George W. Bush has died and gone to Heaven. After he passed the Pearly Gates he began to meet and talk to many people from the Bible: The Apostles, Paul, Jesus. They all welcomed him and told him how happy they were to see him.

Then he spotted a man standing alone, avoiding his gaze. George walked up to that man and said, "Excuse me, sir, have I done something to upset you?"

The man looked at him and said, "No, nothing like that."

Then George extended his hand and said "Well, I'm George Bush, nice to meet ya."

The man shook his hand and introduced himself as Moses.

"Oh, Moses!" George said. "It's so great to meet ya here! Why are you so upset with me, though?"

Moses looked at him and said, "No offense, but the last time I spoke to a Bush I spent forty years in the desert."

Splinter Cell: Conviction, the latest installment in the awesome Splinter Cell franchise, has been delayed. Again.

Okay. *Twitch* No biggie. *Twitch twitch* I can ding-doodily-diddly-daddly-oodly-foodly AAAAAAAAAAAAGGHGHGHGHGGH!!!!!!!

WHAT THE ****, UBISOFT?! 2006! TWO-THOUSAND-****ING-SIX!! That's the year SC:C was ANNOUNCED, goddamnit, and it has been FOUR--count 'em, FOUR, one, two, three, four potato FOUR--years! We WERE PROMISED FEBRUARY, damn it all! We were told, "Okay, we're gonna stop dangling the carrot in front of you and really put it on February this time." And when we got so close, sooooooooooo cloooooooooooose you can almost smell Sam Fisher's old guy scent, closer than we ever got before, they yank it away again and go "Hahajustkiddingit'sinAprilsuckers".

HULK SMASH

TWO. CARS.

I left for school this morning and there was ice on the windshield (a terrifying experience for me, someone who has never seen snow and lives in Hot Country). Okay, I told myself, I'll turn the car on and splash some water on the ice and wipe it up and go my merry way.

After that, I went my merry way for a while and came across a wee problem: my windshield wipers wouldn't turn off. Okay, I tell myself, I'll just turn the car off when I can stop and that'll turn off the wipers.

The plan went well until the car didn't turn back on. Apparently, freezing-balls weather drains car batteries.

Did I mention I was right behind a stop sign?

So I called my mommy (this was seven-thirty in the morning, mind you) and she came and tried to see what was wrong with the car, couldn't do anything, get in the van and I'll drive you.

Well, then the van didn't start up.

So now we had two vehicles broke down in front of a stop sign. Two vehicles that I, an out-of-shape homosexual, and my mother, a fifty-year-old woman on disability, had to move. One of which was a van.

Eventually, a semi truck came up behind us and the people inside it were nice enough to help us move the cars (possibly because they couldn't go around like the other twenty cars that came our way, selfish assdumps). Then we called my grandfather who came with his truck and jumpstarted mommy's van and towed the other car away (couldn't get to its battery).

And I still made it to school on time. 8)

I just finished Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert, which was the sequel to Dune. . .and I have no idea what the hell I just read.

Seriously, the first Dune was pretty cool, but this was page after page after page of utter nonsense. Oftentimes the very characters point out that it's nonsense. It's like reading the Timecube in some instances.

I hope the rest of the Dune books aren't like this, or I won't even bother.

I've decided to set my blog posts (not my entire profile) to where only those on my friends list can see.

I should be slapped 21 times: one for every year I went without reading this marvelous book. I normally don't read this kind of book, but I picked it up because it was such a cIassic and holy crap it was amazing. It is a crime that Harper Lee never wrote anything else, because she is fantastic.

Well, I've been alive for 23 miserable years. :D

Incidentally, happy birthday, Hayao Miyazaki! :D

I just read Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis. It was amazing. It's a retelling of the myth of Cupid and Psyche told from the viewpoint of Psyche's older sister. It's no wonder he considered this his best and most important novel; it was really, really good.

And wow. This movie was absolutely phenomenal. I can't believe I haven't seen it before.

*Looks down at previous blog post*

>___________________________>

*Ahem* So, I got money for Christmas (despite insistence that I didn't want any) and now I have nothing to do but spend it. I have enough for either (but not both) a Playstation 3 (120 GB slim) or a 3G 32 GB iPod Touch. I currently have an Xbox360 and would have to unplug it every time I wanted to play the PS3 (and vice versa), which would get annoying, but I really wanna try out the Uncharted games as well as some other stuff on the PS3. I also currently have an iPod nano, which is cool except for the dwindling battery life, and that makes me feel like another iPod would be a waste of money, but the APPS!

Or do you have another suggestion? I already bought seven books from Amazon (Dune Messiah, Forever Odd, Brother Odd, Odd Hours, The Name of the Wind, The Odyssey, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest), so I'm in no need for games or books right now, thnx. :P