There was an old cowhand who owned a small ranch in Montana .

The Montana Wage & Hour Dept. Claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the rancher, "There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board."

"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board."

"Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night."

"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the rancher.

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

" Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until! you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a darned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

I've seen all the Inuyasha episodes, movies and read all the Manga (so far). I sing all the songsin Japanese (or at least I try). I have addicted my daughters to the show and they know all the english version words to "Change the World" and "My Will". The couldn't help be addicted. Actually they watch the episodes more than me. The watch them over and over as well as the Movies. They turn any friend they have into the addiction as well. What can I say...It's a terrific show.

A friend of mine came over tonight with her daughter. She asked me about Inuyasha. When her daughter came for a sleep over a while back, my daughters and her watched the Inuyasha movies I have on DVD. So I asked her if she wanted to watch some of the episodes. So after the second episode she was addicted. She stayed and watched through the sixth episode and she wanted more. So I sent her home with a couple of DVD's to watch on her own. (That was midnight and she said she is going to stay up and watch more!) And so the addiction begins. Mwahahahah! It was inevidable. Inuyasha is addicting. It is so great! After she watches all the episodes and Movies, I am going to turn her on to Fan Fiction. She won't know what hit her! Mwahahah! At least I'll have someone to share my addiction with!

Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.

Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.

Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.

Jose says, "Look at your sign." It reads: "I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support"

Carlos looks at Jose's sign.

It reads: "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Cuba"

(This one is dedicated to Element-17)

One sunny day at school, little Lucy and her fellow c1assmates were having a lesson about stories with morals. "Now then" said their teacher very teacherly, "does anyone have a story with a moral they want to tell the rest of the c1ass"

Little Lucy stuck her hand in the air.

"Go on then Lucy. Tell us your story."

"Alright. Once upon a time there was a little girl who had to take some eggs to her grandmother. She put them all in a basket, but on the way there, she dropped the basket, and the eggs smashed all over the ground"

"And what is the moral of this story?"

"Never carry all of your eggs in one basket"

"Very good, Lucy. Does anyone else want to say their story?"

Little Lucy put up her hand again.

"Go on then Lucy", said the teacher tell us your story."

"Once upon a time a little girl had a small tear in her dress which would have needed a single stitch to repair. But the little girls mummy didn't repair it right away, but left it for a few days. When she got round to repairing it, it need ten stitches."

"And the moral of this story is?"

"A stitch in time saves nine."

"Very good, Lucy. Now who else has a story?"

Little Jonny put up a nervous hand.

"Go on then Jonathon"

"Okay. My Grandad was in the Royal Air Force in world War II. He was flying his fighter plane over enemy territory when he got shot in the wing. He managed to grab a parachute, a tommy gun, a knife and a six-pack of beer before he had to eject. He parachuted down, and on the way down, he drank all the beer. He landed in the middle of a group of baddy soldiers. So he got out his tommy gun and BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG shot half of then and then got out his knife and CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP killed the rest of them."

"Errm," errmed the teacher, "that's a very, uh, nice story, Jonathon. Does it have a moral?"

"Yeah," grinned Jonny, "Don't mess with Grandad when he's been drinking".

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

I'm Here. What are your other 2 wishes?

Happiness is... the feeling I get when you leave. :D

I'm the naughty sister.

I brought sexy back.

Just shut up.

There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people.

I need a hug.

(Picture of many tootsy roll lollypops) Wanna Lick? ........ (I don't wear it to any kid functions) :lol:

Watch this video I made of Inuyasha and Kagome Dance

Click Here