APRIL FO... well it doesn't really make sense as people who are banned get the 'Game Over' screen and also if I was banned, I wouldn't be making a blog about it because... well I am banned. :P

Anyway, I am sort of halfway through my uni semester already! I have the mid-semester break coming up and boy do I need it. :lol: Anyway, not really much to comment on, life on a whole is somewhat getting better. I am not happy, I am not even content... but I am making the best of what I can. I still have a lot of work to go, but I am slowly rising from the low state I was in from the start of the year. :)

On another note, I have been thinking of starting doing LP's again. I know I have tried them before and they didn't work but I have a better computer that can actually record in-game audio, I have a way better mic and it will give me something to do when I get home absolutely drunk from a party. Yeah, drunken let's play's sounds like fun! :lol:

I guess that is all, a pretty brief blog but probably a relief from those types who can't stand reading walls of text. :P Hope you guys had a very... paranoid April Fools Day. :twisted:

:P

Started uni this week, so I may go months without a single blog and may even miss out on a few of my friends blogs. That is what I would usually say... but I am going to try and make this semester different and hopefully can balance my uni work with gamespot. From what I can gather, this semester doesn't look as full on as last semester so I shouldn't go off the radar too much. But don't take my word for it and if you don't hear from me in a long time, you know why. :P

That is really all I have to say, so how has everyone been? :P

Very late, but yeah, I have been a bit... distracted lately. I actually made this list a few weeks ago but I was contemplating posting it because I was angry at the time and felt I transferred all the anger out on these items unfairly. But I have given it some time, and yeah, it is mostly ranting, but I guess there is a few good points in there? Take it for what it is worth. :P

Runner-Up Worst Game of 2011: Sims 3 (3DS)
This is a terrible game. I just can't get over how poorly designed it is. Firstly, I am not hating it just because it is the Sims. I have enjoyed a lot of the Sims games, but this could have been designed way better, it feels unfinished. It is very watered down and for a handheld you have to expect a few cuts, but it didn't have to be as watered down as it was, the tech behind the 3DS could have handled more. The graphics are terrible, very DS graphics. Actually this feels like a DS port with just the addition to 3D. I know that sounds like what the 3DS pretty much is, but no, the 3DS is a lot more than that and the new Mario games for it prove that the console can take pretty decent graphics. But even then, as a DS port it fails. There are major flaws in the game that make me wonder what they were thinking?

Worst Game of 2011: Battlefield 3
Before you ask why I didn't put MW3 here instead, I am only counting games I actually own and made the time to actually play them. I really feel bad about putting BF3 here, but the more I think about BF3, the more disappointed I am with the game. I feel betrayed by EA and DICE, this game could have been so much better. What I wanted was all the great stuff that was in BF2 and BF2142 that defined the BF series plus a few cool gadgets like BF2142, with the Bad Company engine. What I got instead was the same watered down multiplayer experience I always got with the Bad Company with none of the Bad Company charm with the singleplayer experience. They were too busy trying to win over the CoD crowd, and yeah they failed. The CoD franchise is still one of the best selling franchises of all time and I know there is a crowd for Bad Company and BF3. But you lost me, I am not buying another BF game again. Technically, the Sims 3 should be worst game, but BF3 hit me on an emotional level.

Runner-Up Worst Movie of 2011: The Hangover Part II
I enjoyed the first Hangover, I didn't think it was as funny as people said it was but it was entertaining. The Hangover Part II isn't as good, but just because it isn't as good doesn't make it a bad movie. What does make it a bad movie is the fact that it is the first movie all over again. I know, what do I expect from a movie called the Hangover Part II? But it is so much more than that, it copies so much from the first movie to the point where it goes: "in the the first movie, this is the part where this happened. So in this movie, there has to be a scene just like this". It feels like the movie was made based off a template. But aside from that, I could have overlooked it if it was more funnier or entertaining than the first movie but it wasn't. This is a good example of a movie that shouldn't have been made.

Worst Movie of 2011: Transformers 3
I hate this movie, I hated the second movie, the first... I don't really remember that well but I am sure it sucked as well. These films are just pure, mindless eye candy. I was bored out of my mind, I didn't care for the characters, I didn't care for the storyline, the only thing I was kind of looking forward to was the ending fight scene but it ended in like a minute... my god what a weak fight scene. If there is a Transformers 4, I am not watching it. I would rather watch... Star Wars Episode I, yeah, I would rather watch the worst Star Wars film ever made (and trust me, I hate the prequel trilogy) than a Transformers movie.

Worst Song of 2011: Somebody That I Used to Know
As Ed said in the comments, a song being played over and over again can be annoying. If it is a song I like, I don't mind, in fact if I really like a song, I will listen to it again and again and never get tired of it. If it is a mediocre song, it just goes over my head. Now this is a song that when I listened to it the first time, it went over my head. When I listen to it around the 5th time, it got a bit annoying. Now every time I listen to it, I absolutely hate it, I don't even understand why. I swear, this song gets played on the radio more than any other song I know and everytime I hear it, I feel like hitting my head against a table or something. Worst part is, it is pretty catchy, but that is the best part. Even when the song is over, the tune can still torture me in my head. How much do I hate this song? I would rather listen to Friday, yes bloody Friday by Rebecca Black. Hell I would listen to the heaviest of death metal with distorted vocals that will make my ears bleed than this song. How much do I hate this song? I used to listen to the radio at night to help me sleep. But the radio hasn't been turned on in my room for ages from fear that this song will come up. Yeah, that is how much I hate this song.

Also Happy Valentines Day! I actually hate it and think it is the most pointless holiday ever... well that maybe goes to Easter but I digress. So yeah, Happy Valentines Day! :P

A bit late, but yeah 2011 was a pretty big year. So better not waste anymore time:

Runner-Up Best Game of 2011: Deus Ex Human Revolution
I remember the first time watching the trailer for this game and I was immediately hooked. I wanted to play this game purely based on the story however I didn't really know what to expect because I have never played a Deus Ex game. So I took a gamble, bought it and I was amazed how great the gameplay was. Nothing felt weak or half-assed, everything felt strong down to the RPG elements, combat, stealth, characters, story, music, everything this game does, it does really well.

Best Game of 2011: The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim
Yeah, yeah, I know. But I was a fan ever since Morrowind and Oblivion was my all time favourite game this gen. Key word: was, that now goes to Skyrim. I sure there is a group of people sick to death of hearing about Skyrim and the arrow to the knee jokes that came with it. But it is very rare to come across a game (a singleplayer game) that offers so many hours of fun. I can't say why I am in love with this game, you have to experience it for yourself if you haven't already.

Runner-Up Best Movie of 2011: Cowboys and Aliens
I am not entirely sure what people were expecting with this movie. To be perfectly honest, when I first heard about it I didn't really have that much hype. Just an average action flick with cowboys and aliens, no big deal. When I saw it, I enjoyed it. I thought the performances were great, the story kept me interested through the entire movie and to be perfectly honest, I would watch it again. It is no where near a masterpiece but it is a great popcorn flick, it doesn't try to be anything more or anything less. Take it for what it is worth.

Best Movie of 2011: X-Men First CIass
Marvel had a lot of great movies in 2011 like Captain America and Thor. If I had to pick one though it would have to be First CIass When I finished watching this movie in the cinema, I actually wanted to see more or at least watch this movie again and that is pretty rare for a movie to have that effect on me. Granted, the movie does have a few issues for instance I didn't buy the storyline surrounding Mystique and there were a few consistency problems in sync with the other movies but I really enjoyed watching this movie. I would even go as far to say this is the best Xmen movie in the franchise.

Best Song of 2011: Pumped Up Kicks
I know, the message is dark and for that reason I find it awkward to tell other people I love this song. But... but.. I am just so addicted to this controversial song. If you didn't listen to the lyrics, I mean really listen to the lyrics you wouldn't know what the song is about because that is the thing, this tune is just too upbeat for its own good. But it is more than that, I have never heard anything like it. It is so unique yet so easy to listen to. Honestly, I didn't think I would like any mainstream songs in 2011 because I hate modern music. But Foster The People has done it, well played!

So there you have it, the reason I don't have a runner-up song is... well because I don't have a runner-up song. :lol: Stay tuned for I will also be doing the worst of 2011. ;)

I feel so bad for doing one of these blogs, I really do. I feel like I don't deserve to speak my mind on this but when I have no where else to turn to, this is honestly the best place I feel comfortable talking. Well I have just recently come from a New Years party. Real massive, best of the year and all my friends were there. And no, nothing major happened at that party but here are my thoughts on it:

Pre New Years: I was excited, can't really deny it. It has been awhile since I have been to a real huge party and most of the time they tend to be a good night. Also I wasn't the only one, the hype for this party was huge, I mean people were looking forward to this party more than Christmas. But... well there is always a but. This is the celebration of a year I absolutely hate. This has been one of the worst years I have been through and I hate saying that because there has been a lot of good things. I just find it hard to appreciate them. This could of been one of the best years of my life but my mood has been so down, so poor, so polluted with sadness (I don't even understand) that I couldn't... I just couldn't find the heart to give recognition to all the good things and achievements I have made in 2011. But despite all of this, there is two things I knew I had to do. Firstly I can't let them know how I feel, I don't want to ruin the night for everyone else. The second thing is I have to try and have a good time, and that couldn't be too hard. I was excited after all. But again, I was concerned because I don't know how I would go.

New Years: It was a great party, it went smoothly, everyone had a great time, there were no fights or dramas, it went really smoothly and was a well constructed party. But did I enjoy myself? Not as much as I would have liked. I felt a bit lost during the night, I wasn't sure where my place was. The alcohol I had didn't even help. I felt physically drunk yet emotionally sober. Alcohol did nothing to help me when other times it would have. They say if you are depressed and drink, you will get even more depressed. I will say, it didn't do that, it just did nothing. There is really no point in drinking anymore. But I didn't do anything drastic or say anything about it. How could I? Everyone is having fun, I don't want to ruin the night. So I still tried, I still had a fake smile on my face and when asked if I was having a good time, I replied with having a great time.

Post New Years: Really depressed. I was depressed when I got home and I am still depressed tonight as I am writing this blog. The last couple of days I have been mainly reflecting on 2011 and how hard it has been for me. Today I have been reflecting on the future and all I mainly have is doubt. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I will ever feel the same way I felt a few years ago, even a few months ago, I mean I just keep feeling worse. I had high hopes for 2012 and I guess the worse I feel, the less hope I start to have. But despite all of this, there is two things I have to do. Firstly I need to tell them, I don't know what to expect, but I have waited long enough I need to tell someone I know. Secondly, I need to gather up as little hope I have left and attempt to get this fixed. It is going to be rough, but I can't let this go without a fight. I have never let anything go without a fight in the past, I bloody well better give this a fight even if I have to face a good portion of it alone.

A bit late, but Christmas was pretty hectic for me and just couldn't fit in the time to wish my GS friends a Merry Christmas. So here it goes: :P

Merry Christmas, hope everyone had a great day!

I got Mario Kart 7, 1500 MS points, a bottle of Jacks and a cool 360 controller that has air vents to keep your hands cool while you play. :)

What did you guys get?

This was a huge year for gaming and one of (if not) the best year this generation has. I did try to play most of them, but I just couldn't get to all, it was impossible. So here are the ones I missed out on:

Uncharted 3: I really want to play this game. Everytime I see the trailer, it just looks so dam good and I am pulled into the story the same way Deus Ex HR pulled me in with its trailer. I don't know if that actually is true (I haven't even seen any reviews or ratings for the game) but I hope it is.

Assassins Creed Revelations: I am a huge fan of the AC franchise but I just couldn't fit this game in. Being released around the same time as Skyrim, I had to choose between the 2 and considering I have been waiting 5 years for a TES game, I had to choose Skyrim.

Duke Nukem Forever: Yeah, it was a flop, I know. But, I have to play this game. I don't care, it is Duke Nukem, it has been in development for ages and I have to see how it turned out for myself regardless of whether it turns out to be a mess.

Crysis 2: I was actually never interested in this game until it was out. It wasn't until I saw some gameplay footage from a friend that I started to become really interested in this game. Having the same gameplay mechanics of Crysis 1 in this kind of setting looks like a blast. Also I can't help but notice that the start of this game looks nearly identical to the E3 footage of MW3. Crysis 2: You start underwater and reach the surface, there you find the city is in ruins. Hey looks, its the Statue of Liberty. MW3: You start underwater and reach the surface, there you find the city is in ruins. Hey looks, its the Statue of Liberty. :P Speaking of which...

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3: Not for the multiplayer, but for the campaign. As much as I bash the game, I do enjoy the singleplayer campaign and after going through MW1 and MW2, I want to see how this turns out. I have played a few local multiplayer matches with my friends but that isn't what I am after.

Mortal Kombat: One of my most anticipated and controversial games this year. I could blame its banning in Australia for not playing it but truth is I could easily import it. There have been threats of copies being taken and at one point they tried to scare us with a ridiculous fine but there has never been such a case, from what I could gather anyway. But really, I just haven't gotten around to getting it.

Resistance 3: Normally this would be a big game this year, but it just got pushed under the radar from all the other huge games. But yeah, I am really curious to see how this ends, especially since Resistance 2 left it on a pretty strange cliffhanger.

inFamous 2: Loved the first game and I wished I had the time to play its sequel. I was (and still am) a bit skeptical as I don't know if it could match the original but I am probably wrong. Either way, I have to play this game one way or another next year.

Batman AC: Actually, I still need to play Batman AA first, a game I didn't get around to playing another year. But this game looks great, Batman AA looks great, shame I didn't have the time to play either of them this year.

LA Noire: I am still really skeptical of this game, there has never been a Rockstar game I have liked... but just like I said with RDR 'maybe... just maybe this one is different'. This wasn't true for RDR and it probably isn't true for this game either but I am still sucked in... dam it Rockstar!

Finally reached level 50! :D It has been a long time since I have done a level blog and quite frankly this is all I got.

Oh well, here is Cyanide and Happiness:
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Dave/comickiteidea1.png

:P

Well this is level 50, when I first joined GS I never would have guessed it would get this high. Let's see how far it can get. :)...

At the moment I am writing this, I am feeling... ok. Not too bad and I am not just saying that. Usually when people ask me "how are you" most of the times a simple 'ok' or 'not too bad' is a lie. But this isn't one of those times, and I am in a pretty dam good mood. It is only temporary though and I want to get this off my chest in the state of mind I am in now and not the state of mind that has now become the norm. But first, I want to just share a little bit of history.

During high school, I wouldn't say I was happy, but I was content (which you could argue is the closest thing to happiness). My life wasn't perfect but I took it for what it was worth because when it came down to it, it could be a hell of a lot worse. I didn't have many friends but I was happy with the friends I had (and still am). I didn't have a girlfriend but I felt I didn't need one. I did run into a few idiots, but bullying was never a problem and consider myself lucky in that regards. School was stressful but I dealt with it, I never gave up without a fight. I wouldn't say I was the brightest person but I still managed to get through some pretty hard subjects and passed everything apart from chemistry but that is another story. Oh and while this was going on, I had excruciating pains in my right testicle if you remember that blog.

Now comes a new era. High school is over and it is my first year of uni. To be perfectly honest, I was a bit depressed after high school was over. I was missing my friends and while I did meet a few people at university, they felt more like collegues than actual friends. Also I was a bit disappointed about uni and felt like I wasn't enjoying the coarse as much as I should (actually I still kind of feel that way and probably will change my majors next year). So yeah, I was feeling a bit down but you know what, one night I went to a party, all of my high school friends were there, we all got drunk and made a speech that we HAVE to stay in contact, no matter what. That was all I needed. What I was missing at uni was fulfilled at parties. It was still hard, but I dealt with it like I always do.

Now this year, 2011, this is where I am starting to feel defeated. I am not going to lie, I was content the previous years, but I still struggled emotionally. That feeling of being content was what got me though. When I wrote those blogs where I used a template highlighting particular topics, I noted that my mental health was at a critical stage. Well how I feel now (not this exact moment but like this week/month) is worse than when I wrote those blogs. If I was starting to feel defeated back then, well I already feel defeated now. I have already done a few things that I may regret further along the line, they are nothing really serious like killing some dude or anything :P, but I am not proud of it. Here is a general idea of what an average day is like to me:

- I wake up, and I immediately regret waking up. I want to go back to sleep and I can't. I don't feel like getting up and I would stay in bed forever if it wasn't for the fact that my stomach is grumbling and I need to pee.

- I go about my day and hate every single moment of it. Actually that isn't true, the only times I am not is when I am distracted. Whether it is playing a game or talking to a family member. But I am not really enjoying it, not how I should. They are just aids to help me keep going before I lose my mind into a depressed state.

- I go to bed just wanting to end it all. I have lost the will to live and the only reason I am still here is because of family and friends. I can't let them down even if I have to suffer. So I toss and turn in bed and somehow manage to get to sleep a few hours later.

In one of my previous blogs, I had a conversation with edpeterson in the comments section and he suggested that I seek help. He is absolutely right and I do need help whether I like it or not. The problem is while I am strong enough to keep going, I am still too weak to actually get help. I really am trying though. I wanted to tell one of my friends but I never find the time. I really want to tell my mum but nothing comes out of my mouth. But I will eventually get help, I can't stand this much longer. One thing I have decided is that while I do want to tell my friends, I probably shouldn't and really need to keep this as quiet as possible. I still need help, but while everyone knows about depression, I don't think the majority actually understand depression (to be honest, I didn't either). I am not recovering from a tragic event and I don't know why I am like this, so it is very easy for one to assume that I am just weak and attention seeking. I already feel weak as it is. But I will get help eventually and hopefully be put on anti-depressants.

So that is all I really wanted to say, and wanted to be open with my GS friends.

And thank you if you took the time to read through this wall of text. :)

The reason I haven't been as active as I was is because Skyrim (the sequel to my favourite game this gen) is finally out. :D It all started on the 10th of November when I woke up and found out that Skyrim had broke street date in Australia. So there and then, I got ready and picked my most highly anticipated game this gen. Because I preordered, I received the Skyrim premium map and the two Elder Scrolls novels 'The Infernal City' and 'Lord of Souls' exclusive to the store I purchased Skyrim in. So when I got home, I installed Skyrim to my 360 HDD, carefully placed my premium map on the coffee table in front of me and got straight into it!

As for the game, it is all I could have hoped for in an Elder Scrolls there. Honestly I would have been happy even if it was half of what Oblivion was, but it not only matches Oblivion, it surpasses it in many areas. Better graphics, better voice acting and dungeons, caves and ruins aren't as repetitive as Oblivion. In many cases, I am just so impressed how much work and detail have been put into the locations and scenery. Also there are so many surprises which I can't say because of spoilers. Also there is so much to do, I have played this game a lot and I am up to Level 32 and I still feel like I am only scratching the surface of what this game has to offer. I haven't even completed the main quest because I have been too distracted with guild and side-quests.

So yeah, I will try and make the effort to visit GS every now and then. :P

Till next time.

;)