No one believes the latest rumor about me. That's how it should be. For once people are listening to me. Everyone knows the person who started the rumor (Sierra) is ****ing psychotic.

People should know the truth, and should recognize a lie. I've made a name for myself, and that name does no include rapist. She is without a doubt psychotic. She even tried to tell me that I raped her. Not only did I not rape her, but no one else did! She also said I raped her last Wednesday. I was sick in bed last Wednesday. Psychotic, attention whore.

People who generally piss me off have been pretty nice lately. Simply over a stupid attention whore. My old friends come back to my aid. Barely anyone likes her anymore, which is what she deserves. She's brought this upon herself.

On top of it all, I have a viral infection in my throat. And needless to say, it kills.

With that said I shall depart.

-Rabidus

 

This is no longer humane. This psychological warfare is done. Tomorrow I will deliver the final throe the the thorn in my side. I will remove the thorn, and throw it away. This is not right.

Today I was informed that I have been claimed a rapist. Something so untrue and so bizzare offends me to the worst extent. I don't care how much of a grudge you have against someone, you DO NOT start such rumors. Something untrue generally doesn't offend me. Here are the rumors that have been started about me, and how they offended me:

Homicidal - Little, I've thought about killing people however      I'd never actually do it. For this reason I was offended.

Suicidal - Medium. I would never kill myself.

Satanic - Medium-Offended. I never was, will be and am not Satanic. It offends me as it goes against what I've told people, and the fact that it leads to other rumors...

Gothic - Medium. It offends me for the same reason as Satanic.

Insane - Very little. To everyone, I am insane. Oh well. I guess I am a bit.

Rapist - Extremely offended. This goes against everything. I'd rather be a homicidal, suicidal, Satanic maniac.

Why are these rumors started about me? Who the hell knows...

The things I put up with... the **** I go through. The people I have to see...It's not right. I put up with it either way and tomorrow I will stand up for myself.

-Rabidus

"My name my mean raging and crazy, but I am everything but."

Kind of a boring day. Didn't do too much. Hockey isn't entirely over, sadly. My dad asked a favor of me to finish my season in Rochester. None of the coaches are coming back, and my dad doesn't want to let everyone down. So I told him I'd finish it out.

It's simple actually. I only have to survive two practices, one game and a tournament that will only take up a weekend. However a slight superstition arises as the tournament is on St. Patrick's Day weekend, the day I broke my leg.

Shoud it happen again, my dad promised to make it up to me. I told him it was going to be a bad season, and he thought otherwise. By the end of the season he agreed with me, and apologized.

No one should have to have a miserable time everyday when it's unnecessary. I don't mind going back ot Rochester for this short amount of time. Two weeks isn't that much and it's only two actual nights that I care about. Once a week isn't bad at all.

My dad has seemed much more like the dad I knew when I was younger. For about three years he and my mother have had some sort of problem, and it's finally solved. Everything is finally coming together. Things seem to finally want to go my way.

Hell, even my dad wants to support my band now. Mainly because I think he was serious when he said he was going to live off of me if I ever got famous. Possibly though, it may that he wants to see me succeed.

I've gone through my Hell, and I've transformed into someone far more supieror than what I would've been. Most people would be looking for revenge after four years of putting up with the bull**** I have. Not me. I just want everyone to see what they have, more or less haven't helped create. But thanks to no one/ This is me

That's really it...

-Rabidus

"I've come up with a theory, everyone wants me. They just don't want to admit it."

Well my week did suck. Friday we had a normal practice 3-5 and then had to be back at 5:30 to leave. Regional Finals at Clinton (Utica area.) 3 1/2 hour bus ride...

We arrived around 9:30 and already things seemed to be going wrong. I was one of the first people to order a cot, (I would've fought someone for a bed, but hotel beds aren't worth it...) however I had to go down to the front desk 2 times to get one. It was small, but comfortable. Afterwards my room mates were willing to give me a bed.

There was a stick in the room to act as a lock for the sliding glass window. However I gave it a new concept, still to prevent burglery. Instead of the burgler not getting into the room, he/she would be beaten over the head with my new weapon of justice.
The only thing I really enjoyed about the hotel was the tea. Waking up at 7:30 and force feeding wasn't all too appealing to me, nor was exercising at 9:00 AM. Plus the fact that one of my room mates decided to sleep naked... wasn't pleasant. I threatened him with the stick though.

Of course we met our fate and lost a 1-0 game. Thus, our season is now over, only with the exception of the senior practice and the banquet.

Everyone thought the game was going to be a blow out and it was going to be a 10-0 game. The Clinton papers and even the officials. They came in our locker room to address the rules and basically said, "Be good losers." No one expected us to be in the game. Not only that, their goal was a fluke, and everyone knew.

My hockey career is finally over. I can finally start practicing with my band. I can finally start focusing on getting my show ready. I can finally show everyone my mind.

"One person can't change the world, but he can make a dent," and a dent can leave a scar. A scar can leave a reminder. A reminder can change everything.

-Rabidus

"No man can change his fate. I've accepted this simple fact."

I don't want too long of an entry. So I'll sum up the past week.

Saturday:

My hockey team won the Section V Class B championship. I didn't play, and I just want this year to end. Sadly however we're going into State qualifiers. This meant an extra week of BS...

Sunday:

The last ski trip. It was fun until about 6:30. We went into the Cafe to eat. There was a bad playing that wasn't too bad. However when we stepped outside to resume our activity, my board was gone. There is aparently one or more people walking into Holiday Valley and "shopping" for boards. They don't "purchase" skis. Of course to them and only them there is a special 5-10 finger discount. I was even told it wouldn't have made a difference if my board was locked, they aparently have bolt cutters. They told me that had I known the serial number, the State Police would've have been notified. One would think that with the number of boards being stolen, the State Police woud already be investigating the matter...

Monday:

Monday carried on like a normal day. Things were fine until around 2:00 when I started feeling like ****. I still had to practice... however when I came home I went to bed, and didn't really leave that bed until Wednesday. That night, I also received my copy of Prince of Persia: Warrior Within.

Tuesday:

Stayed home sick. I layed in bed basically all day. I did order Kingdom of Heaven off of Movies on Demand. I actually thought it was pretty good. Lots of death, and a good story.

Wednesday:

Tested out Warior Within and was to a surprise disappointed. They changed the game, moreso than I expected. Prince's face and voice have changed. I realized there would be a darker tone, but this? Improved combat does add something to the game, of course, that it once you get used to it...

Today:

Work. Lots and lots of make up work. I've made up my labs but I still to make up 2-3 tests. Oi...

All in all life has pretty much sucked. However I've been positive. Evertyhing I don't want happening happens, my friends constantly turning into stonners, things getting taken from me and feeling like down right ****. Anyone in my school would either blend in, or be emo, and I... I have been positive because I know my future...

-Rabidus

"Death comes in many forms."

Even though today sucked, it hasn't been too bad. Looking at a calendar makes it seem like 2 weeks is nothing. Days though, drag on and come to a relaxed, slow paced ending. In two weeks good things will happen. Hockey will surely be done, and my sister will be moving out. No more complaints form her, no more yelling, screaming, crying etc. from her child.

Wild cards will be thrown, but I'm isolating myself as much as possible. Keeping away from people seems not only to calm me down, but it also keeps me away from doing something stupid.

I know, isolation has never done good in the past. However it's still not complete isolation, simply social isolation. I wish not to make new friends, and have new relationships. The friends I have now are the best I could possibly have.

I did give up on the CS boycott. It must've just been a bad night... Today, I pwned. I still don't believe it's right to make fun of  "n00bs, noobs or newbs." It still angered me today when I was playing. Don't degrade them, help them. If you think a video game judges peoples life skills, (this may sound crude) either rethink or just kill yourself.

I'm a believer in natural selection. The stupid should be killed off, sorry for being crude yet again.

Time for chanting.

-Rabidus

Seriously, when people stop having fun, and start turning a game into a ****ing sport... The reason I hate sports is because it's all serious, and no fun. You don't win, you're punished.

This isn't the first time I've boycotted CS before, as the title suggests. I thought the old problem had gotten better, but it has indeed become worse. It's a game. You don't need to be an **** about it. You don't need to be afraid of death, you're going to respawn next round. You don't need to block the narrow "rush" passageways with fright. Just go.

Of course there is still no honor. People challenge you to a knife, then shoot you. I wish people would use their heads...

Again, it's a game. If someone does something "newbish," or "noobish," who cares. I'm sick of seeing the chat window clogged with the words "ur a n00b," "stop bng such a n00b," "n00b," "what a n00b" and so on and so on. It's a game. There will be new people, and there will be people with a "lack of skill."

I'm not going to lose my dignity to this game. Sports usually bring out the worst of a person. Physically they bring out the best. Mentally, the worst. If people maybe had the competitive attitude they have towards sports go into other areas, the human race would advance a few steps. I know, I'm going a little too deep into this, but as a Mystic, I never stop questioning.

It may be an annoying trait at times, but if people would go into as deep a thought as I, let me say the world would be a better place. Then again... some people go too deep into thought. There has to be a balance between thought and instinct. If you stray too far away from insticnt, you've left humanity. If you rely on instinct more, you'll see consequences, and fall.

Anyways, my thought is done. One can only hope some people read this and understand an reflect on my thoughts. They can prove to be useful at times. Others, just plain dumb (mainly only when I mean them to be though.)

-Rabidus

Well, I've made all of the updates I possibly can. Of course I could afford to type more game reviews... but I don't really want to at the moment.

I don't think I made an entry yesterday... Hmm. Yesterday was about as eventful as watching a wet towel anyways. Update wise, I'm pretty much done. However there are some old NES, SNES, and Sega games I didn't get. Along with Gameboy and Gamegear games... So many forgotten. I was very in to handheld when I was younger... much younger. Handheld was actually my favorite until I got into PS and PC. From there my handhelds have been sitting, collecting dust.

Other than that, there really isn't much to say. Today was my first day back to school after a long weekend. It would've been much nicer if I didn't have hockey... I may have to help 8th graders tomorrow as they're coming up from the middle school to take their tour. Hey, gets me out of my classes I hate (English, Spanish...)

I made up the rest of my gym class, so no more to bother with there. Did some lifting, and ran 2 miles. Tiring as hell, but I'm going to do it more often. After all, once hockey stops, I have to do something to stay in shape. I'm still figuring out what, but I'll know soon enough.

That's about it...

-Rabidus

Yesterday, was awesome. Today was alright. Hockey pissed me off for the two hours I was there. I hate my coaches. When they said, "normal time" I thought they really meant normal time. No. They meant, "we're going on a half hour early." So a few people, including myself show up "late." The coaches get pissed, the entire team sprints. Before I continue, let me just say that my coaches see themselves as gods. I see them as bipolar ****

Anyways, on to the good. Yesterday Max, Gage, Brandon, Bash and I all went up to the Games Workshop. I think we spent a good 4 hours just hanging out there. The people there are awesome, and enjoy it when fellow "cool people" come to visit. (Side note: I think I'm one of the coolest people on the planet...)

Of course we didn't just go to hang out with Jay and Perry, we did have to make some purchases. I now have added shining gold, red gore, fiery* orange, skull white, and bestial* brown to my paint collection. Modeling sand was also included in this transaction, so now my Ork boyz aren't standing on dull, doring bases.

Lastly, I bought a Mad Dok. Awesome model that I can't wait to paint. He was a ***** to put together, as all metal models are... It took me a good ten minutes to get his head to stay on, and probably two hours to get his arms to stay...

A good night, ending with stupidity. People started pouring out of the mall, so my friends and I felt the need to go down the upwards escalator. Childish, yes. However we did get around everyone and got down a hell of a lot faster. What would you do if you saw this? I can tell you that all but one decided to keep a closed mouth.

Yes, the face of human stupidity stood out and opened its obese mouth. As we got to the bottom, some fat, "goth" chick decided that she had an opinion. Not something I object to, but when an opinion is overstated. Her opinion was, "You guys are dooch bags!" We gladly and graciously accepted the title, and thanked her. We didn't say anything else. She however, kept going... as she walked out the door I heard something in her rant about "getting away from mommy." Do you now see what I mean by "overstatement?"

That's really it...

-Rabidus

*We created "new" names for these paints. Stupid names:
Bestiality Brown
Fairy Orange
Testicle Pink**

**The real name for this one is "tentacle pink." Jay was the one who came up with "Testicle Pink."

Today was slow and boring. I had to leave my house at 4:00 to go to hockey. I just got back and it is now 10:13. Everything I hoped for didn't happen. I wanted us to lose so badly. I wanted hockey to end. Alas, we won 5-2...

Yet another week of ****ty practices only for me to sit on a bench and watch. I can only hope that we lose. I don't know if I can handle going to the state finals and thus extending the season another month or so... I can't possibly tell you how much hate as built inside of me towards one thing. It's been such a waste of time.

Tommorrow will be nice though. Gage, Max and I are going up to the Games Workshop. I need to get some more paints and some modeling sand. Plus, it's always fun to go there. The guys that work there are pretty cool, with the exception of one. I can't remember his name, (Jake?) but he's a Space Marine fanboy. My Orks can kick his Space Marine ass anyday.

Yes, I play Warhammer and Warhammer 40,000. I build and paint small models and it's fun. As for that matter, I too play Dungeons & Dragons. Not the video games, but the real, original RPG.

I am, to every extent, a geek. I am proud to say that. While I don't lable myself "geek" I do accept the term when it is addressed towards me. However I still find it hard to take when people call me "goth" and "Satanic." I'm neither, which is why I take it offensive...

Again, glad to see someone likes my lyrics. I think only one person actually reads my blog, but oh well. Better than none. I do wish to share my thoughts with more than one person though. As Marilyn Manson said in The Long Hard Road out of Hell, "...you don't really keep a journal for yourself, but rather for other people."

-Rabidus



[The Long Hard Road out of Hell by Marilyn Manson one of my favorite books. I would recomend everyone to read it. Hell, even if you don't like Manson, the book shows alot. If I got anything at all out of it, it was hope.]