I went outside once. The graphics weren't that great.

I'll be real easy to get along with once everyone starts worshipping me.

Today this strange guy called me a salt-shaker. I thought I'd take that as a condiment.

2 fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive."

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

I'm on an alcohol diet. I've lost 3 days already.

The difference between a drunk and an alcoholic is a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings.

People just get jealous because the voices are talking to me and not them.