Today was alright. School got cancelled due to high winds. I was surprised. However I still had to go to hockey practice. I literally had force feed myself so I wouldn't starve. Practice was from 1:00-3:00. Not too much of a problem, right? If I was informed that I had to go sooner, it wouldn't have been. My mother came home at 11:30 and said that I had to go to the optional practice (which it was and only about 75% of the team was there.) I then had to jump into the shower and engage in my morning routine. I got out of the bathroom at about 11:55. I then prepared a lunch of Ramen and a sandwhich. Needless to say, I wasn't even hungry...

That just kind of ruined my afternoon. Practice was extremely boring. We played "ghetto hockey" for an hour. Then hda  scrimmage for the second hour. Very uneventful...

The second half of the day was nice though. I played some Guild Wars, got to level 8. The guy I played with yesterday said he invited me into his guild, but I still don't have an invitation. Oh well...

I was glad to see that my lyrics got a good comment. Thanks again SavoyPrime. I'll post another song today. I probably won't post much more though... it may sound dumb, but seeing as I don't have copyrights and the internet is a very open place... Needless to say I just don't want anyone plagurizing my work.

Tomorrow I have a game, hopefully it'll be out last. It's really the only game I've hoped to lose... I just want the season to come to an end. I think the only person that has enjoyed this season is my mom. My dad apologized to me today for pressuring me into playing varsity. He doesn't even like the team...

Either way, I have at least 2 more days left... so damn close.

-Rabidus

This is Me

I look in the mirror and ask
Who it is
I stare in the corner and wonder
Why not me?
It took a deep look
inside myself
And now I've accepted that
This is me

I walk by myself and I
Don't know why
I cast out others so I
Don't cry
But it takes a deep look inside to wonder
But I've finally accepted that
This is me

I look around and see fear
And I can't see why
I look at myself and I
Want to die
It's a hard thing to wonder of who you are
But I've finally accepted that
This is me

And I see my reflection change from
White to black
Null and void my soul drifts on
Away from me
And I can't seem to know what
Happened to me
But thanks to no one
This is me

And I'll throw away my life just to
Get away
And I'll live and die not to
Fade away
I'll make my mark and say
This is me

I see my reflection the
Demon man
I look beside me I'm
Satans right hand man
And I ask you what you would do
But I'm the only one
To be me


[This song is actually very personal. It describes how I've changed over the past few years. Each two (paragraphs? I don't remember poetry terms...) represents a different year. The song is done, however it leaves out the final year. The song is apart of a series.]

First let me say that today was alright. I didn't have to deal with people I dislike, and it was an easy day. Hockey was boring as always, only 2-3 more days left. I haven't decided if I'm going to the extra practice next Monday.

As for the entry title, that is the new song I'm writing. I haven't got much work on it, but it'll sound good. By the end of this entry I may post an older song...

On another note, I started playing Guild Wars again. I started yesterday, and I'm up to level 7 now. I am a Necromancer/Warrior, which I see as one of the best combinations. Plus, Necromancers headbang when they dance...

Anyone who says Guild Wars sucks should really re-consider... The game in my opinion is only a mere step below WoW. The only thing World of Warcraft has over it is a bigger, more adventureous world. I think if you actually paid to play Guild Wars, they'd add alot more quests and such. However the free online play aspect of the game gives it a nice edge.

School may be canceled tomorrow due to high winds. They say we'll have 45-65 mph gusts... however as Gage said, "The school could be on fire and they'd still make us come." Which may be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the picture...

My mom got me digital cable in my room after she switched. We were getting screwed on cable apparently, and it only costs $8.45/month extra for another cable box. w00t!

-Rabidus

Gunshot

Gunshot wound
Thorns in my side
Nail me to your cross
I'm crucified
Damned to Hell
in my childhood
Now there's nowhere left to turn
And I'm feelin' good

Shoot me in the head
And stab me through my heart
Put your hands around my throat
Tear me apart
Shatter my soul
And destroy my dreams
Rip out my guts
Let's make this scene

Rip off my clothes
And crown me with thorns
I'm dieing for my sins
Not yours
And my last words will be
Before I die
"Make me famous for everyone to buy"


[That's not all of it, but I like it.]

Well I did some updates last night. Corrected my mistake, and made another one. I hope to correct that soon. After that, everything will be back on track. Good.

My friend and I had a discussion about the Marines today. The conditions are as follows: Our band sucks, our show is a failure, we don't get into good colleges. Under those circumstances, we will join the Marines. I highly doubt that though. If you haven't noticed, going to the Marines is a last resort.

I can see our band doing poorly, and out show having lack of support. However I should get into my college of choice, which is Ex'Pression. If not that, another good game design college. My grades are good (I currently hold a 97 average), I have no criminal record (hopefully I won't) and I'm taking alot of classes.

Next year will be awesome. The show, the band, the freedom from hockey. Three days and counting. It's so close to being over. I can't wait. Back to band practice!

-Rabidus

Sometimes I don't know why
We'd rather live than die
We look up towards the sky
For answers to our lives

I've barely been updating my profile at all. I just haven't felt like it. I'll try too.

I'm at a loss. I may have ****ed up big time. I don't know if it's even worth thinking about. I'll be fine in the short run, it's just the long run that'll kill me. I'd really rather not face the consequences...

Either way I can still try right? Myabe I'll just take my alternative path that I decided on, the Marines. A few months ago I made the decision that if my life wasn't going anywhere, I would just enlist. Boot camp'll suck, yeah, but what comes after that might be cool. You get to see new places, meet new people, you become stronger, the government pays for your meals and health. It's not really too bad, I mean, this war isn't ending anytime soon... plus, when you're mad, you're already killing.

I still don't think I'd be happy in the military though... I want to stay in the U.S and make music or games... maybe it just wan't meant to be?

Oh well, the times, they are a changin'...

-Rabidus

I don't know how things got worse, but they did...

Yesterday must have just been a precurser to the events that would come. To start the day off, I forgot my gym clothes. No too bad, right? Wrong. My hockey coach sees me, and informs me that I can't practice. That sounds good, right? Wrong. That just means I get to sit and do nothing for 2 hours after school.

Next I had to deal with constant stupidity all day. It didn't stop. Then I got to sit and do nothing for 2 hours. I come home to another dose of stupid. At this point I am literally shaking in rage. Then what happens? My computer decides that it doesn't feel like working correctly. That seems to be the only logical explanation because there's nothing wrong with the hardware, and I was only running 3-4 programs (Steam, XFire, AIM, WinAMP.) Then it wouldn't start.

From there I decided to make myself some dinner. My meal consisted of Ramen and a sandwich. The Ramen was good, and my sandwich fell on the ****ing floor.

I wish people believed I had a divine right to kill. There's a few people this world doesn't need, and I wish to kill them. No this isn't some hormonal, teen rage. These people need to die, before I do.

I'm starting to feel quite irrational. I wonder how much it'll take before I snap?

-Rabidus

Not many updates today. No time.

Snowboarding sucked... noobs everywhere. I can't tell you how many times I got cut off, and/or ran into. One rule, if you can't handle anything passed green, stick to green. If you can't turn, get the hell off of the moderate and difficult slopes.

I find it completely and utterly stupid that there were little kids and inexperienced skiers/snowboarders were going down blue and black hills. Whatever happened to the stereotypical fathers that brought down the confidence of their children? What should have been wasn't. There was absolutely no one on the green hills. No one. Oddly enough, that's where everyone should have been.

To make matters worse, they decided to turn on the "snow" making machines. In reality snow is in fact fine, thin ice. However what was coming out of these machines was just plain ice. Not fine ice, not thin ice, little chunks of ice. It was like riding in a hail storm. Not only that, it froze my already tinted goggles over...

The stupidity of mankind is beginning to push me off the edge. I'm beginning to think giving people a new perspective is completely useless if their too ignorant to understand.

I'll hang on a bit longer and see what happens. I feel like a human, but a human that's surrounded by monkeys. Then again, calling the people who surround me everyday "monkeys" is a complement.

Maybe I'm tired? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? Who knows...

-Rabidus

"Is anybody out there?"

My page is being updated as much as possible. A little bit today, probably not a whole lot tomorrow.

Kind of a slow day though... after hockey practice I hung out with Emily and Cory which was alright. Like stoners listening to music, we just sat around the SNES and played Mario. We were going to rent some movies, but that never happened. No one actually wanted to walk in the dark cold night seeing as we had no ride.

Snowboarding tomorrow should be nice. It's snowed quite a lot in the past week, but since they groom the slopes... it won't be as good as the fresh powder of last week.

Time seems to be moving so slow now. There's something out of place. I have some ideas of what it could be, however I don't think I could handle the possibilities alone...

Oh well, no use in getting lost in the abyss of wonder. I'll try and update more tomorrow.

-Rabidus

I call this day one, and it is dragging. My knowledge of this site is that of of newb, and has been since the update several months ago. Some things made simpler, others confusing. My updates are getting there, but not close to where I need them.

I started reading Red Storm Rising by Tom Clancy yesterday. Already, I'm on Chapter 5: Sailors and Spooks. It's a good read. The action occurs immidiately and frequently, which I like. Politically the book stands where just about every Tom Clancy novel does, tensions between the Soviets and the Allies/NATO. Either way it's a good read.

In the meantime I'm on the countdown until hockey is over. There's about a week until it's over. Sunday and Wednesday are off as well. Finally, it'll be over, and I'll never have to play the damned sport again.

Deranged Minds is slowly, but surely becoming bigger and more involved, locally at least. Just as every good idea, we have had mixed results. Some people can't wait, and others don't want to even know about it. Perfect.

More updates will come as time passes.

-Rabidus

 

Back to the basics, this user name is the reincarnation of MetalHeadsRUs. No, I didn't get banned before, I just chose to recreate and rebuild.

The main purpose was to start getting people used to seeing the name Deranged Minds. My new studio, on that will be productive.
Derganed Minds will feature music from Alienari, the reincarnation of Phosphorus. We will also feature our new show with the same name, Alienari. "Alienari" is Latin for the phrase "to lose ones mind." Lastly, we will feature art. I can already forsee it being called "degenerate" and "disgusting."

I hope to give people a new way to think, that's my ultimate goal as a mystic. Of course that's not the goal of every mystic, assuming there still are mystics these days...

I want people to think for themselves. To not be afraid to break away and find out the truth on their own.

-Rabidus