Rantmodeenabled. Is it just me or is xbox live about as friendly as sticking your wang in a toaster latley? (advice: don't try this, it isnt the magical shangrai la you would think it to be!) Ok so ive gotten good at Street Fighter IV. Real good. I know this because I can barely remember the last time I lost online, I went from winning 1 out of every five matches to winning 30+ matches in a row before someone gets the best of me (and barely) I have manned up, sucked up my punishment and been crushed night after night after endless ****ing excruciating night to finally find my place and rise above the competition. Ive put over 50 hrs into this game since its release and only in the last 10 of those have I passed this magical threshold into being a damn good player. I now know what Johnsteed7 was talking about, its just that point where everything clicks, you find your character, you learn the moves, the combos and how to slap people silly online. (we have to have some more matches man!) So I feel good. Playing this game makes me feel good about myself. Its fun to win, to be good. Its certainly not easy to get good but it can happen. But latley.... lately.... The quitters have left xboxlive it seems (qutting is what they do best afterall) :evil: But a new evil has arisen. So ancient and foul is this hideous beast that it permeates the landscpe around it in a bog like stench of filth and disgust. Its hatred for mankind knows no boundaries, and its quest to ruin your fun is serious business. SERIOUS. ****ING. BUSINESS. Im talking about: The Sore Loser SF4 is gonna cause me to get into all kinds of fights--- IN REAL LIFE IF THIS KEEPS HAPPENING kdsajlfkjaslkjlk111 I couldnt make this up if I tried. At least twice a night ill get someone message me over live insulting my mother, my family, my country, my dog, anything-- after I beat them. And some of them spam me with multiple messages. ONE KID SENT ME 30 IN A HALF A ****ING HOUR. **** YOU YOU LITTLE PIECE OF **** IM TRYING TO PLAY A ****ING GAME YOU ****. *rages* Its extremly aggravating that after I beat you in three straight perfect matches you have the cojones to message me and tell me I suck at the game. O RLY? THATS NEWS TO ME. But thats not all, they feel the need to keep messaging me till I respond just baiting me into an argument. So last night I spent probably abotu an hour cursing at 8 year old crybabys online, and it was about this time I realized I need a ****ing girlfriend. Now my mood is soured. I was in a great and cheerful mood until my mother gets insulted for the 30th time over a half hour. So what am I supposed to do? GET RIGHT DOWN IN THE ****ING TRENCHS AND FIGHT THATS WHAT. This is no longer about the game, you want to attack me come to northern canada and say it to my ****ing face! I dont care if you are 8, 10 or 65 or any age id give you a punch to the mouth in real life if you started spewing this nonsense to my face. So I tell the kid to **** off im trying to play a game (my leisure time is precious!) and HE REPORTS ME. Like im the badguy. If these kids are the future of our human race excuse me while I look for the tallest building to jump off. So my friends this is my call to arms, the next time you encounter these whiny asshats do me a favor and tell them godmode in coming to their house to eat them alive while they ****ing sleep :evil: /rantmodedisengaged ps:: wang.

The new viagra. Edit: Why do all my blogs relate somehow to teh wang? I think I have a problem :(

"commencing countdown-- engines on ;) "

No don't worry not you.... .... well ok maybe you.... you know who you are. To understand what I mean lets put this subject into perspective. Online gaming. Yep. I recently got back into it, for the first time since... well damn, a long time. I got my xbox live gold membership renewed, I got a new wireless router and bought the network adapter to make it all work. It was a fairly expensive splurge on my part but hey no man is an island or so they say (Im more like a spider monkey infested forest honestly) First of all, before I even get to the heart of my rant I have another mini rant. Why.Are.The.Xbox360.Accesories.So.Godamn.Expensive? $99 dollars for the network adapter....... who comes up with these prices? It would have been far more pleasent (and less expensive) for me to hot wire mah wang to recieve wireless frequencys. *bleep bleep bleep de bleep boop* "Honey what is that weird noise..... .. coming from your pants?" "oh football game is on seems im picking up TV signals instead." Hey, I never said I actually knew what I was doing..... but then I could just install an LCD screen on my balls and watch TV 24/7. Hell I already stare at my crotch all day anyways *It is a thing wonder and beauty* lawlololol watching tv on mah boys... awesome. ......what the hell was I talking about anyways? ....... .... .. . . . Oh yeah: Online gaming. I. hate. people. period. First of all the only thing ive really played so far is some RE5 versus, so I got lots more games to try online yet but what I hate the most is ..... QUITTERS I swear to god if you are playing online with my and im winning and you just quit I will come to your house while you sleep and grusomely fart on all your pillows and clothing. I can almost fart on command, especially when im drinking... and thats a lot of the time anyways! Yeah so im online, rocking out like a greek god in a middle of a greek god rockfest (they had those y'know its a fact) and people are dying all around me. And jeezum crow! Its actually not me having my butt plundered and desecrated for a change. No this time its personal. This time the butt desecration is all mine to enact! SWEET REVENGE. I may have lost the last 30 matchs of deathmatch but godamn I am the man now. People are not so much being murdered by me as they are simply killing themselves when they see me coming-- such is the futility of trifling with my godliness. Women are throwing themselves at me, and in my head there is a crowd of cheerleaders clapping and dancing. Ahhh that feeling, that RUSH. To dominate the competition. Yeah any given game you want to play with me ill lose. For a bit. For a bit. But im not called Godmode for nothing, im godamn GOOD at games when I get adjusted to the intricacies. Yes, that rush is what made all the money and effort of the setup worth it... to hells with the LCD man nuts-- this is incredible. 30 seconds left in the match. I lead by 50,000 plus points. Thats a lot of points folks. I cackle manically as I ruthlessly butt desecrate another player. *player 3 has left the match* *game over* o_0 I stare ominously at the TV in utter bewilderment that someone would just quit 30 seconds shy of a match, robbing me of my hard earned victory. Foam begins to formulate in the corners of my mouth Vison getting blurry. Red. Everything is red. *drinks whiskey* Ahhh ok. I play again, and again, and again, and again.. I play another 7 seven matches. I lose 1-- fair enough. I win 2--- awesome. THE OTHER FOUR ARE QUITTERS!!!! @!>!?!?!?!! ./;2r d.';,dl'm,11d 13r/';3/,dfl1 1 13;f,,l3f If you are a quitter. Please, remove me from your friends list. Because this is godmode signing off. Saying: I despise you.

one year closer to 30..... ugh

Rorschachs journal, October 12th 1985: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "save us" ...and ill look down and whisper "no" They had a choice all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father, or president Truman. Decent men who believed in a days work for a days pay. Instead they followed the droppings of lechers and communists and didnt realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Dont tell me they didnt have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloody hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth talkers... and all of a sudden noone can think of a thing to say. Just finished the book, one of the better stories I have ever read and im absolutley pumped about the film. The above excerpt is the starting lines of the novel, just imagine how good the rest is! This blog is just to pimp my love for this book and a big reccomend to those of you who enjoy a finley crafted story. Anyone planning on going to the movie?

Ladies, gentlemen, friends, and johnsteed (:evil: ) I have a problem. After a long haul through crazyville (an upside down world made of cotton candy that evil bunnys rule) I have discovered the source of my insanity. Games. We all play them, and love them unless you are me. See I am hopelessly addicted to playing bad videogames, and by bad I dont just mean bad... I mean so horrible the thought of eating glass and passing it through your instestinal tract seems appealing. I mean games so cursed by the gods that they infect all that play them with a mind rot so twisted, so foul, all that is left of a person is a withering insane shell, unable to know the warmth of sunlight or the love of another. Alas Godmode, I knew thee well. Do not mourn for me my fellows, for it is too late. I am now the slave of the mad bunny king Hiphoptimus Prime his disciple on earth to lure all the people into playing the bad games and succumbing to his evil mindrot. You cannot resist his evil for he is deceptively cute.... but make no mistake he is the devils bunny. Hiphoptimus says: grf nrff zipp tabo groit nyut!!! :shock: that means "I am coming for you next" in the language of the bunny! But we must resist!!!! I must warn my fellows of the bad games I have traversed these past days and I do so at great risk of my own life. Take heed my friends and be warned of these horrible abominations of mankind lest ye too end up a thrall of the mad bunny king. So below I place my warnings in hopes that its not already too late, and maybe I can find salvation from the madness they have wrought. I will use a rating system unlike those ever seen by the likes of man. I will rate the games out of ten in devil bunnys. The more devil bunnys the game has the more cursed it is in the eyes of man, a servant of pure evil meant only to corrupt the innocent and create a world of impure mad slaves!!! kl;asjdlkfsj1!! Are you ready? Take a deep breath, steel yourselves, for we are venturing into the very heart of darkness.... Hiphoptimus says: lol this girl just called me cute and tried to feed me a carrot so I stuck it in her eye and urinated on her while she was screaming herself to death, now I will add her skin to my pancake crown of evil. Wait, games? I LOVE games! :evil: Game Of Evil: Facebreaker Devil Bunny Rating: 8 devil bunnys out of 10 Woe is me, truly cursed am I! Abandon all hope once you stick this wretched pile of steaming pig vomit into your system and press power. You might as well just smash your head against the wall repeatedly and pray for brain damage or death, whichever comes first. The first thing I noticed about this game is that its an arcade boxer with horrible graphics and an even worse artstyle, its all "twisted" supposed to be hip and urban I guess, but really dont be fooled thats the bunyns twisted evilness corrupting the game from the inside out so foul in its hideousness. You can choose from several stereotype characters like a black guy called spin (who makes DJ record spinning sounds when he does certain punches..... GEEEENIUS!!) an asian chick, a witch doctor.... and oh christ who cares lets go with DJspinny Mcawesome and his crazy DJ antics! So you jump into a match and everything is lighting fast, over the top and screaming of game designers who probably got their degree out of a cereal box (they're magically delicious!) punch high, punch low, Dj spin attack supreme (chika chika woowr) and thats about it... Hold right bumper and press the corresponding buttons to block those same attacks, seems simple enough. Well on normal difficulty a round usually last between 7-15 seconds before you are eating the dirt and cursing the gods for ever allowing such a hideous button mashing mess to be made. My DJ powers haf fails me! So you try again, and again, and again. Until you reach about the 3rd person (out of like 15 annoying people) you have to fight and get trounced completly to the point where resistance is futile. This game is so incredibly maddening and cheap that you will wonder what sin you commited in a past life to have been exposed to this wretched taint of gaming. Your opponents dont just hit you once and back off, they do stupid things like burp out a poison gas cloud that stuns you, and then hit you 17 times in a row so fast you have no chance to block, and they win instantly. Its so maddening that the foul juices of hatred and rage shall flow free from your pantaloons as you loose your steaming hot justice all over this unplayable mess.

Hiphoptimus says: I got attacked sexually by a bear once. I wanted to make a game that replicated that exact feeling of shame and helplessness. Success! *hops in circles*

Game Of Evil: Rock Revolution Devil Bunny Rating: 9 Devil Bunnys Out Of 10 Truly we have breached the point of no return. This game is so bad it is with no exaggeration one of the worst games to ever have desecrated the industry by its mere prescence. Imagine taking a beloved series like Guitar Hero and attempting to clone it and its success but instead of a good clone you get a decaying zombie reeking of putrefaction and stolen innocence. This is bunny kings finest work to be sure, and merely speaking about it is giving me flashbacks to my palytime with it, curled up on the floor weeping like a baby and punching myself in the groin for falling for its allure. Groin punching aside, (ok ONE more then) *whimpers* first thing I want to note is that the game features about the half the songs of a regular ....y'know GOOD music game only about 40 to any other games 80-90 or so, so right off you know you are getting into something so half assed that king half assey of halfassia would rule it awesome. Next up is that every song is by a cover band. Every one. And they arent just bad, they're horrible. Its never a good sign when you fail at playing The Ramones "Blitzkrieg Bop" because you are too busy wiping tears of laughter out of your eyes to play song due to the singers horrible mockery of the song. Then you have the interface. Oh god the interface. Instead of the guitar track (where the notes come down) being tilted back like in every other game this one is completly vertical meaning you cant see !@#$ AND the guitar track takes up only a tiny corner of the screen instead of the whole screen like any other game so you have to constantly squint to stay in focus and prepare for the notes. This causes headaches. Seriously. Everytime I play this game I get a nasty headache, now thats awesome game design! Did they even test this thing out? Could they afford any QA at all? If they did they decided to ignore what was probably 100% negative feedback or hired brain dead camels with two heads. Those ****ers work cheap I hear. Now to top all this off, and this is really the kicker. They got the notation wrong in most songs. How is that you ask? THE NOTES ARE OUT OF TIME WITH THE FREAKIN MUSIC. This is surely the biggest cardinal sin a music game can commit. I don't know how many of you are avid guitar hero players like myself, but for those of us that are and that play on expert all the time you know what I mean when I say the rythem of a song being done right is the most important thing. I can play on expert on a song and glance at what notes are being played for that rythem section, easily memorize them, and then quickly figure out how fast/slow I have to strum to be in time to the song. Thats one of the biggest tricks of playing these games on expert, mastering the rythem... its is beyond important... its crucial. But Rock Revolution says !@#$ that Rythem is for suckers! !@#$ this game. Hiphoptimus says: I was the QA. heehee! to be continued...

A new year, a new beer, a new blog. I thought id share with everyone my top gaming moment of the year past. It took a lot of hmming and haaing mulling carefully over the score of games ive been through... but in the end there was only one clear cut "winner" Too Human Moment: The last boss fight/losing my sanity Frozen giraffe testicle on a stick I HATE this game!!! This game sucks. If you ever play it ill know. Ill know. And ill come over to your house and pee all over your things and make a mess! Even talking about this game brings back flashback insanity, my lips sneer at the mention of its name and my bowels release furiously into my undergarments. Fast forward 10 hours of the worst under garment soiling game experience of my life and we are at the final boss, some she witch half rotting jezebel corpse with boobs bigger than my character. For brevitys sake we'll call her boobzilla. Now in this game its important to know that after taking so much damage your items break. Thats right and against a boss, particularily the evil boobzilla you are gonna get smacked around a bit. A lot. And so your armor breaks making you take a ton of damage, your weapons break so you cant do barely any damage and you're stuck one on one naked Vs boobzilla and her knockers of fury. I always knew it would end this way. Her main attacks are shooting some beams at you or something, summoning enemys to fight you, and teleporting around the room like a horny spider monkey making it almost impossible to hit her in melee combat. So you have to shoot her. So it goes like this: teleport, teleport, teleport, teleport, teleport, beam attack, teleport, summon, repeat with perhaps more teleporting and boob waving thrown in for fun. Now when you die in this game.... you are "treated" to a death scene of a valkyrie angel thing coming down and picking you up in her arms and floating slowly away into the heavens... and then you respawn in the same room... with her life bar down the same. Now this dosen't sound so bad eh? Well after a while I had only my wussy pistol to use against her and it would take off a smidgen of her gigantic life bar.... and I mean a smidgen after like a dozen shots, the enemys she summons are infinite and can kill me in just three hits unless her beam attack hits me first them in dead in just one! I marvel at the fun and design brilliance of this masterpiece as im treated to the glorious awesome death valkyrie scene again...and again.. and again.. and... *twitch* I think im losing my mind its been over an hour and a half (real life time!!) of me fighting her and she still has 25% of her health left. What do her DDD cup gazookas absorb all the pistol damage?!? *death* AND **** YOU VALKYRIE YOU SLOW ASS WTF. Its getting bad.... ive hit two hours now on the same boss fight dying every 6 seconds or so... ive seen this valkyrie over three hundred agonizing times.. the real world is starting to fade away, its just me and boobs mcgee, and I refuse to lose to this polygonal silicone (double fake?!) boob death machine of a boss. Two and a half hours. Almost there. *teleport* *beam* *death* ASJDgkj1k;1nk1!!! Im starting to see everything in the color purple, I can actually taste hatred at this point! It tastes like cigarette butts and sweat from an elephants ass combined with maple syrup and banana juice. Its such a unique yet delightfull flavor. Almost three hours.... five hundred valkyrie death scenes at least... same boss... im getting full of hatred juice.. the world is spinning! I think im hallucinating, now theres a tiny leprechaun perched on my shoulder telling me to set things on fire. Yes fire. Pretty. What? Set my crotch on fire?!? It was right then I knew this was no ordinary leprechaun..... he was crazy! Besides, my crotch already burns enough from the herpes. *boss dies* YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!! OMFG WE DID IT YOU GAVE ME THE LUCK OF THE IRISH LITTLE MAN. My relatives are looking at me in a mixture of awe and fear. Apparently I had vistors and didnt even realize. That didn't stop me though. With hurtling speed, and a feral snarl I ejected the disc from the cursed 360 and gave it the justive it deserved. I mercilessy stuffed it down my sweaty crotch to first suffocate the beast, and then sent it hurting across the room to perhaps be found several hundred years later by archealogists with fours arms and two ass's.

Its 11:00 am. Coffee has been poured. Wait.... ill take that IRISH BABY WOOO!! Thats right, the one night of the year other people try to drink as much as I do every other night and fail miserably. Let those snotty little pant pooper kids have their Santa Claus, ill take nekked secretary dancing on the table for $500 Alex! Well ok thats really me nekked pretending to be a sexy secretary but still its good times. Secretarys are hawt. .....what were we talking about again? *drinks* Ahh yeah- drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drunk! So my plans involve complete chaos and alcohol, how about you? Got anything special planned? Me I plan to be so hammered that by the time a decent looking girl gets drunk enough to want to take me home ill pass out half way through the act and blame it on her in the morning that she wasnt good looking enough. Hahahahahaha Happy New Year!

Hallo strange flesh creatures, GME is gone. All gone. I haf telepoted him to our probing vessel where he shall be violated gruesomely by machinery. Strangley, this creature did not fight it like the others. He shouted strange earth sayings like "Whoo hoo it is the season of giving afterall!" Yes. The season of giving probings. You are next. My name? To pronounce my name kerrektly you would haf to inszert a dead chicken into your waste disposal area and roll your tounge faster than the speed of light. But you may call me Probathon 6000. I haf com from teh nether-regions of the outer space realms to observe your species! You are a strange race, hair everywheres. Disgusting! In exchange for going quietly and (happily..?) GME wished me to give you all a seasons greetings in his earth dialect. Smerry mistmas! no.... Hairy chestmas? Scary wristmas? Cherry flintness? Spary snotmoo? .......... This language is dumb. I should terminate your species based on dumbness. On a scale of one to dumb your race is stupid dumb. Stupid and then dumb. *sighs* Fairy Fitness! .... Garry bloopmaz? Smerry hoopness? I give up. I feel stupid dumb for even talking to you. Stop laughing at my inability to correlate your idiotic language! You there! In the blue shirt! I see you! Laughing. I shall evaporate your testicles with my ray gun for your insubordination. No more disgusting sacks of procreation for you. All gone. Now noone loves you, and you will die old and alone. All alone. Your race shall be replaced by the cows. Charming creatures that make funny noises when I slap their undersides. Heh. Enjoy your holidays while you can earthfolk :evil: And now I must return to the ship and oversee the probing. Much probing.