I know I haven't been around much lately and it might seem that I quit gamespot all together, but I really haven't. I have been busy with the long hours at work, I just now started beta testing that game and come to find out I really suck at it, not the beta testing part just playing online. I need to get myself situated for school coming up, I just can't get myself ready. I have been playing a game though and it seems to help with my destructive attributes but all in all I just haven't been myself lately. I know I said I was changing the way I look and my attitude towards things and in some cases I did I just don't think it is enough.

I know I said or maybe told myself I wasn't going to put any dreams in my journal entries but this one was kind of cool. It started off that I was sky diving at night, and the city looked so cool. The moon's light gave off a beautiful glow on the ground and through the water. Then all of a sudden I am headed toward a huge storm cloud, I am worried at first until I am in the cloud. The thunder lights up the cloud for seconds at a time and I see huge satellite dishes all around, even this huge one that doesn't look like it needs to be there, I mean this thing is massive, about the size of a 40 story building and about as wide also. For some reason I get a call on my cell phone, it's Bellsouth and Earthlink trying to sell me DSL! What is even more weird is the fact that I am actually having a conversation with two companies at the same time all the while sky diving. After I leave the cloud and hang up the phone I look down at the city again, it really looks awesome. I start to head toward the ground and I see I have no parachute on my back and then a thought crosses my head, I have heard of people who have actually died from a dream of falling if they hit the ground in their dream. So I actually woke myself up, I don't mean that I woke up right then, I thought about waking up and I did. Wow that was weird, but cool at the same time.

Ever have a situation change the way you look at things in your life? Just take a look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you are happy. Not happy with the way you look, but with who you are. I recently saw myself as someone I don't want to be so I am changing many aspects of who I am including being nice to people that are mostly mean to me, my cloths will be changing. I feel dark and a little on the edge, almost as if nothing matters and everything is lost. I just need to set my priorities in life and maybe think more on where I am going and what I should be doing in the long run. I am just tired of being confused and lost. I must climb out of this hole that I have created over the years and head down the path that will take me where I want to go.

Alright I am not back online yet, but I soon will be. My life this last couple of weeks have been really irritating. One of my good friends that I work with had a massive stroke two weeks ago and even though he will get better with due time, I don't think he will be the same again. So now with him in the hospital we are a man short and the company still wants all of us to get everything done with the department being three men short. My brother and his family came to visit for a few weeks and all though it was nice to see them I am reminded that I have nothing to show for my life and that made me depressed. They leave today and are heading toward Colorado (their new home). I need to find a spot on this earth to be alone, just a place I can go to think and concentrate. Well see all of you in either a couple of days or maybe a week.

What an amazing couple of days. I found out that I lost DSL and only have a couple of hours with dial up. I will be getting DSL again soon, but it is going to take a week or so, so if no one sees me on here for a while then thats why. I forgot how bad dial up was.

Well no more story. I thought about it for a little bit and I am going to work on it through a longer version. As you can see I didn't mention the main characters name, his wife's name or any other characters; that is what I am been thinking about for the past week and now I have most of the information I need to continue the story.

Well it is finally confirmed, I will be beta testing a PS2 for online purposes. I should be getting it in the mail within the next 10 days, and hopefully I will continue to beta test in the future but who really knows. In other gaming news I started Shadow of Rome and I hope it gets better than what it is. The AI within the fighting is pretty good but when you sneak around as that young little turd the AI is pretty bad. I love the fighting and wish there was a lot more of it in the game, but I find more of the game is sneaking around as a different character than anything else. I have passed my 2 hour mark with the game and I really want to finish it but I may not.

I forgot to mention, but about a week ago we got company at the house and that is why I haven't been around much. I will be back in full force either next week or the week after.

I begin to weaken as they attack me from all sides. I can't handle all of them at once, there are literally hundreds clawing at me, ripping my skin open. My blood is draining from my body and then I fall to my knees. I lay in a puddle of my own blood high enough to drawn me. I can feel my last heart be....................

*Sky turns red, the clouds begin to break and a flash of light shoots down to the ground in gulping our soldier*

I open my eyes. The same energy that ran through my body before is now running threw me now. I feel stronger and with more power than ever before. The energy lifts me off the ground and I hear the voice, "prepare yourself". I am bombarded with a rush of power at one time and it is beginning to take its toll on my body. The pain is becoming unbearable, and I begin to yell.

When I am back on my feet I waste no time. There are still thousands left, and I am back better than ever. Slashing through the mid section of their guard, I move like never before. They were strong before but I now take the advantage, they are no match for me. With all the body parts and blood spewing from every slice, I feel no need to rest. I begin to see fear in their faces as they know I am about to end their lives. All this killing is starting to turn more into pleasure than my thirst to be free. When several body mounds begin to form, I hear a horn which is calling them back. I have won this battle, now it is time to finish this war.

I get ready, mentally and physically I am ready to fight. I clean the dry blood from my cloths and skin, and I have to keep the thought that my loved one is already dead. This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to face, nothing will prepare me and nothing will let me forget what I must do. Before I head out into battle I hear a strange noise coming from over the hill in front of my cave. I walk up to see a huge army gathered around trying to surround me. I guess they thought they would take care of me once and for all, but I will make them wrong. I stare deep into the masses to try to see if I can find her location, I can't seem to find her due to the massive amount of them. No matter, with or without her I will kill them all.

I head down the hill and a loud roar with my blades by my side. I dive over so that I may attack from the air. With my first wave I take several of them out with only a few turns of my wrist. I land in the middle of the thousands that want me dead. As I fight them I notice they are showing a lot more aggression and they are working more together than ever before; they aren't as easy to defeat like previous battles. As time passes by, I begin to become tired but they are fighting me with the full force that they had started with from the beginning. I don't know how much longer I can hold out.

I am running so hard after my encounter with the one I used to love. Before I can get to my cave I ask myself, "how can this be? Was it just an illusion? Not looking where I am going I trip on a large stone and fall into unconsciousness.

*Dream*
I open my eyes to see that I am back where I first agreed to fight this war. I look around to see everything as it was before, and then I hear the voice again, "I see you have found out who their new leader is. Unfortunately we knew this might happen and would like to tell you how truly sorry we are. I know what you are thinking, and there is only one way you can save her. By death only can she be freed from their power. The force you are dealing with, uses every tactic to defeat their enemy, unfortunately your only weakness was her."

After hearing what the voice had to say I replied with, "I don't know if I have what it take to kill her. I know I agreed to fight in this war, but I am not strong enough for this." And with those last words said I begin to wake up.
*Dream Ends*

As I wipe the small amount of blood off my forehead I realize that if I want to save her then I must kill her. I am back at my cave and I must prepare, for my new mission, I only wonder if I am capable of doing this. I can kill several of them in one day without a second thought, even when I was fighting my first war I could kill without thinking twice, but I am unsure about this? I guess I am weak.

I can't believe it has been over two years since I decided to fight this war. There have been ups and downs and I have taken many of them down, while they have given me so many memories and scars. Well it is time again, I shall take more out today than I have before, if I want this over I have to. As I look up out of my cave I see her, it can't be. My one true love has been captured by them, I must save her. I run past all that I had killed before to look over a ridge to see what they are doing to her. I can't see much so I have to take into assumption that what ever they are doing to her isn't a good thing. I jump off the ridge with my two swords in both hands and I attack. While slicing each one with no mercy I hear her voice, the sound of her voice took me back before the days of my first war. With so many memories that I had forgotten I begin to smile for the first time since I was chosen for this war, when I felt free. I look up to see her face, to make sure she is safe and I get myself captured. My two swords are taken from me and I am taken, while being dragged on the ground. I hear them say something about taking me to "her", although I can't really tell I have only heard them talk for a couple of years and their language is still a little rough for me to understand. I am finally presented to my love, almost as if she were their leader. Then it hits me, she is their leader! She speaks like them only with the voice I remember. It can't be, when I left her she was still in our little town awaiting for me to return, how can this be possible? Her eyes glowed with a violet color and her voice had a small amount of an echo to it. I just don't understand, I was sent to fight her. A new feeling of betrayal comes over me, and a new sense of anger I start feeling. My anger breaks me free from them and as I grab my swords, I slaughter all in sight, and when "she" is the last standing I stare down upon her with a sword on her throat, I stare into her eyes and see the one I once called my love. A tear rolls down my cheek, I can't kill her. I lift the sword and run back to my cave.

OK, first things first, my last four journal entries are parts of a story that I am working on, each day I type for about five or ten minutes to see what comes out of it and that is basically how the story is coming along.

In other news I got three games today: Prince of Persia one and two and Jade Empire Limited Edition. I am still playing SA and I almost gave up on it, it was starting to bore me a little, but then I made it two the second island and it got fun again so I will stick with it. And the most exciting news I have to offer is. Even though I will be doing it for free, I get to beta test a game from Sony!! Thats right I get to test out a game, the one thing I have been dreaming of doing is coming true. I don't know if I will be doing other games but I am very excited about this. The only thing I know so far is, I test it, I may be able to keep it but it depends on if they really want it back or not, and then I give basically what I liked and what I disliked about the game. So that is basically me in a nut shell for the past few days, oh and I have been doing something I haven't done in a really long time, I have been doing a lot of swimming. For some reason I have always hated swimming and now I know why, because I hate most of the people that go to swim, but when I am by myself or with a friend I actually have fun; plus it gets me outside so I can't complain.