The Writers Lounge Weekly Writers Challenge

Whoa... thanks! I guess my ass is good for something other than keeping my spine in one piece after all! My ass... is inspiration! ;) Yeah I'm kidding about everything except the "thanks". That said... nub of his finger... jesus honkyjoe! That's downright traumatic. :( Um... how's the digit now?

Whoa... thanks! I guess my ass is good for something other than keeping my spine in one piece after all! My ass... is inspiration! ;) Yeah I'm kidding about everything except the "thanks". That said... nub of his finger... jesus honkyjoe! That's downright traumatic. :( Um... how's the digit now?

nappan

Haha. My finger is fine now. The surgery lasted 8 hours to reattach it and I had a medical bill of 100,000$ (thank god for insurance). The only sign of it ever happeneing is a faint scar and limited movement in my joints.

So... Here is an example of how the latest challenge can be solved.

Mao, you really are the best. I mean, honestly! 30 million deaths? Not even Stalin can beat that, you are the man. You are the king of revolutions. And despite all that you managed to make the chinese people love you. Just like I love you. I can read your quotations day and night. It is a miracle that it is just the second best selling book ever. To me it is number one! The Bible is nothing compared to it.

It is actually a topic I find interesting. How could Mao end up so beloved - and with a book that has sold better than the Koran, after a revolution that lead to 30 million people dying (curtecy of Portal - the history book we use at school).

Congrats Nappan, and bleck, I'm glad that one is over. :lol: Those were quite disturbing.

So... a love letter to a dictator. Hm, maybe I can make my fingers do this without thinking of burning in Hell. :P Ok here goes...

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely (and French, they say).

Though you art but very tiny

Napoleon, I love that juicy hiney!

And mayhap you are but worm-food now

My love finds your coffin, through dirt does it plow.

I take your skull, I give caress

Despite the nasty grub-filled mess.

Oh Napoleon! How I wish you were here

so we could pillage and chop off ear

And tongue and limbs, guilltoine to all!

Oh Napoleon, my love...why didst thou fall?

Nice!

By the way, I'll be offline this weekend, so I don't think I will be able to crown a winner until tuesday.

Dear Hitler,

Hey, I can't believe no one has written you a love letter yet. I mean it's your Nazis that everybody uses as an analogy for things ranging from cheese costing too much, to too much life being cost.
But that's not why I'm writing you. You see I've always been infatuated by you. I know you have a fetish for urine, and despite the rumours, you aren't actually gay---though you are quite Jewish---but please we could pretend I'm a girl. I've always loved your moustache. It epitomised your determination as you ate that watermelon. You know you've become an internet phenomenon due to it! I'm sure you would've loved it, you liked Charlie Chaplin's films after all didn't you? I hope you liked The General because that could be our film--you're my general Hitler.

I'd be kidnapped by American troops and you'd come and rescue me. It would be so romantic. I know you'd kill me for two reasons, but let's be honest, you're anything but a hypocrite so then you'd have to kill yourself for your Jewish roots and mental illness, but that's okay, I could put up with it. I've always respected your Suiss-quality meticulous planning. Oh sure you lost the war in the end but that was down to dumb luck. I still love you.

I must admit, though, that my attraction is very physical, so here is a love poem enclosed written on rose petals:

Oh Hitler oh Hitler
I think I'm falling for you
When ever I see you feel like touching you
I know you're a flawed man
After all you are a Jew
But it desn't matter because even though I truly love you
Your busy moustache
Your oily hair
The fact that you've got no hair down there
But that just makes it all the better
When I go to eat some cheddar
So come on Hitler I want to trap you
In the concentration camp of my heart
Love making with you would be like art
So come on Hitler pull down your pants
Then let us roll on the floor like ants
And that would surely be romance.

Righteo! While we're waiting for waZelda to get back from goodness knows where, here's...

Challenge for 30th of May 2009 (to be less disturbing this week...): Complete the story below [EDIT: Don't worry Flash, your post still counts well!] with an addition of at least one paragraph of three lines. 

The rain poured down on the roof of the taxi stand as we said goodbye. S/he entered the taxi and, with one last wave at me, closed the doro and sped off. I saw his/her face staring back at me from the backseat, and I ran after him/her in the rain until my lungs were bursting with exhaustion, only to see the taxi turn a bend and fall out of my sight...

She's gone... She's really, really gone... Hallelujah!

It was the first thought to come to my mind. I had been waiting for three weeks--three long, agonizing weeks, which seemed more like years in the presence of the strong, ancient scent of Vicks and reruns of Golden Girls on Lifetime--for my mother to leave my house and go back to wherever the hell she came from. Just when I had begun to lose hope, the nurse called with the good news: mom had cancer, and needed to return to Africa right away (because everyone knows the cure for cancer is somewhere near the equator.) I was more than obliged to pack her things and kick her out the door. The taxi stand was a bit much, though.

Wow, tough one. But the victory goes to foolz.

Here we go: an homage to the Writer's lounge frequent posters. :P

I stared dully at the spot where the taxi had left. Lightning flashed in the sky. Generally, I love flash-es of lightning, but now they only highlighted my despair. I muttered to myself an old saying; "helios reitberg," which means "All is lost," in Mongolionese. My shoulders slumped and I turned to walk away. My shoes scuffled along the cold, hard unforgiving concrete of the sidewalk, and I hung my head, counting the steps that fell in each block; and endless game I've played since my youth. My mind clung to this, desperately trying to keep her image from creeping back into my head.

I tried to think of other things in life; things that brought me happiness. The princess in the game. What was the game called? I couldn't remember. Wha...Zelda? Yes, it was called Zelda. She had sat next to me on the sofa as I had played it once, stroking my hair. Lost in these thoughts, I was startled when the old hobo, Honkey Joe, grabbed my arm.

"I shay, imprezzy-ive (Did he mean impressive? I could barely understand him.) shoes ye got's dere, could ye help an ol' man and lend me 'em?"

I gave him a bleak smile and slipped my shoes off. The shock on his face told me he didn't really expect to receive my shoes. The act gave me a brief reprieve from my depression. Now my toes felt the sandy qbg of the road. "Quickset Based Gravel," my father had told me. Qbg, the best concrete that could be had, according to him. Now barefoot, I could feel the softness on my soles and toes, and understood why. Even this pleasant feeling offered no solace, however.

I raised my head and looked at the myriad of billboards shouting at me brazenly. "Come see King Killa 3 and Sparky 5, only at the Aberinkulas theatre!" one shouted at me. My head returned to another memory of her, our first movie together. "Foolz 3:Heroez of Droolz," a silly comedy that was forgettable. Yet, I could remember it well, because she was with me for the first time.

I looked up at the sky as I continued walking, the ether twilight dusk had arrived. She had called it so, saying it was magical, the way it looked. "It must have much ether, to make such magic," she had said, and laughed. She loved Final Fantasy so much.

Finally, I reached the steps of my apartment. I trudged up them, feeling the cold rain on my bare feet. The old door creaked as I opened it. I raised my head, and there she stood, smiling at me. I embraced her like never before, and cried in her shoulder.

"I'm so happy you came back. I was going to ask you to get Cheezy Poofs, and I totally forgot."

Stroking my hair, I heard her soft laugh. I looked into her eyes. She placed her hands on my cheeks and said,

"I knew you were out, so I got some anyway. And where are you shoes, silly goose?"

I chuckled. "Long story," I said.

Oh cheezy poofs, you make the world go 'round.

Firstly: :lol:

Secondly:

He liked the rain. I suppose that was why he stared out the window, because he certainly didn't like me. Of course he had never really met me before, though he had seen me. In the corner of his eye, usually hiding in a bush. I suppose we just weren't meant to be. But I did love him, you can be sure about that, so when I saw him getting into a taxi with all his things I naturally had to run after it screaming and flailing desperately with tears running down my face
It's a shame really. I'm sure we could have been something special. Still, I hope he gets my present. I made it specially for him; I just hope he doesn't open it until he's on the plane. Then our love will light up the sky like fireworks!

Challenge of June 6th:

Write a poem starting and ending with "lolwut"

WTG.

Haiku:

lolwut. No.

Rage against techno-babble.

lolwut. No.

"Lolwut?"
"I said that's hot."
"No, it's really not!"
"Bah, what rot!"
"Please, how can snot be hot?"
"How can it not?"
"Lolwut?"

Challenge of June 6th:

Write a poem starting and ending with "lolwut"

waZelda

WTG.

Haiku:

lolwut. No.

Rage against techno-babble.

lolwut. No.

 

mprezzy

"Lolwut?"
"I said that's hot."
"No, it's really not!"
"Bah, what rot!"
"Please, how can snot be hot?"
"How can it not?"
"Lolwut?"

Foolz3h

What kind of poetry is this? :?

[QUOTE="waZelda"]

Challenge of June 6th:

Write a poem starting and ending with "lolwut"

aliblabla2007

WTG.

Haiku:

lolwut. No.

Rage against techno-babble.

lolwut. No.

mprezzy

"Lolwut?"
"I said that's hot."
"No, it's really not!"
"Bah, what rot!"
"Please, how can snot be hot?"
"How can it not?"
"Lolwut?"

Foolz3h

What kind of poetry is this? :?

Seriously? I prefaced that mine was Haiku before I wrote it. Many thoughts said in few words, the essence of Haiku. I don't like L33t speak and the like, so I told the world to fight against it... oh well...

Going off-line for the weekend, so announcing the next challenge early.

Challenge of June 19th:

Write a parody on a review. You can review whatever you want, and it is up to you whether or not you want to parody a specific reviewer.

Ok, so no one posted anything on the last challenge. Do you guys want it to go on for an extra week so you could post something, or should helios come up with a new challenge right away?waZelda

Post a new one! A fresh start should be good now that the comp is over. That's why it's been much slower I think. It's why I haven't done any!

Sorry, I'm a day late.

Challenge for 28th June 2009: The economic recession is fast affecting the whole world! There MUST be some game companies that have to fall... how about... your most hated video game company? Write a paragraph on which company you wish to fall with the absurdest reason that you can come up with!

Not quite sure I understood the assignment, but I'll

Sega is going to fall. When Super Soinc Racing becomes an epic phail, Sonic fans can't take any more crap from them, and they will get really furious. Thus they will form a group calling themselves "the dark brotherhood," and they will kidnap everyone that works for Sega, force them to walk on a trail og hedgehogs and burn them the way witches were burned during the 1600s.

Not quite sure I understood the assignment, but I'll

Sega is going to fall. When Super Soinc Racing becomes an epic phail, Sonic fans can't take any more crap from them, and they will get really furious. Thus they will form a group calling themselves "the dark brotherhood," and they will kidnap everyone that works for Sega, force them to walk on a trail og hedgehogs and burn them the way witches were burned during the 1600s.

waZelda

Nice one! You really hate Sega that much...?

Well, they haven't really made any good games since I became a gamer. Ok, F-Zero GX is good, but not better than F-Zero X, so it stil is a fail.

Blizzard! You time wasting bastards! You lowly excuse for a videogame developer. How dare you make me wait any longer for Starcraft 2. In this relentless economic climate, one cannot help but voice his concern for your blatant whoring of the MMO market. Give the other guys a chance man! not only that, but you continually refuse to release new information about the game I have been waiting for for years. I feel anally raped, ok, that is how I feel!

Without further ado, I will have to ask you to surrender all 2000$ I have spent on WoW and give me a free copy of Starcraft 2 (which I am sure you have finished by now).

Challenge of July 4th:

Write a line like this: "If God wanted... He would have made/created"

Examples:

"If God wanted us to fly, he would have created us with wings" (Which the Wright brothers might have heard a lot).

A funnier one that I saw someone had on a sign besides their front door (and you are supposed to come up with funny ones):

"If God wanted us to make fibre glass boats, he would have made fibre glass trees."

Challenge of July 4th:

Write a line like this: "If God wanted... He would have made/created"

Examples:

"If God wanted us to fly, he would have created us with wings" (Which the Wright brothers might have heard a lot).

A funnier one that I saw someone had on a sign besides their front door (and you are supposed to come up with funny ones):

"If God wanted us to make fibre glass boats, he would have made fibre glass trees."

waZelda

If god wanted iloveflash to be a man he wouldn't have given him woman parts.

if God thought that Science was a viable counterpart to religion, he wouldn't have made Dawkins a scientist. :P

If God had wanted Doom III to be good and filled with a blow-by-blow trip to Hell to convert the entire world to his reign, then he would have FRAKKING WELL DONE SO. BUT HE DIDN'T. DOOM III SUCKS BALLS, which is an act of God.

Also, Foolz wins nothing. Half-Life games have more soul individually than Activision's entire library put together.

I will post an entry to that challenge, even though it's over:

Nintendo will finally stop making games altogether and start making baby toys, ones that repeat old mainstays like rattling noises and soft textures, while adding on gimmicks that matter very little to the toy itself, such as a gel-filled pack that makes bubbles as the toy moves. And they will continue to tack on these gimmicks onto every old mainstay and make people play more money for the same old crap until a baby cracks open the gel-filled pack and dies, and Nintendo is forced into bankruptcy from the legal actions that follow. then the government sees Nintendo for what they are. Everyone involved in the development of the Wii is found and shot on sight for being completely stupid, and so is everyone who thought the Wii was remotely (pun) a good idea.

If by soul you mean filler then you're 100% correct. If by soul you mean soul then you're also 100%. Activision is the old EA. However as far as soul goes compared to truly great games it's laughable. :)

Unless by soul you mean hitting walls with a crowbar. Then you're right.

The problem with the Half-Life games is the ideas are there, but any storytelling or game design ability isn't. I actually used to believe the opposite, that the ideas were derivitive and contrived (derivitive they certainly are of course, but that's not necessarily a ad thing) but after actually fully playing through them I found that the real problems were ironically with the characters, storytelling, and game design in terms of pacing. Episode 1 was the only one that really got it technically right as far as pacing goes, but it was ironically let down by the elements that they usually got right. Episode 2 I loved, but my God was it full of filler.

As for the wii it's the main place that games with any soul are able to be developed. On the 360 and PS3 everyone is too pre-occupied with making the next blockbuster by copying the previous one. Sure you'll find some on the PSN or Live Arcade, but not full 10 hour + games. The PC is the other main place, but once again many of them are downloadable games or mods.

And the majority of the criticisms of the wii-remote are because people do not understand how to use it. The big tricks on SSX that everyone moaned about? Really easy to pull off when you ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO LISTEN TO THE INSTRUCTIONS. The same can be said for pretty much every other criticism of controls, at least in the good games. Except for the tennis puzzle on Zack and Wiki. Now that was just terribly done.

We should probably take this to OT if we are to continue. :P

Stuff about Half-Life 2 that I don't agree with and won't bother

As for the wii it's the main place that games with any soul are able to be developed. More nonsense involving this idea

Foolz3h

If by "soul" you mean "ridiculously tacked-on Wiimote games that boil down any given gameplay to the most basic," then sure, you're 100% correct. If you mean "soul" by "movie based or other licensed games that don't amount to Doom III" then, sure you're correct.

If you mean "soul" by "a game that actually plays like the developer was actually trying and putting their heart and soul into a work of art," then you're correct about exactly one Wii game thus far - Super Mario Galaxy. Considering Nintendo has already announced a sequal for it (THE SAME THING BUT EFFING HARDER) I have little to no faith in the platform.

It could be good. Conceptually it's a wonderful device; hell, I bought one and then I started waiting folr this so called "revolution " of gaming. But it never happened. In execution, it's a mess.

[QUOTE="Foolz3h"]

Stuff about Half-Life 2 that I don't agree with and won't bother

As for the wii it's the main place that games with any soul are able to be developed. More nonsense involving this idea

Aberinkulas

If by "soul" you mean "ridiculously tacked-on Wiimote games that boil down any given gameplay to the most basic," then sure, you're 100% correct. If you mean "soul" by "movie based or other licensed games that don't amount to Doom III" then, sure you're correct.

If you mean "soul" by "a game that actually plays like the developer was actually trying and putting their heart and soul into a work of art," then you're correct about exactly one Wii game thus far - Super Mario Galaxy. Considering Nintendo has already announced a sequal for it (THE SAME THING BUT EFFING HARDER) I have little to no faith in the platform.

It could be good. Conceptually it's a wonderful device; hell, I bought one and then I started waiting folr this so called "revolution " of gaming. But it never happened. In execution, it's a mess.

Oh, and I forgot the DS btw. ;)

off the top of my head De Blob, Zack and Wiki (which actually uses the wii-remote properly. The problem isn't the device, but apparently developers can be as stupid as the reviewers who are incapable of using it properly) No More Heroes, Madworld, Endless Ocean (no joke, that's got to be one of the most underrated games of all time), Deadly Creatues. Hell I could even throw in HOTD: Overkill. And I was just going by my own collection and missing a hell of a lot of games.

Sure technically Galaxy is a hell of a lot better than many games on the wii, but it's a hell of a lot better than any games anywhere. In fact many would say it's the best platformer of all itme.

The thing about soul and art, though, is it is not based on techncially quality. Sure that can be a part of it, but if it was then you would have liked Doom 3 more, and we both would be going nuts over Gears of War. :X

Don't make me bring 1984 into this! :P

Don't make me bring 1984 into this! :P

Foolz3h

I got over that book.

Back to competition and stuff.

Challenge for so and so:

After many years of using one of GameSpot's default avatars, Helios_Rietberg has mysteriously changed it to a custom made one! Describe what may have motivated such a man to make such a controversial decision.