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Lokantis

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#1 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts
Like I said I am not going to kill myself yet because she havent broke up with me yet. If I commit suicide now, It would be stupid because that way I wouldnt be with her for sure. But if she does leave me and we never meet irl, I dunno what I would do. The only thing I can see that can help me is joining army but I cant just yet since I am not canadian citizen yet, thouhg applied for it and it takes about a year, and I dont know if I could wait that long. But really I dont see anything worth living for in my life except the girl and I doubt I would ever find it. I understand that the reason to live life is for fun, but I cant have any fun without her. Even if she leaves me and calls me a whore or something and says that she hates me, I still wont be able to be with another woman again. I could try and live alone but it would be really hard because I have hard time with other people. I wouldnt need to find a reason to commit suicide, but I guess I would need to find a reason to keep living. If you all dont believe I would do that, I guess I could prove it to you somehow if I do it. The only person I really would care to know if I kill myself is her, but if you dont believe me, I am motivated to prove it to you. I guess I really am an atention whore but that doesnt mean I am jking.
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Lokantis

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#2 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts

c'mon what do you say? Come to Tijuana with me to drive all the Tijuana chicks crazy? Solid_Link22

cant come there, because I am not canadian citizen yet

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Lokantis

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#3 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts

Suicide is never the answer. You're so young and you have an entire life to live. Instead of getting a fast food job go to college or something, meet people and get friends(a social life), and a real job. I would never trust someone on WOW, you don't even know the person. I'd imagine she could be some creepy pedophile pervert shemale man-thingy with big deformed kazonkers and a moldy male-thing. Just live your life and you will find your place in the world and true happiness. After all, you're only 18, who knows what surprises life will hold, eh?ligerz76

College is not an option for me since parents are kicking me out soon and I have to work full time to afford living. I might go to army though, but only when I become Canadian citizen, still about another year till application and if things go wrong I dont think I would be able to wait that long. I guess army would be the only thing that could help me.

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#4 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts
[QUOTE="Lokantis"]

[QUOTE="suicidalpoptrt"]I honestly think you're lying for attention. L ast time you posted this you got tons support from people so just quit your whining and move on. Ther's other fish in the sea.suicidalpoptrt

I've never talked to anyone as her who would understand me so well, and care for me even a bit. Besides I promised her I will never be with any other woman in my life except her so other fish is not an option for me.

And you're going to keep your word after she blew you off? Thats's pathetic.

Who said she did? It's just that it's all kinda hard when all you can do is talk over mic or text chat. But I am sure it will change soon

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#5 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts

I honestly think you're lying for attention. L ast time you posted this you got tons support from people so just quit your whining and move on. Ther's other fish in the sea.suicidalpoptrt

I've never talked to anyone as her who would understand me so well, and care for me even a bit. Besides I promised her I will never be with any other woman in my life except her so other fish is not an option for me.

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#6 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts
My story is quite long and complicated so I am not gonna describe all of it. Even if I tell it short (which I am gonna do), it will be one of the longer topics on gamespot OT forum. And I know it seems stupid to post such serious and long thread on this kind of forrum but I do it because there is a lot of people here, plus the fact that its long means that only those serious enough to read it all are gonna post. Also this story might seem like a typical love story, just fyi. Some people might say like if you wanna kill yourself, then just do it, why post topics on gamespot OT? But the reason I dont is because like I said I am still on the border and things are not clear yet. I don't even know why the hell I am making this topic, it doesn't really have any purpose and remember no one is forcing you to read this. First, about me in one sentence: I am a lonely 18 year old guy, living in Canada, with no friends, careless parents who are gonna kick me out of house in Fall, a job in fast food (which I just recently got), and poor and depressing childhood. Even though my childhood wasnt the best in the world, I managed to kind of absorb myself in fantasy world instead by reading forgotten realms and dragonlance books. And recently playing mmorpgs. I used to think I could live by myself fine, and that I dont need anything else except my books and computer. But then (are you ready for this?) I met a 20 year old, married girl on WoW that has had sexual relationships with 8 different men (more like boys I guess) in her lifetime. So in short, I will say right now that yes, she is the reason I am on the border of commiting suicide.. Anyway, even though we never met in RL, we have talked over mic and phone. And we do love each other and right now she is doing all the stuff ( she says she wants do start a new life without anyone's help, even mine), she is getting the money and she will soon file a divorce with her husband. Though she did say that if he finds out she is cheating before the divorce, all the family belongings will go to husband because of some marital agreement (forgot the name). And I was completely shocked when she said that if that happens we wont be able to be together, I am not sure why, maybe she meant we wont be able to meet for a long time because she woudl have no money but Idunno. And I didnt want to ask her because she seemed really mad and said that if I keep talking about what if's she is gonna break up with me. She said we have to be more carefull when talking online because her husband is around sometimes and can look at the monitor and what we type. Since then It seems to me like she doesnt need me anymore, she says either husband is around so we cant talk or she is too busy running instances in WoW. I wrote her an email 3 days ago and she says she hasnt got a chance to read it. I asked her today, will you read it tomorrow? She said, yeah maybe idk. I asked why not. She said, bc idk. I asked will you read it eventually? She said yep. Also at that time husband was around so I guess thats why she didnt want to talk. But I also asked her, wanna do dailies with me tomorrow, and she said sure. So I dunno, I never been in a relationship with a girl before. Right now I am just waiting till she reads my love emails and responds. In the last few days she did say she loves me a few times but we didnt get a chance to talk much so I am really depressed. I almost feel like she might act like this because she wants to break up with me but she knows that if she does it too suddenly, I might commit suicide so maybe she just does it slowly (she knows I would because I've told her before. Also she said she lost many friends that way.. when I first heard it I was kinda shocked like, so she seduced all those guys the left them and they killed themselves? So I asked her if they killed themselves because of her, but she said no) but it doesnt matter, if I lose her, I lose everything in my life because she is all I have and she is the only one who really cares about me. I have nothing else to lose or gain except being with her. And I am certain I will kill myself if I lose her. Maybe not the very same day but after living for a while after her and see how miserable my life is it would be pointless to continue. But on the other hand maybe I am only worried because of all the depression in my brain (after all depression is chemistry) and that I really dont have to worry about losing her like she's always been saying. We promised each other to never leave each other no matter what difficulties we might face and I believe its true. Well thanks for reading and sharing my feelings. I will ignore any posts posted in less than the time it takes to read the post.
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#7 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts

you never had a relationship to break in the first place, if you want to socialise just socialise on OT, i really don't see how you can know someone so well just over the internet, why don't you just arrange to meet sometime i'm sure she can get away for a day and you can get hold of some plane tickets down to texasmarkop2003

The problem is that would be way to suspicious to her husband. And she doesnt want anyone to know she is cheating.. She says she is making an aliby for her to leave for a few days. If she is lying I will find out sooner or later

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#8 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts
[QUOTE="spidermonkey11"]

[QUOTE="freek666"]Good God man just kill yourself already. If your suicidal you might as well get it over with. No one likes a downer and you just become an annoyance when you start going around saying that your suicidal and the such. You either do it or you dont.freek666

The person who talks about suicide never commits suicide

My point exactly. If he really wanted to commit suicide he would have done it already and this thread would never have happened. Death is something that each person must face alone, and if suicide is the cause of that death than so be it. You dont drag others into it because you're generally dying a dickhead. If you get the feeling that you dont want to exist anymore, but you are afraid of dying, then you seek professional help, but if you just want to die and thats it, no buts about it, you do it and thats it. If I was to ever kill myself, I wouldnt tell people about it. I would face it by myself and do it.

I think the one thing you forgot to think about is, not everyone is like you. And I am not even remotly like you so you'll never understand me. And dont think that you know everything in the world right.

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#9 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts

[QUOTE="Lokantis"]I really did make her believe I am emotionally dependant on her. And I never knew women dont like that. If I did maybe it wouldnt even come to this. Maybe if I dont act like that anymore everything will be ok. Although honestly I am dependant on her, because like I said I cant live without her.. But after all we havent broken up yet. She never said she hates me or anything. She just doesnt look at it as a big deal if we dont get together.ElectronicMagic

Well I don't think that will work, she already knows you are dependant on her. If this happened in real life, I would say your chances of having a long and lasting relationship would be slim to none. I never knew that women would completely turn off either when they found out how much you are dependant on them, it's something most guys have to learn first hand I think. You and her were never actually together, so there is nothing to break up, that's why she doesn't see this as a big deal if you never get together. She is still with her husband, if she had came to meet you and you guys made it official, that would be different, but that never happened so it's not the case.

My advice is to sever all ties with her, act like she never existed(she might as well not have). You should look for someone knew, someone in real life. But remember, don't ever let them know how much you depend on them and don't ever act like you wish you could cause them pain because they caused you pain. Things said in anger can destroy relationships.

You are saying it never happened, but who said that it wont? Like I said if she didnt want to meet me, she would put me on ignore a long time ago. But even if she doesnt come I will. Also she hasnt had sex with her husband since we met. So I still think she loves me, unless it was a huge stupid prank by her. LIke I was said before I' am gonna do anything I can do to physically get to her. And if it doesnt happen I dont know what I will do, maybe I wont commit suicide by then.

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#10 Lokantis
Member since 2008 • 320 Posts

Good God man just kill yourself already. If your suicidal you might as well get it over with. No one likes a downer and you just become an annoyance when you start going around saying that your suicidal and the such. You either do it or you dont.freek666

Dont worry, I will once and if I find that there is absolutely no way we can be together