A humor fanfic I'm writing. Please tell me what you think and suggestions for what should happen next:
Chapter 1:
Sara, Grissom, Greg, Catherine, Nick, and Warrick were in the break room, chatting after a long shift. They were talking about the pranks they'd played a few days back on Sofia, Brass, and Ecklie. "Did you see Brass' face when he opened that box?" Greg laughed. "I can't believe he actually thought it was a three-piece suit!" Catherine added. Everyone laughed as they recalled memories of Brass', Sofia's, and Ecklie's reactions.
Three Days Ago
Greg glanced furtively around him as he snuck into Ecklie's office. Ecklie wasn't due to be back from his meeting until an hour later. That gave Greg plenty of time to glue the openings of the case file envelopes on Ecklie's desk shut. Ecklie would be setting off tomorrow morning to review the case files with the sheriff, and Greg intended to embarrass him. Theoretically, Ecklie shouldn't be able to open the envelopes without ripping/cutting them. Greg giggled quietly.
Grissom carefully placed the suit box on Brass' desk, so as not to disturb the tarantulas lurking inside (the box, not the desk). Grissom had plucked an old suit box from Brass' trash can and filled it with his tarantulas. He hoped that Brass would think someone gave him a suit for no special reason. When Brass opens the box, Grissom thought, all the little arachnids will crawl out, seeking the light. Grissom guffawed under his breath.
Sara slowly, cautiously poured the sugar from the sugar bowl into a small clean jar. She then filled the now empty bowl with some salt she had brought from home. Sofia's the only one who uses that bowl, she had thought. All the rest of us are always too busy to put sugar in our coffee/tea. Sara had chosen a fine white salt, hoping Sofia wouldn't notice the difference. Sara chuckled. Sofia's going to get a hell of a shock when her tea's salty instead of sweet.
Present, In the Break Room
Suddenly, all the lights went out. The lock in the door (which locked from the outside) clicked ominously. "Blackout?" Sara suggested. "I don't think so," Warrick replied. "You hear that?" asked Nick. "That's the fridge." "Oh," Sara said, her theory disproved. "Shh!" Catherine whispered. "Listen!" The CSIs heard voices coming in through the gap under the door.
"What??? You didn't throw them in?" Ecklie asked in an exaggerated whisper. "I was afraid one of them would leave! I just clicked the lights off and locked the door! We were lucky we got all of them!" came Sofia's hushed reply. "Never mind," Brass assured them. "Just open the door now, and shove them in quick." Sofia yanked the break room door open, and heaved a pile of sleeping bags in. Then the lights came back on.
"Oof!" Warrick was crushed in the pile of sleeping bags, so Greg pulled him out. "I guess that's their way of getting revenge." Greg said. "Wait a second... they actually expect us to spend the night here?" Grissom asked. "I bags the couch!" Greg yelled, running for the break room's only reasonable place to sleep. "Ugh, the rest of us are going to have to sleep on the floor." Catherine groaned. "At least they were kind enough to give us sleeping bags," Nick said.
Chapter 2:
Sara moved her hand around as she blindly groped for something to hit Grissom with. She settled on a magazine. She aimed, and then whacked Grissom hard on the head. VERY hard on the head. "Stop snoring, for heaven's sake!" Sara hissed. "I can't sleep! Why are you even snoring? You don't usually snore." Grissom replied, "Well, I don't usually sleep on the floor, either." "Whatever," Sara sighed. "Just go back to sleep." She dragged her sleeping bag nearer the refrigerator.
"Turn it down, will ya?" Nick muttered. "I can't sleep," Warrick complained. Greg was listening to Porcupine Tree on his iPod, with the volume fixed at MAX. "How can listening to rock music at 100,000 decibels help you fall asleep?" Catherine asked. "It just does!" Greg replied. Nick, Catherine and Warrick simultaneously picked up their sleeping bags and shuffled closer to the other side of the break room.
Finally, everyone was asleep. Grissom, for some inexplicable reason, had stopped snoring. Even Greg was sleeping, his iPod slipping from his limp hand, which was hanging over the edge of the couch. "Hank... Hank, you naughty dog! You chewed on his shoes again! Gil, didn't I TELL you not to leave your dress shoes lying around??" Sara admonished in her sleep. Greg was singing Supertramp's "Bloody". He was dreaming about being onstage with all of the greatest rock stars. Catherine was muttering, "Lindsey, Lindsey, you said you'd be back by ten! It's nearly 2 in the morning!" "Wha..?" Nick murmured. "What did you say, Clementine? You're going to get a bellybutton ring?" Clementine was a recent acquisition of Nick's; she was his latest girlfriend. "Tina! How could you do this to me?" Warrick sputtered. "I thought I made the right decision by marrying you! I guess I was wrong!" In his sleep, unbeknownst to everyone, even he himself, Warrick picked up Greg's iPod and flung it across the room. He was dreaming about throwing a porcelain sheep at Tina. Further away, Sara, who was next to the refrigerator, felt a small rectangular plastic object hit her on the head. "Ouch." Grissom was cooing: "There, there, my little bees. Don't be scared. She's my fiancée. You're going to be seeing her quite a lot."
Chapter 3:
Greg was the first to wake up. He stared at his hand for a few seconds, realized what was wrong (his iPod wasn't in it), and started hunting around for his iPod. He found it under the refrigerator. The rigid bright orange plastic shell was cracked in five places, and the screen was frozen on "Feel Like Makin' Love". Greg gazed around with a critical eye, finally deciding that the only possible for throwing it was Warrick. Greg poked him. Hard. Warrick woke with a start. "Tina! I...I..." Greg stared at him as if he had sprouted tentacles. "Oh," Warrick realized. "It's you." "Yes, it's me," Greg agreed, "and boy, am I mad!" Warrick lay back down, moaning something about just because Greg's mad, he doesn't have to take it out on me. Greg shook him, snarling," Don't try the innocent act on me. It won't work. I know what you did, and you know it too. You're going to pay for this!" Warrick was confused. "Pay for what?" Greg held up his broken iPod. "You threw it, didn't you?" Warrick replied: "The only thing I threw was a porcelain sheep, in my dream. Wait. Maybe I did throw that. I have the habit of acting out my dreams." Greg hissed, "I haven't decided on what I'll do to you yet, but whatever it is, it's gonna be unpleasant." Warrick shuddered.
Catherine, who was a light sleeper, had woken up in the middle of Greg and Warrick's conversation. Her eyes were all swollen from lack of sleep, and though she tried to fall back asleep, it didn't work. So she decided that if she couldn't sleep, no one else should be allowed to. Catherine walked around, alternately shaking Grissom, Sara, and Nick. "Rise and shine!" she called in a mock-cheerful voice. Grissom didn't stir. Sara opened her eyes blearily and mumbled "What? Hank, did you eat all the leftovers in the fridge again? Oh, sorry, Cath, it's you." Then she proceeded to lie back down and continue sleeping. Nick whispered something about Clementine, then rolled over and went back to sleep.
Chapter 4:
"I'm hungry!" Greg whined. Everyone was now awake, but they were still stuck in the break room. Greg yanked the fridge door open and peered inside. "Hmm, what's this? Grissom-DO NOT TOUCH." Greg placed the jar back on the shelf. He decided to look in the freezer instead. "Ice cream! I thought we ran out! I'm going to have ice cream for breakfast! Yippee!" Greg danced around, looking very energetic for a person who had had only 3 hours of sleep. "I guess I can have your Blue Hawaiian then," Sara teased. "Whatever. I'm having ice cream for breakfast! Oh yeah! Wait til I tell my friends! Can I eat from the carton?" Catherine rolled her eyes. "I'll take that as a yes!" Greg grabbed a spoon lying nearby and started eating. Catherine poured hot water from a thermos into a mug. "I'll have some of your Blue Hawaiian too, if you please," she called to Greg. "No!" Greg insisted. "Only Sara can have my coffee. And Grissom too, if he gives me a promotion." Catherine, Warrick and Nick glanced at each other meaningfully. Sara smirked to herself. Catherine sighed. "I guess I'll have to drink that sludge in the coffee percolator then."
Sara, Grissom, Catherine, Nick and Warrick didn't have ice cream for breakfast, but they didn't exactly have bacon and eggs either. Grissom munched on a box of chocolate covered crickets while completing yesterday's Times crossword puzzle. Sara finished her slightly mushy fruit salad, leftover from yesterday's lunch. Catherine nibbled on some of her biscuits, brought from home and kept in the break room. Nick ate a sandwich he left in the fridge for "emergency purposes". Warrick wasn't prepared for a crisis, so Catherine offered him some of her biscuits. They talked quietly about the cases they were working on, with the exception of Greg, who was dancing around the room, while eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. "This isn't that bad, actually," Sara admitted. "Yeah," Catherine agreed. "Except for instead of me worrying where Lindsey went, it'll be the other way around."
Chapter 5:
Only when shift started did Sofia, Brass, and Ecklie let the CSIs out of the break room. "Did you have fun?" Sofia asked. "Oh, shut up," muttered Catherine, who was still cranky from not getting enough sleep. Grissom, Sara, Greg, Catherine, Nick, and Warrick stumbled through their shift, hungry and sleepy. At the end of shift they converged in the break room again, to work out a revenge plan. This time, instead of playing three different pranks, they decided to utilize the same practical joke for all three people. Catherine was to sneak into Ecklie's office and place a water balloon carefully on top of the doorframe, then wait. When Ecklie opened the door, the water balloon should fall on his head, soaking him. Nick would do the same in Brass' office, Warrick in Sofia's.
After placing the balloons, the CSIs hid and watched. Uh-oh, Catherine thought. Someone was heading towards Ecklie's office, but it wasn't Ecklie. It was Mandy, reporting to Ecklie's office to give him the print results. Catherine winced as Mandy opened the door and got soaked. "ARGHH!!!" Mandy yelled.
Further down the hallway, Nick chuckled as he imagined Brass' reaction when his suit got soaked. "Oops," Nick muttered to himself. Hodges, not Brass, was opening the office door. "Brass, the unidentified substance from the vic's--Oof!" The water balloon exploded and drenched Hodges.
Around the corner, Wendy was strolling into Sofia's office, calling "Sofia, the sample from the SAE kit matches your suspe-Ack!" Wendy closed her eyes as the balloon descended on her. "They're not going to like this," Warrick said grimly.
Chapter 6:
Ecklie wondered where Mandy had gotten to. She was supposed to report to my office about an hour ago, he thought. He opened his office door, found puddles of water and shredded balloon bits, then went to confront Mandy. Ecklie walked into the print lab, only to find a wet and angry Mandy toweling herself off. "Ecklie!" she shouted. "Did you HAVE to stick that balloon up there?" Ecklie was baffled. "Why are you all wet?" Mandy growled, "Because you had to put a water balloon on your door, so that when I opened it to give you the print results, I got completely and totally WET!" Ecklie thought for a minute. "Wait... I know now. The CSIs must have put that balloon there to get back at me for the sleeping in the break room thing." Mandy had no idea what he was talking about. "Never mind," he said, "Give me the results later, I have to get to Sofia and Brass now."
"Sofia! Jim!" Ecklie yelled down the hall. "Did you-" At that moment, Sofia came running down the corridor, an enraged Wendy chasing her. Wendy was shouting, "Now I'll have to go home and change before my date with Hodges!" Sofia was surprised. She stopped running for a few seconds, and asked: "You're going out with Hodges?" Wendy didn't reply, but only continued chasing Sofia. Ecklie sighed as they turned the corner.
"Hodges! What happened to you?" Brass enquired as Hodges entered his office. "You tell me," Hodges snarked. "How would I know?" Brass asked, confused. Hodges rolled his eyes. Suddenly, the door burst open, and Ecklie came barging in. "Wait!" he yelled, sounding like a deranged madman. Hodges' jaw dropped. "Jim, the CSIs are getting back at us for the break room thing, and they accidentally got the lab rats instead of us!" Hodges looked insulted and clueless at the same time. "Hey! You didn't have to call us lab rats! Without us, you wouldn't be able to solve any of your cases! What are you talking about anyways?" Ecklie didn't answer him, but dragged Brass out of his office. "Come on. We're going to rescue Sofia from Wendy, and then we're going to hunt the CSIs down."
Chapter 7:
"Wendy! This is unacceptable!" Ecklie admonished. "Even if Sofia had played a prank on you, which I'm sure she didn't, you had no right to chase her around the hallways! Get back to work immediately!" Wendy meekly mumbled something that sounded vaguely like "sorry", and shuffled back to the DNA lab.
Ecklie pulled Brass and Sofia into his office, and shut the door. "You've realized, haven't you, that the CSIs wanted vengeance for the break room thing, and instead of getting us, they've upset the lab rats!" Ecklie said. "Yeah," Sofia replied, "But what do we do now? After all, we weren't the ones who got soaked." Brass suggested that they should just sit back and watch, because Mandy, Wendy, and Hodges were sure to get their own revenge. The question was, did they believe that the CSIs drenched them? Or did they think that Sofia, Brass, and Ecklie made up the story?
Okay, here's the summary I'm going to put when I publish it:
Grissom, Sara, Greg, Catherine, Nick and Warrick play a prank on Sofia, Brass, and Ecklie. They retaliate by locking the CSIs into the break room for an entire night. Greg has ice cream for breakfast. Implied GSR and hints of Wedges. NO FLUFF.
Comments make me happy! (i.e. PLEASE COMMENT!) THANK YOU!!!
Log in to comment