So yeah my subject topic has nothing to do with this post, but it's been stuck in my head all day!

So I am SOOOO proud of myself. I finally told my ex how I feel. How him trying to have sex with me the other night really disappointed me and degraded him in my light. I needed to get that off my chest.

I was talking to some other people while talking to him via online so I got very distracted and wasn't responding to him right away...and he is like "I'm sorry I am on your lower end of priorities I will leave you alone." I respond..."Now you know how it feels, I have been there for 4 years with you."

OH IT FELT SO GOOD! *does victory dance*

Okay , so I went to a BU party last night. Never seen so many people in one house before. It was PACKED!

So within 5 minutes this sexy "doctor" was like wanna dance...so I was like SURE! we start dancing, and he shoves his tongue down my throat and then tries to finger me...I'm like NO WAY dude, I'm not like that...and he's like...wanna go upstairs and get to know me better? I'm like I gotta go. (Worst part, I think he was a the kid I am subscribed to on youtube..if it was, I think I might cry for turning him down)

Then later on this sexy, half naked "jungle boy" my friend was eyeing decided to make eye contact with me and then we just started dancing. He was nibbling on my ear, and making out with me and then tried to get down my pants like 10 times. I kept moving his hand away and he kept putting it back. At one point he took my hand put it on his butt, and then later put it on his dick, I'm like OH JEEZ!!! My friend's boytoy stepped in, said I had a boyfriend and to lay off and he couldn't speak English well ( i think he was german) and all he kept saying to my friend was **** you and flipping us off, then he started telling me to **** off. Nightmare. He was mighty fine though.

Then I got home, met my friend's boytoy's roomie, decided to sleep in his bed with him, (which a couple weeks ago my other friend made out with this kid, and she was there too last night) and stuff happened (no sex or oral) and I was up like all night...

And I went to a club back in april, decided to hit on this wicked hot kid, he said he was 19 went to BU...well turns out he wasnt 19 and still in h.s. He actually is going to BU now and showed up last night, and that was mighty awkward as well. He knew I was there...it was a nightmare.

I think that is what happened...for the most part.

AND my ex told me he would never have sex with me again like 2 weeks ago because he was attached to this knew ugly girl who lives 3 hours away he met on a dating site. Then Sunday night, he tried to get me to sleep with him. I am happy to announce I said NO! =)

Went to a halloween party last night....wanna see my costume? Good times =D

I am going to another party tonight, sadly I am broke and have to wear the same thing.

So I work at Victoria's Secret. On November 3rd we are launching the Miraculous Bra. It adds two cup sizes! I am an F in it! How crazy is that. Very unneeded. I would post a picture, but not sure gamespot would like that if they found it. So I will just tell you. HOW INSANE IS THAT! 2 cup sizes!!!! Ridic! The padding is like 3.5" thick. Tell your friends to go buy one when they launch!!!

So lets recap my crappy week...

I got a concussion, bashed my head two more times, had to go to the hospital for a ct scan.

My car died,t's been in the shop 2.5 days, hasn't been touched.

My heart got broken again from the same man who has broken my heart 10 times over the past 4 years.

I got food poisoning, and the doctor said if I don't drink lots of gatorade I will end up back in the hospital...I hate gatorade.

FML

What is next? Seriously? They say bad things happen in 3's...I'm on my 4th. In 6 days !!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!

P.S. The guy I went on a date with this weekend was great. It was tons of fun. The only bad part...he chickened out and wouldn't kiss me. Like he walked to me to my door. We hugged, our noses were touching...no kiss. I was like...okay goodnight and left...I was like waiting for a minute. Chicken!

Why are guys so chicken to kiss lately!?

Okay so my ex, of 4 years, (which we still had sex, last time was last Saturday), whom I am still in love with, told me he wants to ask out this ugly girl he met online who lives 3 hours away, and he fingered her last Sunday and she gave him a HJ, but they didn't finish. She didn't know we had sex the day prior to this. So he breaks my heart yet again. He said he sees her on the 6th of November next, she is sleeping over and he plans on asking her out. I want to kill myself. I can never let a guy in because I am afraid they are all going to break my heart like he did...like 10 times. I hate life so much. I hate love. It hurts me more than anything.

I hate men. I am so done. I always get left with nothing.

And to top it off, I got a concussion last night. I was at a halloween park and a guy in a haunted house in a metal cage decided to bang on the cage with all his body weight, it was either a door that opened or the bar broke and it bashed me off the head. Work sent me home because I couldn't function today, so I missed out on a days worth of time and a half pay..

Today, is easily the worst day of my life to date.

So update on my crappy life.

Today is the 2 year anniversary of my almost death. My appendix burst, and I was rushed into surgery. Scariest thing was I couldn't contact my boyfriend at the time. He didn't have a cell phone and it was a horrible feeling. I keep replaying the memory in my head. It's horrible.

Okay so the friend's boyfriend/ex story. This has gotten quite interesting. I saw him everyday last weekend. We had so much fun. He decided to tell his ex that we talked and that we made out. that is all he told her.

I got a voicemail from her last night (my phone was dead, not that I would of answered it anyways). It said..."Hi, It's ***** (name censored), I wanted to know the things you haven't told me, call me back." She seemed pretty pissed.

I was waiting to talk to him before I said anything to her, I needed to know what he told her.

She called me at apx 8:09p. So I knew she was with him. I decided to wait until 11:30p to text him, because he still wasn't online. I texted him "Where are you?" and got a reply back of..."I will call you in a second, nothing is wrong love :)". He obviously knew I was nervous.

He calls me, I ask where he is...he is like "At Sonic with her." I don't know if they were together when he called or if he was in the bathroom or what not, but it freaked the crap out of me. I told him it was rude to be on the phone and to call me later.

He calls me about 30 min later and tells me she was pretty pissed, but she is fine now. Just leave it be. And he is confused (what else is knew).

He apologises to me for getting me messed up in this.

I check my facebook in the morning, the girl deleted me, she also deleted me from twitter. I texted him "thanks she deleted me, so I lost two friends, you and her." I don't expect him to choose me over her, or want to talk to me. He says otherwise. I don't believe him.

He just called me up. He was on his way to his therapist appointment. So yeah I found out he has been taking unprescribed drugs to help his "depression" when I found out these drugs weren't for depression at all, but for seizures. And to top it off, he was taking like 5 at a time and having alcohol afterwards. He knows I hate drugs and drinking so he hasn't told me this "minor" detail. I was pretty upset with him. His therapist doesn't know this yet, which he said he is going to tell him today and hopefully he will prescribe him proper medicine.

He also mentioned how he doesn't want to lose me as a friend, but mentioned something about talking in 3 months, this should all be blown over. He said he wouldn't screw around with my head or heart. He has already done both. I keep telling him I don't believe him. How he isn't going to keep me in his life, because of her. Which I can live with, I just don't ever want to hear from him again at that point and want him to be honest with me, and straight out tell me.

I can live without her in my life. She pretty much used me anyways. She never wanted to hang out with me before I got my yorkie and stuff. And apparently she talks crap about me behind my back. I don't care. I don't care if he is out of my life either. I just don't want him to keep jerking me around.

He also said he is so messed up right now (I think he took too much medication) he can't think straight so don't ask him any confusing questions. I tried telling him how I felt about the whole situation, but I don't think he understood. Or was capable of understanding....which scares me. I wish I knew this vital information before hand. Huge factor!

On second thought, I am hopefully hanging out with an old flame this weekend. Going to Nightmare New England/Spooky World. If that happens and anything juicy comes up I will keep you detailed =)

I have more interesting things going on in my life, but I will save that for another blog post!

So I was driving to my college today. And I am listening to the radio...I hear my school made the news. My school is a bunch of geeks, how could we make the news? Apparently, there was an armed robbery this morning that took place on my campus and the Boston SWAT Team flooded the campus. Suspect was never found. He might be in one of our academic buildings. OH NO!!!

On a side note: So my friend's boyfriend...well now exboyfriend. He gives me mixed feelings. Like I never considered having a crush on him, but sometimes the way he talks to me, makes me get a crush, even when I don't want it. Like he says he really values me as a good friend, but hits on me at the same time, yet doesn't want a girlfriend or anything like that ro a long long time. I don't want him as a boyfriend, but just trying to figure out what he is getting at. *sigh* confusing.

So, yeah. I had sex with my friends boyfriend of 4 years. Not sure how it happened, or ended up that way. But my mind is going crazy! I never have sex with anyone I am not dating. How did this happen? I don't even know how it led up to it! Oh I feel like crap.