$54 shipped on ebay. Just for you Gabu :P

Parts 1 and 2 of Retro Roundup can be found here and here.

A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia

Systems: Nintendo Entertainment System

Summary: You, a boy, and his companion, a blob named Blobert, must traverse both urban and natural landscapes in an attempt to reach Blobolonia and defeat the evil emperor o' Blobolonia

Fun factor: Nobody's going to deny that A Boy and His Blob is an incredibly unique game. While traveling through one of the games levels, the player can feed Blobert one of 14 differently flavored jelly beans, each one causing Blobert to transform into a different shape or handy object. This aspect of the game, as well as the puzzles that are based on the transforming of Blobert, are definitely the highlight of the game, and are always fun and rewarding. However, the game suffers from lack of directions on what should perhaps be done at any given point. For example, imagine this scenario. You walk down an empty street, while the screen shifts and changes backdrops about five different times (you know what I mean, the camera doesn't scroll, so it's like there are separate "rooms" within an environment) You get to the end only to find a dead end. You walk all the way back to the beginning, and it's obvious that there's nothing you could possibly do to advance further in the game. You swear angrily, chuck your NES out the window, and then go out into town and heartlessly kick the elderly because, obviously, you're game is broken. After a quick romp of terrorizing unsuspecting citizens, you go online and look up a FAQ. Oh, in the second "room" you had to turn Blobert into a hole, drop down through him, and land in a cavern below the city. Well excuuuuuuse me, I guess that should have been fairly obvious. Portions of the game such as this (and there are only a few) really hamper the game as a whole, because it makes it near impossible to beat this game sans outside aid. 3/5 mullets

Length: I've never beaten this game, but according to some playthrough guides and FAQs I've read, it should clock in at about an hour, making it longer than GabuEx's hair (for a NES game)

Visuals: The boy and Blobert are animated nicely, but the environments are pretty boring and repeat often. I don't know how this works out, but I give this game both bleed mah eyez and charming.

Yay or Nay: Considering this game is under $5, I'd say yay. When it's not frustrating your pants off, this is a great game. Also, the cover art (if you can find the box or instructions) is amazing. Like, under $5 amazing. Yay

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I'm a bit pressed for time (the return trip to Taylor Town is near :D ) so I'll just leave you with this game for today. I hope you enjoyed it.

zelda450 awaaay!

In my last blog, I mentioned that I might post an instruction booklet that I found to be particularly hilarious, the one for Bignose the Caveman for the Nintendo Entertainment System. The beauty of this particular booklet is that it doesn't suffer from bad translation or poor localization. It's just the fact that you're reading a 20 page booklet about a NES game about cavemen. Please note that I don't take any credit for the following blurbs o' text (fortunately), and anything that is not found in the instructions but is rather added by myself will be in parenthesis. I would use italics, but my laptop's being a Mean Mr. Mustard :evil:

(Our first stop brings us to the "IMPORTANT PRECAUTIONS" section, where the following warnings are given: )

DO NOT clean the game with benzene, paint thinner, or other such solvents (shoot, I just bought that one gallon jug o' paint thinner for all my NES games!)

DO NOT attmept to take it apart or hit or drop it

(Having gotten that out of the way, we now turn to page one, handily entitled: )

BIGNOSE: THE STORY SO FAR...

On their tiny prehistoric island, a whole village is starving and Thanksgiving is only a few days away! All the big game animals have left - they don't want to be hunted anymore, and the cave clans are getting tired of eating lettuce. Bignose had heard a legend about a long forgotten peanut butter mine on the island, and he went off in search of it one warm sunny morning. He hadn't got far when an enormous pterodactyl flew high overhead... "WOW! If I could catch that there big birdy then all the people in the village would have enough food for a great Thanksgiving! Forget the peanut butter mine - we're gonna have a roast birdy!" And so Bignose set out on a hunting adventure which will take him over four islands, through perilous caves and even up into the sky!

(Hmm... well. There's not really anything else I can say. Nope. Not after you just read that paragraph. Nothing I say could possibly add to that. You just sit there and read over that again, pondering and brooding what on earth it could possibly mean to you and your sanity.)

(Moving gracefully from page 2 to page 3, we encounter the how to play section: )

HOW TO PLAY BIGNOSE THE CAVEMAN

Bignose starts the game with just three lives and his neanderthal club. Bignose should be very careful not to touch any of the small animal that populate the island - they can all kill him instantly. (yes, this really was in italics. You know, for the added DREAD AND HORROR brought upon by the thoughts and imagery of small island critters bludgeoning and one hit killing a caveman)

(A few pages later, we are greeted by a screenshot of a surly shop owner trying to sell off his inventory to our hero, Bignose. Spells that you can buy are: )

JUMP SPELL

LIGHT SPELL

QUAKE SPELL

SLOW SPELL

HARD FEET (!)

(The manual also offers this advice below the picture)

Try a FAST CLUB to improve your clubbing action. (Well, I didn't ask how to improve my clubbing action, but it looks like I got an answer anyhow)

(Also, the shops in those caveman days were pretty hard to find apparently)

THE HIDDEN SHOPS

Bignose will have to look hard to find the shops - remember, billboards weren't invented back then! (There you have it folks. Scientific proof that cavemen did not take full advantage of the wonderful advertising capabilities of the billboard)

(On pages 9-10, the instruction booklet writer decided that we needed a brief intermission, and a two page fold out of an unexplained T-Rex is available for you to ogle)

(Apparently Bignose can fly too, and page 12 offers this handy flying tip: )

FLYING

If you stop to hit a stone he'll lose height quickly, so be careful. Eventually you'll meet our flying friend here and face the ultimate flying challenge.

(A picture of that dastardly pterodactyl is included. This is presumably the same pterodactyl that attacked Bignose in "Bignose Freaks Out," the much needed and totally necessary sequal to this game. It turns out this dirty son of a gun bone stealing caveman hijacker has a name: Orville. Yep, that's right, Orville the flying bastard pterodactyl. Keep in mind that only you can bring about an end to his reign of terror by taking to the sky and taking on the ultimate flying challenge head on, all the while providing a Thanksgiving meal for you fellow caveman clan.)

(Page 15 is a very nice and welcome change of pace from the rest of the Bignose manual, because you are treated to a 14-word word search. Some very concise instructions are given: )

BIGNOSE WORD SEARCH.

Lots of words from Bignose's adventure have been hidden in this jumble of letters see how many you (and it ends here. Not only is it a run on sentence, but it's not even a sentence due to lack of the second half of said sentence!)

(And on the final page of this masterpiece, we are then treated to fine photographic representations of the buff blokes behind the Bignose Universe)

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Well, there you have it, the highlights of the Bignose the Caveman instruction booklet. I hope you found that at least somewhat enjoyable. Depending on what other crazy retro games I can find, I may do several more installments in this series in the future. I know the Earth Defense Force 2017 instructions are amazing as well. Also, Bignose is actually a great game, don't let the crazily written instructions deter you from playing this "gem" of a NES game. Let me know what you thought, and I'd be happy to hear from you if you know any zany videogame pieces o' literature that you'd like to share :)

-zelda450

I found it. The greatest place on earth. Taylor Town. It's a giant indoor flea market, filled to the brim with retro gaming goodness. albedos_shadow and I went there last saturday, and wow... it's the greatest place ever. There were three seperate booths devoted solely to video games, each one more awesome than the next. The best place there was definitely a little 10'x10' cuboidal booth that was pretty much just four walls of nothing but games. The best part was that the people who ran these booths seemed to think that their retro games were pretty much useless, so they were selling them off for pretty dang cheap. I picked up the following in a 3 for $10 deal: EDIT: sorry the pics are a little funky looking. I've screwed around with the format for half an hour and decided just to give up

I then payed $5 apiece for these games:

(Just for you, Woody)

And finally, the piece de resistance

I paid $10 for this one, but it's actually a great game so far.

Having bought all these new games, I needed a place to store not only these, but all my retro games. Enter the drawer o' retro games:

Not too terribly impressive yet, but it's growing insanely quick. As soon as I get payed for my ebay items, I'll make a return trip to Taylor Town, and one can only guess the zany hijinks that will ensue. But you can bet it'll involve buying more retro games.

I also decided to just push Retro Roundup #3 back to this friday, I don't really have any time to do it during the week

Triple-X pirate edit: The mail just came. I got a 29 on the ACT and Zombies Ate My Neighbors for SNES. Twill be a good day :D

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think about the new pickups

-zelda450

"Oh hai dont mind me i jus eatin ur dressor"

I just typed up my entire Retro Roundup #3, only to accidently hit the back button and lose it all. There's no way I'm spending another hour and a half typing it, so I'll probably get on rewriting it sometime throughout next week. Sorry for disappointing my fans (all two of you) Also, my 360 broke and I'm sending it in for repair, so I won't be on Live for awhile. Anyways, just keep on the lookout for RR#3, as I hope to get it up as soon as possible.

-zelda450

Well, it looks like I actually kept a promise here on GS and wrote my blog on time. That's definitely a first. Before I get into the main feature, I'll update you with some gaming news o' mine. I've been busy buying games this last week. Gamecrazy had a 4 for $10 and you can bet your sweet bottom I took full advantage of it. Here's what I got:

Mark of Kri (PS2)

Onimusha 2 (PS2)

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4 (PS2)

Espn NFL 2K5 (Xbox)

Splinter Cell (Xbox)

Splinter Cell Pandora Tomorrow (Xbox)

Splinter Cell Chaos Theory (Xbox)

Timesplitters 2 (Xbox)

So I got all those for $20. My town also had a police auction the other day, and I picked up these two for $10 apiece:

The Godfather (360)

Fight Night Round 3 (360

And finally, while at Costco the other day, I saw Rainbow Six Vegas 2 for $52 so I picked that up as well.

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Bignose Freaks Out

Systems: NES

Summary: You play the role of Bignoes, bone-hoarding caveman extraordinaire. While on the way to the Bone Bank, an evil pterodactyl spots you and uses a rock to snipe you out from the rooftop of a building across the street from the Bone Bank. The pterodactyl then proceeds to gank your bag o" bones. Bignose then *ahem* FREAKS OUT and must embark on a journey to retreive his stolen bone collection, using only his club and his trusty unicyle-skateboard plank.

Fun Factor Considering Bignose is an unliscensed game (Not endorsed by Nintendo) it's actually a pretty solid game. The levels are quite large, and feature their fair share of standard platforming goodness. There are also looping and zigzagging vines that Bignose can ride wiith his uniplank. Attacks come in the form of a standard club attack, and a ranged rock throwing attack. Overall this game is decent fun, but is also very difficult in the later levels. 4/5 mullets

Length: I've never actually finished Bignose, but like most NES games there is no save feature. I imagine you could finish the game in about an hour or so if you just sat down and played it, but it's not exactly a cakewalk. I guess I'll have to give this one Longer than GabuEx's hair

Visuals Well, it's a NES game. It does seem to use a good variety of colors however, Bignose himself looks amazing(ly hilarious) and the game features the best opening cutscene of all time. I'll go with Charming

Yay or Nay: Bignose should only cost around $10. Considering it's one of the rarer NES games out there and that it's a good amount of fun, I'd say Yay.

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NBA Jam Tournament Edition

Systems: SNES and Genesis (there are many other ports, but these are the main two and probably your best bets)

Summary: Perform zany basketball antics, thunderdunking with the likes of Hil and Bill Clinton, Jazzy Jeff, Air Dog, The Fresh Prince, and the Beastie Boys.

Fun Factor: If there was one game that I've had more fun playing than any other, it'd be this game. The action packed, high flying, slamma jamma-ing action game of basketball this game provides is unreal. It even features a save feature so you can carry on a season. All regular NBA teams are accounted for, as are the best players from each team. This also gives you a great chance to play as your favorite basketball heroes of the past, including Tim Robinson, Alonzo Mourning, Karl Malone, and everybody's favorite, the 5'3" Mugsy Bogues.

Absolutely 5/5 mullets, it deserves even more.

Length: Each game takes roughly 5 minutes to play. Season mode adds some length, as you must defeat all (at the time) 27 NBA teams. Even considering that this game gets pick up and play, though if you can get a couple buddies to play with you, believe me you'll be sitting there for hours.

Visuals: The SNES handles the "3D" movements quite well. The sprites are colorful and amazingly animated. There are tons of dunks to do, and Hilary Clinton is represented Hilariously (MULLET!!!) Still hold up well.

Yay or Nay: At around $10, this could be the best game available to spend your money on. It never gets old. This game is a must have, and it's also available on the PS (although I don't reccommend that version, it'll still get the job done) YAY

Alright, that's it for this week. Let me know what you thought and be sure to check back next week for part 3

-zelda450

Beats me how this started, but I've been tagged by my good buddy linkrul3s. As you may or may not know, the internets is SERIOUS BUSINESS people, SERIOUS BUSINESS and therefore I cannot break the tag. Without boring you any further, 5 things you probably don't know about me.

1. I can play the trombone (quit giggling, I'll kill you I swear) I haven't played in a few years... but still

2. I play Magic the Gathering (I used to play alot a few years ago, buy I still play a little now)

3. My life is so tragically boring, I'm having trouble completing this list. Seriously, I gotta get out more.

4. I haven't seen a movie in theatres (except the Simpsons movie) in years

5. I wear size 13.5 shoes.

6. A couple of more things, since everything else was so short: I can ride a unicycle, I can bellydance (mebbe I'll post a video of teh hotness in action... :lol: EDIT: a clarification, I can just roll my stomach, I don't do the whole dance routine. That was hopefully obvious buy I wanted to clarify to save my dignity) I race nitro R/C cars, I have a fear of cheese and butter (unless the cheese is melted), I played the role of pine tree in my junior high play, in 8th grade I tought myself to read elvish (you know LotR stuff), my parents force me to shovel coals in our basement, leaving me nothing to eat except m--alright, I think I've shared enough about myself today.

The internets told me I must tag 5 other people, having been tagged myself. (SERIOUS BUSINESS, remember)

albedos_shadow

Wootex

Nicksho

GabuEx

Homes225

It seems like most other people have already done this, so those are just five guys I found that haven't done it yet.

Retro Roundup #2 is still scheduled for this friday, so keep a lookout for that. The featured games will be Bignose Freaks Out (NES) and NBA Jam Tournament Edition (SNES and Genesis).

Also I got Rainbow Six Vegas 2 yesterday, so if anybody wants to play with me on live, send me an invite (don't worry Stan, we're just making fun of how terrible it is ;) )

-zelda450

Hi everybody!

Hi Dr. Nick!

Welcome to a new series of blogs I'll be doing, Retro Roundup. Each week, I'll go through some retro games from N64 backward, giving short little reviews and impressions on each one. I know a lot of people are getting into retro games again (or some who've never moved on wootex) so I figured it might be an interesting blog series to run through a few old games and tell you if they're worth buying or not. With any luck, this will be a weekly series, coming to you (lucky you) each Friday, since I have Fridays off of school from now on. This will depend largely on the feedback I get, though, so let me know if you likey :D

So here's how each review will go:

Name of game

Quick summary

Fun factor

Fun factor will be rated on a scale of 1 to 5 mullets, 1 mullet means the game is as terrible as this guy's mullet:

While five mullets means the game is as rad as this guy:

Length of Game

This will be given a rating of either "Longer that GabuEx's hair" or "Pick up and play"

Visuals

Will be rated as "Charming," "still hold up decently," and "bleed mah eyez!"

Yay or Nay?

Should you buy this game? Takes price into consideration.

Each week will also have a different guest, adding color commentary when needed.

Ok, lets shut up and rock. It is now my honor to present to you, Retro Roundup Number 1 Starring Karl Malone

Rayman 2: The Great Escape

Platforms: PC, N64, PS, DC, DS and PS2 remake

Summary: Robot pirates from outerspace invade your world. You must collect 1000 Lums (basically little fairy thingys) in order to reunite four magical masks, which in turn will awaken Polokus, the worlds spirit.

Fun Factor: Rayman 2 takes conventional platformer controls and greatly simplifies them, leaving pure platforming goodness concentrate. The controls may be simple, but Rayman shows that you can still have great, deep platforming without a million different types of jumps. You have your standard jump/double jump, grab on to vines, jump up between two rock walls, and a not so standard ear-copter glide thingy. The levels are great and ooze with well thought out platforming. There are also enemies that must be defeated, which is accomplished by locking on to your target and mashing on the fire button. This is definitely the weakest point of the game, but thankfully doesn't play a very large role at all. The game is also very varied in it's mission structure. One mission may have you doing standard run and jump platforming, but in the next you'll be jet skiiing through a swamp, hanging on to the bowtie of a Loch Ness type monster. I should note that the DS version plays significantly worse, and is definitely the version to avoid. 5/5 mullets

Length: Rayman 2 should take you anywhere from 15 to 20 hours to complete, which seems just about right for a platformer. "Longer than GabuEx's hair"

Visuals: Depending on what platform you're playing on, the graphics in this game can be amazing. The DC, PC, PS2, and N64 versions all use amazing colors and art direction to leave us with one outstanding looking platformer. The PS version is a tad more blocky and jaggy, but still looks decent. The DS version is definitely the worst. Jaggy visuals, low res environments, and muddy, faded colors make this the version to stay away from. "Still hold up well today" and "Charming"

Yay or Nay: Definitely Yay, as long as you don't buy the DS version. You should be able to get this for around $10 on any platform, so it's most definitely worth picking up. "Yay"

Karl Malone verdict: This game is like myself, Karl "The Mailman" Malone, it always delivers.

That's it for this week. If you guys enjoyed this and would like to see future installments, leave a comment or PM me. If it's successful, I'll post again next week, but I'll feature more than one game at a time next time.

Thanks for reading

-zelda450

While at a GameStop today, I saw this bad jackson sitting on a rack with some other strategy guides:

No. No. NOnononono. You don't make strategy guides for Blitz games. I'd have to say that Blitz is number one on the list of games that definitely doesn't need a strategy guide. But here's the crazy thing: it seems the people at the GameStop didn't want me to get this guide:

Eh what the heck it was only 73 cents.

A package is on it's way in the mail...

a very special package

What is it you ask? I'll leave you with these hints. It's the rarest SNES RPG, heralded by many to be the greatest game of all time, and it seems everybody on gamespot's playing it nowadays. Know what it is? I sure hope so, cause you sure do suck if you don't :P

Oh yeah and I only payed $30 for it in mint condition. *falcon punches the air in triumph*

-zelda450