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1551

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Member since 2004 • 1551 Posts

I already made it final, I'm not gonna leave her and cut her off from my life. I want to be with her still and I'll make sure that her child will not be my responsibility. Heck she's telling me she wants to do this alone anyway. But I still want to see her and work things out and be there for her. I'm keeping my options open, but she's still my priority and in my mind.MaddenBowler10

That's pretty noble of you. I think it's great that you want to be there for her, but I think it's in both your and her best interest if you leave it as just a friendship, starting immediately. Think about it. If you spend the next six months as her boyfriend, your feelings for each other are only going to get stronger and things are only going to get more complicated (if she doesn't decide to push you away first, which it sounds like she very well might). Then what happens when she delivers? How will your feelings for her then affect your decision? Are you really 100% positive you can keep dating her now and just walk away when the baby comes? And believe me, the last thing she needs right now is a relationship. Her life is about to get a thousand times more difficult. Everything she knows and all of her plans for the future about to change. Hell, I would say that about any 18-year-old, but being pregnant at that age? I'm sorry to say it, but you are absolutely the last thing on her mind right now. Don't try to carry on a relationship with her, she has no room for that responsibility right now. I'd also like to make a point about something you said in your original post; you said that you loved her. Again, I'm sorry to say this, but no you don't. You've only been together for 3 months. You can't really love somebody after only 3 months. I'm not saying that your feelings for her aren't real, but what you're feeling right now is just the excitement of being with somebody new, compounded by enormous compassion for a girl who is facing a tremendously difficult situation. See what I mean about complicated? For the record, I'm 24. I'm definitely not the oldest cat in the neighborhood, but I've been around a lot of places and made acquaintances with a lot of people from all walks of life. I've seen this kind of thing happen many times before, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that the story ends the same way every time. Keep being the good guy that you are, keep being there for her as a friend, but don't let the situation build any more weight than it already has.

15 years ago

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#52 MaddenBowler10

Member since 2005 • 8999 Posts

[QUOTE="MaddenBowler10"]
[QUOTE="trust_nobody"]

This. It's pretty dismissive to say "leave her, it's not your problem, it's her baggage, etc." Now I agree that you're awfully young, and you're in school, you've got a long life ahead of you and good things going for you. However, I wouldn't see this as a valid reason to say "**** her, she's not worth it, too bad so sad." If you are really sure that you love this woman and you can afford to, there's nothing wrong with you being there for her. This is something she would never forget especially ata turning point in life like this one. It would definitely bring her closer to you.
trust_nobody

Yeah, she's saying she needs to do this alone but she needs to stay truthful for me if she wants me not to leave her and stuff. I love her, but if she was cheating on me , i wouldn't know what to think and would make me go crazy

I'm sorry, I was under the impression that you two weren't together because of the word "friend" in quotes in the title. If she cheated on you then that's a whole different story.

yah well ur right, we weren't together , but we had been pretty darn close and she told me there's no other guys..so essentially she would be cheating on me and not being truthful, but technically.

15 years ago

1995

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Member since 2008 • 1995 Posts

TC i want my god dam Ginger man back please for telling me false information to make you feel better.

15 years ago

3356

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#54 trust_nobody

Member since 2003 • 3356 Posts

[QUOTE="MaddenBowler10"]I already made it final, I'm not gonna leave her and cut her off from my life. I want to be with her still and I'll make sure that her child will not be my responsibility. Heck she's telling me she wants to do this alone anyway. But I still want to see her and work things out and be there for her. I'm keeping my options open, but she's still my priority and in my mind.JN_Fenrir

That's pretty noble of you. I think it's great that you want to be there for her, but I think it's in both your and her best interest if you leave it as just a friendship, starting immediately. Think about it. If you spend the next six months as her boyfriend, your feelings for each other are only going to get stronger and things are only going to get more complicated (if she doesn't decide to push you away first, which it sounds like she very well might). Then what happens when she delivers? How will your feelings for her then affect your decision? Are you really 100% positive you can keep dating her now and just walk away when the baby comes? And believe me, the last thing she needs right now is a relationship. Her life is about to get a thousand times more difficult. Everything she knows and all of her plans for the future about to change. Hell, I would say that about any 18-year-old, but being pregnant at that age? I'm sorry to say it, but you are absolutely the last thing on her mind right now. Don't try to carry on a relationship with her, she has no room for that responsibility right now. I'd also like to make a point about something you said in your original post; you said that you loved her. Again, I'm sorry to say this, but no you don't. You've only been together for 3 months. You can't really love somebody after only 3 months. I'm not saying that your feelings for her aren't real, but what you're feeling right now is just the excitement of being with somebody new, compounded by enormous compassion for a girl who is facing a tremendously difficult situation. See what I mean about complicated? For the record, I'm 24. I'm definitely not the oldest cat in the neighborhood, but I've been around a lot of places and made acquaintances with a lot of people from all walks of life. I've seen this kind of thing happen many times before, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that the story ends the same way every time. Keep being the good guy that you are, keep being there for her as a friend, but don't let the situation build any more weight than it already has.

This describes my feelings on the situation more accurately. I missed the part about you two being in an actual relationship, that was my fault.

15 years ago

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#55 Travo_basic

Member since 2003 • 38751 Posts

She needs to go to the doctor ASAP and get checked out. Then you can start thinking about your options.

15 years ago

3356

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#56 trust_nobody

Member since 2003 • 3356 Posts

[QUOTE="trust_nobody"]
[QUOTE="MaddenBowler10"] Yeah, she's saying she needs to do this alone but she needs to stay truthful for me if she wants me not to leave her and stuff. I love her, but if she was cheating on me , i wouldn't know what to think and would make me go crazy
MaddenBowler10

I'm sorry, I was under the impression that you two weren't together because of the word "friend" in quotes in the title. If she cheated on you then that's a whole different story.

yah well ur right, we weren't together , but we had been pretty darn close and she told me there's no other guys..so essentially she would be cheating on me and not being truthful, but technically.

Argh! I'm confused. In the OP you said you had been with her the whole time.

Okay, here- if you're not together, then I don't see anything wrong with being there for her and remaining her friend until you finish school and you are absolutely sure she will be true to you.

If you are together, and she got knocked up by her ex, it's time to break it off. Tell her you'll help her out if she really needs it and you can, that's a noble thing to do, but make it clear to her that your life isn't going to stop for hers.

15 years ago

8998

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#57 EMOEVOLUTION

Member since 2008 • 8998 Posts

GET OUT AS QUICK AS YOU can!
needled24-7

I agree with this.. for a number of reasons I wont get into. Also, you should never get intimate before 6 months... only people who want reletionships to fall apart do that.

Also, the way you put quotes around friend in your topic made the topic title a bit deceiving.

15 years ago

27620

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Member since 2008 • 27620 Posts

Why doesn't she go to the doctors and have an abortion if necessary? That is, if she wants to. She may not agree with your thoughts on this.giant_bowser

There's no reason to kill the baby. Adoption would be a much better option.

15 years ago

2273

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Member since 2007 • 2273 Posts

Abroad

The relationship.

15 years ago

7325

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#60 htekemerald

Member since 2004 • 7325 Posts

[QUOTE="giant_bowser"]Why doesn't she go to the doctors and have an abortion if necessary? That is, if she wants to. She may not agree with your thoughts on this.harashawn

There's no reason to kill the baby. Adoption would be a much better option.

Can we not turn this in to a ZOMG abortion is evil debate. If you want to talk about that feel free to make the nth thread on that topic.

15 years ago

8999

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#61 MaddenBowler10

Member since 2005 • 8999 Posts

[QUOTE="MaddenBowler10"]I already made it final, I'm not gonna leave her and cut her off from my life. I want to be with her still and I'll make sure that her child will not be my responsibility. Heck she's telling me she wants to do this alone anyway. But I still want to see her and work things out and be there for her. I'm keeping my options open, but she's still my priority and in my mind.JN_Fenrir

That's pretty noble of you. I think it's great that you want to be there for her, but I think it's in both your and her best interest if you leave it as just a friendship, starting immediately. Think about it. If you spend the next six months as her boyfriend, your feelings for each other are only going to get stronger and things are only going to get more complicated (if she doesn't decide to push you away first, which it sounds like she very well might). Then what happens when she delivers? How will your feelings for her then affect your decision? Are you really 100% positive you can keep dating her now and just walk away when the baby comes? And believe me, the last thing she needs right now is a relationship. Her life is about to get a thousand times more difficult. Everything she knows and all of her plans for the future about to change. Hell, I would say that about any 18-year-old, but being pregnant at that age? I'm sorry to say it, but you are absolutely the last thing on her mind right now. Don't try to carry on a relationship with her, she has no room for that responsibility right now. I'd also like to make a point about something you said in your original post; you said that you loved her. Again, I'm sorry to say this, but no you don't. You've only been together for 3 months. You can't really love somebody after only 3 months. I'm not saying that your feelings for her aren't real, but what you're feeling right now is just the excitement of being with somebody new, compounded by enormous compassion for a girl who is facing a tremendously difficult situation. See what I mean about complicated? For the record, I'm 24. I'm definitely not the oldest cat in the neighborhood, but I've been around a lot of places and made acquaintances with a lot of people from all walks of life. I've seen this kind of thing happen many times before, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that the story ends the same way every time. Keep being the good guy that you are, keep being there for her as a friend, but don't let the situation build any more weight than it already has.

I understand man, I'm not mature and have learning to do, I'm just doing what I feel is right for us. I know she doesn't need a relationship or anything if she's pregnant, and i wont force that onto her if it's the case. And in other news, she just told me on facebook "im just not worried about it yet" so she might feel confident she isn't pregnant or is just pulling my strings lately. I still think she is though and stuff. She's telling me she doesn't need anyone right now, so I won't push that on her while she feels that way.

15 years ago

27620

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Member since 2008 • 27620 Posts

[QUOTE="harashawn"][QUOTE="giant_bowser"]Why doesn't she go to the doctors and have an abortion if necessary? That is, if she wants to. She may not agree with your thoughts on this.htekemerald

There's no reason to kill the baby. Adoption would be a much better option.

Can we not turn this in to a ZOMG abortion is evil debate. If you want to talk about that feel free to make the nth thread on that topic.

So people that are pro-abortion are allowed to share their opinion, but I'm not? Hurray for ridiculous double-standards! :roll:

15 years ago

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#63 supa_badman

Member since 2008 • 16714 Posts

Hit it then quit it.

Considering you didn't do the first step, it might be better just follow the next.:P

[spoiler] Seriously, if you really do love her, you'd stick by her and look out for her and make sure you make this experience as less painful as you can for her, not thinking how this can stint your chances. Love isn't selfish or greedy, it's patient and caring. [/spoiler]

15 years ago

8999

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#64 MaddenBowler10

Member since 2005 • 8999 Posts

she told me she will not abort

15 years ago

4646

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Member since 2008 • 4646 Posts

Assuming she doesn't want to have an abortion or give the child up for adoption, it would be in your best interest to break off the relationship. If you still want to be there for her as a friend and help her out, thats fine, but don't get dragged into being a full time father. To be blunt, you are to young to be a father. A similar situation happened to a friend of mine, and it didn't work out to well. He got a girl pregnant back in high school, and had to drop out to support the child. 2 years later he doesn't have a high school diploma, he works at Mc Donald's and living pay check to pay check in a rat infested apartment. At this stage in your life you don't have the means or the knowledge to raise a child or support one, and it would ruin your life to try. This may seem cruel, but sometimes you have to look out for yourself first. Besides, it's not your child, and you've only been dating for what, 3 months? Again, I know it sounds cruel, but it's true.

15 years ago

7325

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#66 htekemerald

Member since 2004 • 7325 Posts

[QUOTE="htekemerald"]
[QUOTE="harashawn"] There's no reason to kill the baby. Adoption would be a much better option. harashawn

Can we not turn this in to a ZOMG abortion is evil debate. If you want to talk about that feel free to make the nth thread on that topic.

So people that are pro-abortion are allowed to share their opinion, but I'm not? Hurray for ridiculous double-standards! :roll:

No you can share you opinion just do it without expressing your opinion on how abortion is evil.

Gasp what double standards :roll:

15 years ago

19992

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Member since 2008 • 19992 Posts

I say, you break up with her. You'll meet other people you connect with. You've barely been with her very long anyways.

15 years ago

17126

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Member since 2009 • 17126 Posts

If you really cared for your Girlfriend you won't force her to abort her child. She consentingly conceived it, killing the baby will only make things worse in my opinion.

She definitely needs to get to a Doctor to see if she actually IS pregnant. IF she is than take the necessary steps to having a healthy child. Once she has the kid you can either send him to an adoption center (Not Likely), or raise him.

15 years ago

17126

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Member since 2009 • 17126 Posts

she told me she will not abortMaddenBowler10

Hmm...Then you need to figure out of you want to be this kids Father, or Parental figure. How old is she? And How old are you?

15 years ago

27620

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Member since 2008 • 27620 Posts

[QUOTE="harashawn"]
[QUOTE="htekemerald"] Can we not turn this in to a ZOMG abortion is evil debate. If you want to talk about that feel free to make the nth thread on that topic.
htekemerald

So people that are pro-abortion are allowed to share their opinion, but I'm not? Hurray for ridiculous double-standards! :roll:

No you can share you opinion just do it without expressing your opinion on how abortion is evil.

Gasp what double standards :roll:

... Saying there is no reason to kill the baby and that adoption would be a much better option... You know what; I'm not even going to argue about this. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and just assume you simply misunderstood my post.

15 years ago

8999

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#72 MaddenBowler10

Member since 2005 • 8999 Posts

[QUOTE="MaddenBowler10"]she told me she will not abortSnipes_2

Hmm...Then you need to figure out of you want to be this kids Father, or Parental figure. How old is she? And How old are you?

im 19 and she is 18, and i would not be his father unless we were in a relationship and it was going well for a long time

15 years ago

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#73 GettingTired

Member since 2006 • 5994 Posts

[QUOTE="MaddenBowler10"]
and it wouldn't be from me because we never had sex. I'm freaking out because she told me she took 3 positive tests last night, and said it would be from her last bf, whom she dated 2 months ago, and heck they could have had sex well before that n she acknowledges that it could have been up to 3 months since they did have sex. (...) She's had her normal periods since then until this weekend when she told me the first day she bled, and yesterday she didn't and has had cramps and she took the tests and they were positive.
shinian

Wait. Am I understandig it right? She had a sexual intercourse 3 months ago. To this time she had normal periods, and yesterday she tested pregnant? This is impossible.

I agree. Either she's not pregnant, or shes lying.

15 years ago

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#74 fastesttruck

Member since 2005 • 25353 Posts

Wait you haven't hung out much in the past 4 weeks? That sounds like it could be a bit fishy right there...

15 years ago

8863

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Member since 2004 • 8863 Posts

Ditch her, ditch her, ditch her. There are other girls that aren't tramps.

15 years ago

1287

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#76 Snakewiseman

Member since 2009 • 1287 Posts

i didnt know I was pregnant can you believe thats a real show

15 years ago

13819

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Member since 2007 • 13819 Posts

I think it's all up to you. If you really love her and want to be with her, then continue to stay and support her. Being pregnant will only mean much more work for you, but it may pay off in the end if you really show that you love and support her.

15 years ago

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#78 Saturos3091

Member since 2005 • 14937 Posts

... Saying there is no reason to kill the baby and that adoption would be a much better option... You know what; I'm not even going to argue about this. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and just assume you simply misunderstood my post.
harashawn

What he's saying is that nobody can prove that it is "alive" yet, and saying that it's "killing the baby" would be essentially stating the reasons as to why you believe abortion is evil. At least that's what I gathered of it. Simple misunderstanding, nothing more. I would clear things up on your own first. Is she really pregnant? Is it from her old boyfriend? etc. All these questions need to be answered before we can give you serious advice...

15 years ago

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#79 MaddenBowler10

Member since 2005 • 8999 Posts

[QUOTE="harashawn"]
... Saying there is no reason to kill the baby and that adoption would be a much better option... You know what; I'm not even going to argue about this. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and just assume you simply misunderstood my post.
Saturos3091

What he's saying is that nobody can prove that it is "alive" yet, and saying that it's "killing the baby" would be essentially stating the reasons as to why you believe abortion is evil. At least that's what I gathered of it. Simple misunderstanding, nothing more. I would clear things up on your own first. Is she really pregnant? Is it from her old boyfriend? etc. All these questions need to be answered before we can give you serious advice...

I agree, and I also need to see her and spend time with her but only if she wants to

15 years ago

priestinacloset

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#80 priestinacloset

Member since 2005 • 1508 Posts

DUDE your boned! well actually shes boned but you get the picture pray it was tiger wood's baby!

15 years ago

17126

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Member since 2009 • 17126 Posts

[QUOTE="Snipes_2"]
[QUOTE="MaddenBowler10"]she told me she will not abortMaddenBowler10

Hmm...Then you need to figure out of you want to be this kids Father, or Parental figure. How old is she? And How old are you?

im 19 and she is 18, and i would not be his father unless we were in a relationship and it was going well for a long time

Oh, Well, If you really love her and want to stay with her, I think you'll need to be the kids "Father figure". Not technically his Father, just a positive influence.

15 years ago

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#83 chaplainDMK

Member since 2008 • 7004 Posts

I know this might sound rude, but you seem selfish to me.

If she is realy your "friend" then help her. Give her some support not whine about how this will change evreything betwen her and you and how she might not love you or something. Getting pregnant at 18 and still going to school isn't a very good idea. Her parents could go mental on her, you can have birth complications, she is gonna miss a whole lot of school, people will want to get away from her etc..

Just be there for her when she needs someone okay?

15 years ago

priestinacloset

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#84 priestinacloset

Member since 2005 • 1508 Posts

I know this might sound rude, but you seem selfish to me.
If she is realy your "friend" then help her. Give her some support not whine about how this will change evreything betwen her and you and how she might not love you or something. Getting pregnant at 18 and still going to school isn't a very good idea. Her parents could go mental on her, you can have birth complications, she is gonna miss a whole lot of school, people will want to get away from her etc..
Just be there for her when she needs someone okay?
chaplainDMK

this story is so made up

15 years ago

4886

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Member since 2007 • 4886 Posts

Hmm... after thinking about it for a while she could just be testing you to see if you're a good guy. That would be mean, but it could be a possibility.

15 years ago

13718

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Member since 2004 • 13718 Posts

3rd year on med. university, M.D course.
shinian

Yeah med school great... as a woman with friends who are women and are mothers I can tell you right now menstrual bleeding can and does happen EVEN while one is pregnant.

15 years ago

42748

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Member since 2002 • 42748 Posts

[QUOTE="Sajedene"][QUOTE="shinian"]

3rd year on med. university, M.D course.

Yeah med school great... as a woman with friends who are women and are mothers I can tell you right now menstrual bleeding can and does happen EVEN while one is pregnant.

This, a thousand times this. Lots of women have spotting during pregnancy. I mean, heavy bleeding during pregnancy is rarely a good sign (especially later on), but a little bit is pretty normal.

15 years ago

XD4NTESINF3RNOX

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#89 XD4NTESINF3RNOX

Member since 2008 • 7438 Posts

GET OUT while you can that's what I would do it's not even your kid

15 years ago

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#90 DigitalExile

Member since 2008 • 16046 Posts

End the relationship, but keep the friendship.

15 years ago

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#91 howlrunner13

Member since 2005 • 4408 Posts

First you say that you know she hasn't been with any guys since you met her, and then later in your post you say you haven't seen much of her in the last four weeks. What's so hard to believe that she had sex with someone during that time? Cause you both care for eachother SO much? No offense but you sound delusional.

15 years ago

8999

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#93 MaddenBowler10

Member since 2005 • 8999 Posts

[QUOTE="_en1gma_"]"He's a stoner and whatnot, so I don't think he's gonna do much for her if she is pregnant." Give me a break man... Anyways...she is pregnant. I would discuss an abortion with her...or putting it up for adoption. A baby would ruin both of your lives. Well, at least I wouldn't want a baby in my life. I'm 19 and in college as well...

it's not just that, but he hates her and her guts and doesn't want anything to do with her but making her miserable and stuff cuz she still can't get over him

15 years ago

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Member since 2006 • 3988 Posts

Its a bummer, but if this is the case, she needs to get a paternal test to see if her past bf is the father.

From this point, she can decide whether or not to keep it or get an abortion. If she decides to keep it, you may want to think about getting out of the relationship. I know it sounds cold, but I'm gonna guess you aren't ready to be a father figure. If she decides to get an abortion, and you still want to have her as a gf, then pursue that.

15 years ago

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#95 DigitalExile

Member since 2008 • 16046 Posts

it's not just that, but he hates her and her guts and doesn't want anything to do with her but making her miserable and stuff cuz she still can't get over himMaddenBowler10

So she can't get over her ex, whose baby she might be having (if it's not someone elses)?

=/

15 years ago

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#96 TheAbbeFaria

Member since 2009 • 294 Posts

Why doesn't she go to the doctors and have an abortion if necessary? That is, if she wants to. She may not agree with your thoughts on this.giant_bowser

Or be a man and raise the kid, but I may be alone on this one. I'd raise him though.

15 years ago

8999

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#98 MaddenBowler10

Member since 2005 • 8999 Posts

First you say that you know she hasn't been with any guys since you met her, and then later in your post you say you haven't seen much of her in the last four weeks. What's so hard to believe that she had sex with someone during that time? Cause you both care for eachother SO much? No offense but you sound delusional.
howlrunner13

you make it sound like she's a whore when she isn't. She has been suicidal, extremely depressed before all this and has been busy with school and other activities for the past month. I asked her to answer truthfully, honestly if the last person she had sex with was her ex bf, and she said yes it was him. And I believe it, not because she is worried about me and our relationship, but because she has been ignoring guys lately and has had issues. She liked me and it took long enough for me and her to get intimate to the point of making out and holding each other and stuff like that before she started wanting space. I highly doubt she would have just had sex with some guy in the past month. You could be right tho, i wouldn't know for a fact that she has been abstinent from sex since I met her, but with all the circumstances and even her relationship with me, it just wouldn't make sense that she did it with someone else. If she is pregnant, im almost certain it's from that last guy

15 years ago

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#99 sonic_spark

Member since 2003 • 6196 Posts

Take her to a doctor. The doctor will do an ultrasound to see if there really is a baby.

Modern pregnancy tests are pretty accurate, unless there is some reason for her hormones to be completely out of whack, she's likely pregnant.

My advice, if she is pregnant... I'll give you your options.

1.) Run like the wind.

2.) Be a friend and a support.

3.) Be romantically involved, but understand that it becomes your burden as well.

I would stick with option 2, because why should you take the burden of her kid and her mistake. In all honestly it's not your problem. But like a good friend you can offer support.

I would imagine, if it were me, that i would throw out any romantic exchange out the window.

15 years ago

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Member since 2007 • 1264 Posts

:shock: maybe you both should get married

15 years ago

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