Well, here I am, almost a whole year later, and what have I accomplished? Well, I started school at the University of Phoenix online for Human Services Management. I have completed my first 2 classes, and am smashin through my second set amazingly. I had an A for my final grades in both last classes... well one was an A the other was an A-. Still proud of it tho. :)

My kids are both in school... its such a relief to have them in school, and they are learning SO much more then I would even KNOW how to teach them.

I am still going through a divorce, he is being a jerk in not signing or sending the papers back, but I will get him... I will.

I havent been able to play games, my consoles are in NC, and my net sux too much to play WoW (yes i know... boo away but i really enjoy WoW).

Well thats bout it, ill try to update more often.

Miss all of you very much.

-Miss Hellcat

Im finally getting a divorce. I have to wait till I get back to wisconsin to file and all that but thats fine with me. As long as it happens. There is a TON of drama that im just.. well it kinda sucks to say it all, but its kind of rocky. Need to find someone to drive up to wisconsin with me and the kids and the dog. its too rough of a trip to take on my own so yea.

I dont know why I keep letting the same thing happen to me over and over again. I really just feel like my heart and soul are disintigrating and only a few fragments of it are left. I dont really know much about joy, about feeling good.. like feeling really good .. like about myself or my situation.. like i used to have hope. I used to feel the sparkle in my eyes when id talk about what I wanted to do with my life, what i wanted out of life. Its gone now. I feel like i am trapped in a deep dark tunnel with no light, and not knowing if im going up or down further. I honestly dont know how much further i possibly could go. Why do I let him keep doing this to me? Why? Why cant I be strong enough to say 'Im gone" and follow through? Why do I feel like I have to stay? I dont know what it is. I dont know why I do it.. but I cant go. I care cause it hurts.. but i dont care cause im used to it.. or something. ..no... thats not it. I care.. i care both ways. I care cause i am used to it and that bothers me. But why am i so afraid? Have I let him manipulate me so much to where i dont think ill be any better away from him? That might be it..

What I need is a real person... a real "knight in shining armor"... someone to come to me, grab my hand, look in my eyes, tell me I am beautiful, strong, and do not deserve what i am going through cause I have been through so much already, and hug me tightly, then tell me that Ill be ok and take me and my kids away. Thats what i need but i know its childish to think that could or would ever happen. I feel so low.

Oh and its my golden birthday on the 25th. ... but it doesnt even really matter.

Well, its Christmas in a few days. We went christmas shopping yesterday, didnt spend hardly any time in the store cause there were so many people and it was freaking mike out and carts kept bumping into his broken leg. I can understand that tho. But we got home and he gave the kids their gifts. So basically its already been christmas. He just felt bad keepin the toys from them, they saw what they were getting and all that, and "Santa" came early- they had a toy drive for the company and the guys were supposed to bring toys, they got distributed to the guys in the company who had kids so yea. Early santa.

As far as the drama between mike and i goes.. I dont know if its just a feeling of defeat, or acceptance or both, but either way im here still, i know his feelings for this other girl, and I am just.. well I guess just waiting. She lives far away right now, but if she moves in or closer or whatever... like i said before.. ill just have to go. And he wont be able to stop me this next time. Hes only stopped me so far cause i just dont have any money. not enough to get back up to wisconsin, or for anything for my kids.

Ugh. I could really really use a vacation from everything and everyone. Id love to go to a spa or go to a retreat of some sort... This summer hopefully. Horsebackriding has always been theraputic for me. And my friends. *sighs*

If i could have just one thing for christmas, it would be a friend who would come here, spend time with me, help me cheer up, help get me out of this non motivational depressed funk im in, help me clean my house (yea.. been soo depressed ive sorta been lacking in the cleaning department... and thats seriously not good.), and help me remember that i get to have fun sometimes too. But im so far away from everyone.. and Im too shy to meet people here, especially with being depressed now.

Yea, I am ready to just give up, pack my bags, and gtfo. You would think that being married sorta means yanno.. 'loyal'. But I guess that whole concept surpasses my husband. Hes recently confided in me that he wishes we had a 'swinger' kind of relationship, where we could do whoever we wanted. I'm not that kind of lady. I thought about it for a while, cause I just wanted my husband to be happy. So i seriously thought about it. But no. I cant let that happen... not while we are married. I dont wanna be with anyone else but him... and it hurts i guess that he does.

Also, a huge issue now, is that theres a girl who has pretty much won his heart. He doesnt know her irl, but they met over WoW. They talk a lot, and ive talked to her even. She is a good friend to him. Shes in a very bad place right now, with her current living conditions and my husband is worried for her safety and has offered her to move here and in with us. I of course am irritated by this. He also told me the other day that if she moved here he would do her. But only if she did me too. I was like 'i dont wanna have that kinda relationship with anyone. I just want you. So looks like you wont be getting any from her cause i will not do her.' Its stupid. Im so frustrated. If she moves here... im out. He can have her. He told me also that he does love her. And its complicated. So ill cut the problem out. Im tired of this anyhow. *Sighs* I wanna cookie.

Yep, im totally full throttle for TG now. I want turkey so bad I can almost taste it, and I really really cant wait! I need to buy another pie tho I think. I have a pumpkin pie but you need like 3 pies for thanksgiving. Or more. More is good. Mmm juicy turkey. Stuffing too. Yep. Craving it bad!!

We might be inviting one of my hubby's friends over to eat with us.. but thats all up to my hubby to invite him. He is married but cant make the trek back home for thanksgiving. My hubby says hes his friend but then the next day hes like 'hes a work friend but outside of work hes soooo annoying! But hes my friend' So i feel like i got myself stuck in high school drama lol. I told him its all up to him, but there will be enough food. Everyone will be full if he comes or not. I personally think it would be a nice gesture, cause he cant make it home and all... but same goes for over like 5,000 other guys here and i totally dont have enough food to feed all them. I sad for that :(. If I had the money to spend on it I would put on a thanksgiving for them. Better then chow hall food too... id have real food and have different kinds of turkey... like deep fried, and then different seasonings on em and stuff for variety. Crushed mint actually tastes really good baked into it. I tried that one year. Delicious! This year its sage though. Anyhow, id have my family recipies for baked corn and creamed green beans and all that stuff. Yummy food for meh soldier brothers n sisters. I wish I could. I know they get turkey at chow hall n stuff but its not the same. Id decorate too!

So I have been playing my WoW. My death knight. Love it so much! Im excited about it STILL lol. Northrend is a pretty neat continent. Pretty impressed with what blizz pulled out of the bag... and their fourth year anniversary present to us.. a baby blizz bear... super cute! baby polar bear to follow you around. Totally cute.

People have also been crawling out of the woodwork too. A few people from high school have gotten a hold of me, and its nice to talk to them again. One of my very best friends actually that moved in middle school. It was great to hear from her again. Another good friend from high school found me too. Im just kinda weary that her friend who used to be my friend is going to make a huge deal about it. Apparently I sabotaged her, tho we were very very good friends. *shrugs* I would never stab a friend in the back but apparently she thinks I did. All well. Past is done with.

Back to thanksgiving. YAY for turkey! Man i cant wait! TURKEY!!! Juicy succulent turkey!

I love turkey so much. Its one of my favorites, but I only make it once a year. And it is almost time to make another! I got all my ingrediants for things im gonna cook and am just waiting impatiantly to cook them. We are gonna have yams, cranberries, masthed taters and gravey, STUFFING!!, pumpkin pie, sweet tater pie, creamed green beans, baked corn, and of course TURKEY!!! and LEFT OVERS that ill be happy to eat lol.

We got our copies of Wrath of the Lich King, and have been playing that. We were gonna get our main toons to 80 but decided our Death Knights are just too wikked and awesome that they are gonna reach 80 first. Have not seen Northrend yet but I hear its actually really pretty. I have been saving all my gold and actually almost have enough to buy the death knight flying mount... 950g for that but its a mount that goes according to flight training so at least i only have to buy one flying mount instead of two. I need to really get my butt in gear and work on my other toons so i can get their professions up. Mainly my alchamist and engeneer... blacksmith would be a good thing too. Unfortunatly most my other toons are like lvl 25ish lol. Long way to go with them.

My hubby is loving his CoD5, discovered the zombie thing and he plays that with one of his clan er guild... whatever he calls it.. members and i KNOW hes havin fun cause he gets all excited lol. Maybe I will try my hand at playin that game some day but i think id be more able to do it on the xbox rather then computer. my refexes arent the fastest on the keyboard but better on the controller.

Speaking of hubby, he had his dr appt yesterday and the took his cast off. They put a CAM boot on (dunno what CAM means but yea), its basically a velcro on boot with metal braces on the side... a splint kinda lookin thing/concept. He still is supposed to use his crutches, and they have him goin to work still, but no PT. Apparently thismorning there was no pt and they had to do something else tho and he was mad about it... i was half asleep when he was changing and grumbling about it so i dont know exactly what they are doing but i think its like 'beautifying' the post. hehe. trash duty would suck.

Ok well I guess this is long enuff! I hope everyone is good, and if I dont manage to stumble my way back here before thanksgiving, I wish everyone a fantastic one. TURKEY! Yea!!

Well its time for mah weeklyish sorta update. I went to the store on Halloween and got some candy and made my kids dress up and trick or treat me whenever they wanted some candy, so they got some at least, and they had fun while doing it.

My husbands in a cast now, it is super sharp on the outside. My ankle found that out the hard way lol. Like a cheese grater it is... but its black and not like hot pink so hes happy bout that. Hes been hobbling around, NOT USING HIS CRUTCHES (yes i do yell at him for that), but he says hes fine.

The weather is really hurting my knees and ankles. It hurt getting out of bed, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do eh? Its not really that terrible, just somethin to deal with.

Not too much else going on. Just waiting for the expansion for WoW to come out. We are waiting a little bit to get Fable2, but plan on getting it. We pre-ordered 2 copies of the expansion so just gotta go to the store and pick it up.

I guess we got a gamestop on post now. Woot!

PEANUT BETTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALL BAT!

If anyone has a baseball bat they are free to take swings at me. Please direct the swing at my head.

K. Bad news. A week ago my husband had a night jump. Busted his leg. It bites hard cause now i gotta be around him all day long and he gets grouchy cause he starts to hurt. Plus not only do I get to wait on him hand and foot now all day long, I have to put up with his attitude about him feeling worthless now. Oh and he lost his mil ID cause i had to wash his shorts and its my fault that I dont know what he did with it.

More bad news... my kids cant go trick or treating now cause I cant walk with both of them. My youngest will run on any given chance and I was kind of counting on my hubby to help control one of them. Oi. They will still dress up and Ill get them candy when it goes on sale. They just will have to wait an extra day.

Im not dressing up. I used to dress up for it but ever since my best friend died in highschool I cant pull myself to do it anymore. Her and I had halloween traditions that are impossible to do without her. Plus I dont have the game we used to play :(. Heh. I dont even remember what its called but it was the cheeziest game ever but we would have so much fun playing! There was a tape you would put in the VCR (yea.. vcr lol), and then you would choose your character and there was a board, dice, and I think some cards too. I remember Helen.. the poltergeist or something like that. Meh. It was cheezy like i said... very. But it was super fun with her.

Oh I guess my dad got hurt too.. he pulled a back, side, groin, and thigh muscle all at the same time... twisting wrong or something. So he has to use a cane to walk now, and he thinks he did some nerve damage cause his leg feels numbish. I hope he gets better soon.

So I guess this is it for now. RIP Rae Lynn Bruehl, I miss you.

Yep. Rough few days. Lol. Our wash machine broke so we had to get a rental for the moment :p ick. And Since we got it ive been doing laundry pretty much non-stop. Had a rough day also a few days ago... sore back, got headbutted in the mouth by my kid (was an accident but it still hurt), then dropped a glass on my big toe and it broke and the glass cut my toe nail. Still hurts today. Oh and i was bending over a childs gate, into the kitchen, and i lost my balance cause i reached too far and fell onto my thumb... and it bent... and almost all my weight went onto it. Yea. It is still sore when i bend it but if i dont then its alright.

other then all that ive been pretty good. Trying to figure out halloween still. im not dressing up but my kids are gonna be princesses. They are cute when done up like one lol.

Uh...oh. Guess we are just waiting for Fable 2 now... so yea. Kinda bites cause our projector bulb blew. Dont have 400 for a new one right now. God I cant wait till we get our tax return. Gonna get 2 english bulldogs, the projector bulb, and maybe a different bigger tv then our back-up tv. Well see eh?