56. Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?

57. Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

58. Have you ever had a dream so clear that you remember everything about it when you wake up? But from the moment you wake up, you can feel it slipping away?

sorry i havent been posting much, but mgs3 has had me pretty preoccupied. i beat it the other day, this game is unpresidented. the end was so beautiful and sad. but for the first time ever, i had the majority of the plot twists figured out before they were revealed. that has never happened with a metal gear solid game before, i was always blown out of the water and left dumbstruck by the plot twists in mgs 1& 2 because i never saw the twists coming. but the twists werent as big as in the other games either. u know why? because a bunch of redneck hicks didnt understand the story of mgs2, well u know what i say to those retards? If u want to understand the game, actually watch all of the videos and codec calls, and pay attention. if u still dont get it then u are not worthy of play mgs. f* cking retards, i hate u, u made hideo kojima change his creative genius so that u could understand, because konami wanted to make more money. this is supposed to be the last metal gear that hideo creates, it should have pulled out all of the stops and made a story so complicated that u wouldnt understnad it fully until u played the game twice. i hate u, u f* cking a$$holes

proverbs:

55. I good you, Bid evening.

mustang: 14

i love mgs3, it is so beautiful, there are no straight lines on the characters faces, there is a kiss in the game, i wont tell who, but it looked real, do u know how fake videogame kisses look, this looked like two real people kissing.

hanging out with kelly on friday was fun, we went to the mall and ran into matt, so we all watched national treasure which is a long movie, it was ok i guess. kelly and i found two mustangs in the parking lot while we were walking to my car, technically they where the first 2 of the day because it was past midnight. but i didnt get kelly home until 12:10 so i hope her mom wasnt mad. next time we hangout, i hope that we get a chance to talk about stuff because there is a lot of stuff for us to talk about.

wednesday was the greatest day of my life. mark it in your calendars, today we witness the birth of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. and i own it, im going to go play it right now. but before i go i will say the other reason why this day is so great. Metal Gear Solid 4 has been confirmed to be in the works, so much for this being the end of the trilogy huh. well im going to go play now, wish me luck im playing in hard mode

proverbs:

52. Better to be in the frying pan then the fire!

53. SSSHH! Your eyes apologies better...

54. Revenge is a meal best served Cold!

mustang: 29

ok, so i watched vanilla sky again last night, my eyes welled up at the same scene again, but they didnt over flow and go down my cheak. and i watched the end of man on fire again, its so sad...i had to fight back the tears, the ways she screamed "Creassy" gave me goosebumps, "I love you Creassy, and you love me too..dont you?" wow, so amazing! once again i suggest that everyone who reads my xanga should imediatly go to hastings and rent eternal sunshine, man on fire, and vanilla sky [they only have the vhs of vanilla sky] and whatch them one night at a time, and watch them alone if u can, and allow yourself to be completely absorbed into the movie. they will be three days that u will not soon forget!

Currently Watching
Man on Fire
By Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, Christopher Walken
see related

proverbs:

49. A bullet never lies.

50. A man can be an artist no matter who he is. The mans art will be whatever he is passionate about. My art is killing, and I am about to make my masterpiece.

51. Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

mustang: 5

i watched that movie last night and it was amazing! i loved every second of it. i never would have thought that this movie would have love in it.

watching these movies [vanilla sky, eternal sunshine, and man on fire] i noticed how many types of love there really are in this world. they are all different, but they all share one thing. when they are in their true forms they are strong, strong enough to survive through anything. in their true forms a person would go through hell itself to save the person they love. true love lasts forever. true love is greater than time itself. all three of these movies are so beautiful, even though they all have different forms of love in them. rent these three movies and watch them, one each night, by yourself so that u can be consumed in the story and so that u wont be afraid to cry. im not afraid to cry and im not afraid to admit when something has gotten to me and has made me cry either. i will say that every single one of these movies had me crying at some point. eternal sunshine didnt make me cry very much, my eyes welled up but they didnt overflow, because the movie was somewhat funny and it didnt have one big scene that just gets to u. vanilla sky had me really crying at the end, but they were tears of joy and happiness mostly. but man on fire, wow, i cant remember a time when so many tears ran down my cheak, the end was just so freakin sad. i think the reson why all these movies got to me was because the characters all did exactly what i would have done and it was like watching myself doing all those things.

by the way, when i cry i dont blubber, tears run down my cheak and thats it, my facial expresion doesnt change or anything like that, only tears run down my cheak.

and dont think of me as anyless of a man because i cry when something trully sad happens! i dont cry if i need to hold it in and be strong for others.

proverbs:

48. Ah, Dreams! Dreams! Dreams! Dreams! They give you a false hope! They let us see our deepest and inner most desires, but the can only show them to us, they can never give it to us! Its enough to make you want to sleep forever!

mustang: 0, but its early in the morning and i havent driven yet

I made that proverb up this morning after i wokeup from a really good dream. those exact words were the first thing out of my mouth. im very philosophical in the mornings dont u think?

proverb:

46. Love sought is good, but love unsought is best.

47. Love cannot be taken, it must be given.

mustang: 2

I am in LOVE!!!!

proverb:

45. The months they don't matter...its the days I cant take, when the hours move to minutes and Im seconds away.

mustang: 11

im going to start posting the amount of mustangs i see everyday... on monday i saw 24, and tuesday i saw 32.

i received a letter today. and i am so happy because of it, i cant remember a time when i was this happy. unless i get another letter this good i dont think i will this happy again until i see the person that sent it to me. oh syble, this distance between us is so painful, i can hardly stand it....4 months is an eternity.

oh my god, things are so screwed up right now, i dont know how to fix it. friday night i couldnt even sleep, except for about an hour when i passed out from exostion, but while i slept i had a dream, in this dream i basicly relived everything that happened at the football game, but i was this ugly horride looking monster, and no one could stand to look at me when thety talked to me. that is how i felt that night, and when i wokeup i started to cry, yes cry, i will admit it, im not ashamed. i couldnt stand the thought of everyone being so mad at me, i was only trying to do good, but i need a minute to explain myself.

josh has made his statement and told everyone the truth. now coral and kelly u probably think that i was just lieing to your faces on friday night when i said that it wasnt true.well i wasnt lieing, it wasnt the way josh had said it originally, it is the way that he is saying it now. when he first said it, it was in anger and he didnt elaborate and tell the full story, now he has, but i will tell u the complete story of what my motives where, well i cant say motives because that would mean that i stood to gain something from it.

as regards to coral, when i first heard that paul had grabbed u by the wrists once and made them bruise i thought ok he just lost it for a second, but then another time i heard that he had pushed u into a chair, even though your leg was all screwed up, i started to wonder if he was really right for u, no man should ever do anything to harm a girl no matter what the curcumstances, i knew that u had a bad life so far and i didnt think u needed someone that could possible turn out to be an abusive guy in your life. i wasnt trying to "break" u up by creating a rift between u, i didnt want paul to breakup with u, and i wasnt trying to steal u. now paul i think i was wrong about u, i mean no one had ever taken the time to really talk to me about u. if coral had told me about how much u mean to her, and stuff like that, i wouldnt have thought that u where such a bad guy. and coral im not saying this is your fault, its all my fault. my human nature wants me to put the blame onto someone else, i want to say its joshs fault for saying what he did, but i know that its my fault because i started it. im not asking anyone to forgive me, because i dont deserve for anyone to trust me, i dont deserve your forgivness. what i did was completely wrong, i just wish i had taken the time to talk to one of u about it and then maybe this whole thing would never have happened.

and as regards to kelly and ben, i read on kelly's xanga that she cuts, well i thought that she still did, but she doesnt, i thought that she loved ben, i could see it when they were with eachother, but practicly all i have ever seen them do was fight, so i thought he was making her cut because he made her fell really bad. but i didnt know that they where fighting because me. i didnt know that ben is whats keeping her stable, i thought he was the problem. can u see why i thought that maybe it wasnt such a good idea for them to be going out. and again i wasnt trying to force them appart, what i told josh was that it might be for the best if they broke up. but i was wrong, again if i had talked to someone about it, i would have seen what was really going on, i assumed to much.

i dont know if u guys will ever forgive me, and if u want to hit me, if it would make u feel better then please just hit me, for the pain that i have caused u i deserve no mercyatleast it would make me feel better to know i have done something to make u feel better, and if u want me to go and leave u alone, then i'll start walking, but its up to u to tell me how far to go, just tell me what to do and i will do it, all i want is to make this right, because i have done so much to make it wrong. just know that i wasnt trying to break u up, i just thought that it might be better that way, but i was wrong, so wrong. and know that i care deeply about both of u, and i only wanted the best for u. i appologize with all my heart, and i am completely honest when i say that i would do anything to fix it. u have my number if u want to talk, but i doubt u will call because i dont deserve to be forgiven. i feel so bad about this. i havent done anything but sulk all weekend, i watch sad movies and listen to sad music, i dont go out, i dont talk. it took me an hour just to start typing this, i was so afraid of what would happen after i posted this. i thought about climbing something tall and slippery, because of the rain, i was hoping that maybe i would fall off of it, and that would wake me up from this nightmare and everything would be the way it was before, but nothing will ever be the way it was before, nothing. i went outside and stood infront of the thing that i was going to climb, i stood in the rain and hoped i would get nemonia, and then i started to climb, i climbed higher then i had ever climbed it before, and my wish nearly came true, i did almost fall. i was so scared, i didnt want to die, or go into a coma, so i climbed down slowly, and almost fell 2 more times. i dont know why i went into that state of mind. anyways i will say i am sorry, and that is all i can do, just tell me what u want and i will do it, i promise.