I'm lucky, I bleat, as I rise to my feet.... only then am I stung by the wasp.
No, I'm not submitting that, but it popped out, and I'm not putting it back!
Here's my submission:
The life of a child isn't filled with care and worry, and it was in that state I stood upon the first of a single flight of stairs. My small hand gripped the rope that served as a railing, and putting a confident foot forward, I proceeded to avoid the trouble of walking, and instead fell. Did I fall as a normal person, bouncing along the way? No. It seems, although I have no memory of it, that in my final throes of mental anguish as my balance left me, I must have launched myself skyward! Consequently, my trip to the concrete basement floor was unimpeded by the stairs.
I flew, and that was a fine thing, but landing presented a difficulty. Fortunately, my bottom served its most noble purpose, and saved my spine from collapsing like an accordion. However, that bit of tail, the coccyx, the sacrum... we know now, as educated adults that they are one with the buttocks. So then, they became one with concrete, and once numbness, shock, and the sense of Universal betrayal you see on the face of any child just before they cry from a hurt, I experienced pain I remember to this day.
My recollection of events immediately after The Fall [yes, pun] is a bit hazy, but the memory of pain remains. I will abandon any attempt at literary grace and admit that I felt as though my tuckus had been hit by a train, and my gonads were none too happy either. I can only imagine the horror my mother felt at watching me sail through the air, but the speed with which a proper railing was installed is likely a fair indication that it was terrible to witness.
Astoundingly, I was uninjured, save for my pride and trust in stairs. However, to this day I thank and appreciate the cleaved flesh I sit on even now, for saving my life, if not my dignity.
Ok, total side note, and runner up in terms of pain (this is not a submission, just fun)... as an adult, I had to get a root canal procedure performed on a tooth that had grown without a crown. In other words, the took was a shell around perfectly formed gum tissue that filled the tooth. It was painless and not infected, but obviously had to be fixed. What many people unfamiliar with the dental professions may not realize, is that most of the pain from a root canal occurs as a result of abscess formed when the infection reaches the nerve. Needless to say, what follows is simply more pain, but then relief.
I was in no pain and young, if not a child. The periodontist, who was a kind and urbane man to his credit, was presented with a unique chance! Normally to numb the nerve within the pulp of a tooth, the relevant cranial nerve is blocked with Novocain, and then a hole drilled in the crown of the tooth. Through this hole, another shot of Novocain is administered to the root of the tooth itself. This always hurts I imagine, but without any Novocain (as it was in my case) I found this doc plunging the business end of the syringe into the already exposed center of the tooth.
It is the only time in my life, I nearly struck someone out of pure reaction. I did bite down on the syringe, and I think I mumbled something unflattering around a mouthful of nerve-pain about the doc's ancestor's hygienic practices (or lack thereof) and speculations as to whether his ancestors may have been the missing link. I'm not kidding for the sake of writing this, I'm just telling it as it was. Falling on my rear might have hurt more, but I was less aware... a child.
It's all downhill from there, since the Novocain on the nerve numbs it very quickly, but I will still never forget it. By the way... After filling, refilling, and nearly crowning... the tooth was pulled less than a year later. At that time, I had never has so much as a cavity. Oy.
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