him somewhat instantly*

SUNJIAN kills LIUCHAN

UPDATE!

WEI
Cao Pi
Cao Ren
Cao Ang
Cao Bao
Cao Hong
Cao Shuang
Dian Wei +2
Pang De
Sima Yi
Sima Shi
Sima Zhao
Xiahou Yuan
Xiahou Xuan
Xiahou Wei
Xiahou Shang
Xiahou Huo
Zhang Liao
Zhen Ji


WU

Sun Jian +8

Lu Meng
Lu Xun
Taishi Ci
Xiao Qiao +1
Da Qiao
Zhou Tai
Zhou Yu +1
Huangfu Song
Ling Tong
Sun Luban
Sun Shao
Sun Shi
Sun Zhong
Sun Kuang
Sun Jiao

Zhu Rong

SHU
Liu Bei +2
Liu Feng
Zhuge Liang
Zhang Fei
Pang Tong
Ma Chao +1
Huang Zhong +1
Jiang Wei +1
Wei Yan
Xing Cai +1
Yue Ying
Guan Suo
Guan Xing
Jinhuansanjie
Liu Dai
Ma Dai

Dong Zhuo/Yellow Turban Alliance

Diao Chan +4
Hua Man
Zhang Liao
Cai Zhong
Gongsun Fan
Gongsun Du
He Jin
Gongsun Yuan
Lü Kuang

Killed:

Xu Chu- Eaten by SUNJIAN and the Wu Army
Meng Huo - Crushed by an elephant by SUNJIAN

Zhang He- Also crushed by an elephant on orders from MACHAO
Liu Biao - Lowered into a vat of boiling acid by SUNJIAN
Chen Biao- Shot in the head by SUNJIAN

Sun Ce - tossed into the "bottomless pit" by SUNJIAN

Bao Sanniang- head ripped off by DianWei

Gongsun Gong- strangled by DIANWEI

Guan Ping- Sliced in-two with a laser by SUNJIAN

Dong Zhuo- Distracted-to-death by DIAOCHAN

Lu Bu - Distracted-to-death by DIAOCHAN

Pang De - Killed by a bunch of girls and JIANGWEI

Sun Quan - Impaled by Xing Cai

Guan Yu - killed by the jealous liu bei

Sun Shang Xiang killed by her jealous husband liu bei

Zhu Ci - head disappeareed by SUNJIAN

Ling Tong - his head joined zhu ci's by SUNJIAN

Gan Ning - Killed by HUANGZHONG's archery skillz

Huang Gai - killed by DIAOCHAN with vader's lightsaber.

Xiahou Dun - Cut to pieces by Zhou Yu

Cao Cao - Head mutilated by the swordof Xiao Qiao

Liu Chan - Piano-crushed thanks to SUNJIAN

Sun Jian: Cao Pi why are you here? Cao Pi: I am here because I want to form an alliance. Sun Jian: You want to form an alliance with me? Do you think that I am an idiot. I know you want to kill me. Cao Pi: You are right take this! Cao Pi throws his double bladed sword at Sun Jian who miraculousy dodges the sword. Sun Jian: Ha ha ha ha ha!!!! You missed you idiot. Cao Pi: That's what you think. As Sun Jian continues laughing the sword comes flying back towards his back and slices his right arm wide open. Sun Jian: Aarrgh you son of a self righteous ruler how did you do that. Cao Pi: That my friend is an ancient family secret.

Cao Pi has hurt Sun Jian.

Sun Jian: Curse that Cao Pi for his insolence. Zhen Ji: You dare curse my husband you shall pay. Zhen Ji hits Sun Jian upside the head with her flute.

Zhen Ji has hurt Sun Jian

Xiao Qiao: Liu Bei!!!!! Why are you holding my Lord Zhou Yu by the neck?? Liu Bei: I have him by the neck because he threatened my life!!!!!!!! Xiao Qiao: He is not the only one threatening your life but I WILL SUCCEED IN KILLING YOU!!!!!!! Xiao Qiao grabs her fans and throughs them at Liu Bei's head slicing of his ear.

Xiao Qiao has hurt Liu Bei

Xiao Qiao: I WILL SUCCEED!! Liu Bei: NO YOU WON'T!!! They both leap at each other holding swords and slice at the same time. As they land Liu Bei falls to his knees with a giant gash in his left leg.

Xiao Qiao has hurt Liu Bei

Yah that was an oops on my part. Sorry. You discount the one with Liu Bei hurting Sun Jian, in fact I will delete it.

Xiao Qiao: Liu Bei just die already! Liu Bei: You first!This time they are both on horseback riding full speed directly at each other with spears in hand and Xiao Qiao stabbed Liu Bei in the chest.

Xiao Qiao has killed Liu Bei

Cao Pi is dragged before Sunjian.

SUNJIAN: "So Cao Pi you little bastard. Declare war on me aye."

Sunjian tosses a grenade at Cao Pi, who catches it.

BBBBBBBOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM

Caopi's charred bodyparts fly across the room. But he still twitches on the floor.

*SUNJIAN hurts CAOPI*

SUNJIAN: "So your'e still alive aye. We can fix that."

Sunjian orders gasoline poured over what remained of the once mighty Caopi

SUNJIAN: "How about a little fire scarecrow!"

Sunjian tosses a match... Caopi is history.

*SUNJIAN kills CAOPI*

UPDATE!

WEI
Cao Ren
Cao Ang
Cao Bao
Cao Hong
Cao Shuang
Dian Wei +2
Pang De
Sima Yi
Sima Shi
Sima Zhao
Xiahou Yuan
Xiahou Xuan
Xiahou Wei
Xiahou Shang
Xiahou Huo
Zhang Liao
Zhen Ji +1


WU

Sun Jian +8

Lu Meng
Lu Xun
Taishi Ci
Xiao Qiao +4
Da Qiao
Zhou Tai
Zhou Yu +1
Huangfu Song
Ling Tong
Sun Luban
Sun Shao
Sun Shi
Sun Zhong
Sun Kuang
Sun Jiao

Zhu Rong

SHU
Liu Feng
Zhuge Liang
Zhang Fei
Pang Tong
Ma Chao +1
Huang Zhong +1
Jiang Wei +1
Wei Yan
Xing Cai +1
Yue Ying
Guan Suo
Guan Xing
Jinhuansanjie
Liu Dai
Ma Dai

Dong Zhuo/Yellow Turban Alliance

Diao Chan +4
Hua Man
Zhang Liao
Cai Zhong
Gongsun Fan
Gongsun Du
He Jin
Gongsun Yuan
Lü Kuang

Killed:

Xu Chu- Eaten by SUNJIAN and the Wu Army
Meng Huo - Crushed by an elephant by SUNJIAN

Zhang He- Also crushed by an elephant on orders from MACHAO
Liu Biao - Lowered into a vat of boiling acid by SUNJIAN
Chen Biao- Shot in the head by SUNJIAN

Sun Ce - tossed into the "bottomless pit" by SUNJIAN

Bao Sanniang- head ripped off by DianWei

Gongsun Gong- strangled by DIANWEI

Guan Ping- Sliced in-two with a laser by SUNJIAN

Dong Zhuo- Distracted-to-death by DIAOCHAN

Lu Bu - Distracted-to-death by DIAOCHAN

Pang De - Killed by a bunch of girls and JIANGWEI

Sun Quan - Impaled by Xing Cai

Guan Yu - killed by the jealous liu bei

Sun Shang Xiang killed by her jealous husband liu bei

Zhu Ci - head disappeareed by SUNJIAN

Ling Tong - his head joined zhu ci's by SUNJIAN

Gan Ning - Killed by HUANGZHONG's archery skillz

Huang Gai - killed by DIAOCHAN with vader's lightsaber.

Xiahou Dun - Cut to pieces by Zhou Yu

Cao Cao - Head mutilated by the swordof Xiao Qiao

Liu Chan - Piano-crushed thanks to SUNJIAN

Liu Bei - Out-Jousted by Xiao Qiao

Cao Pi - Burned to a crisp by Sunjian