Why do I cry myself to sleep?

I love my ex so much. We have been broken up for just shy of a year now, but were together just about 3 years. He just broke my heart out of nowhere. Then 8 months after we break up tells me he has always still been in love with me and might want to get back together...Then wastes my time because he just can't do it. Why would he tell me that and give me the slighest bit of hope. He only told me because I told him I was moving on.

I can't find a good guy since him. I find crappy guys who don't want relationships and just want to screw around...which that isn't me. Not what I want. They don't get what they want out of me and go on their merry way.

He drives me nuts, but I love him more than anything. It sucks. Really really badly. I need to cut him out of my life, but I just can't. He means too much to me. I would die if he wanted me out of his life.

I'm just like meant to die alone or something I guess.

Darling, my 5 months old Pooch, is now 4 lbs!!!

Here is a picture of her with Princess, the two year old black lab down the street.

She is all tough =]

Here is her sleeping behind my laptop

Here is her half asleep and being all cute

Here is a picture of her sister, Shelia, the breeder's daughter I bought her from has her sister...they look like twins..

I love The Lost Boys. One of my favorite movies. Well I saw the sequel made 20 years later yesterday.

Some of the original cast is in it...such as Edgar Frog, and the vampire/villian role goes from Kiefer Sutherland to baby bro, Angus Sutherland. It is Angus' first movie role, and I must say, I liked him.

It has a lot of little jokes and such from the first movie, but will never beat the original.

If you saw/liked the first one, I would give this one a chance as well.

Release date: July 29, 2008.

FYI: I saw it before the release date, because I am amazing and have connections.

No I did not do it illegally.

Today is my boyfriend's mother's wake/funeral. She doesn't have an actual funeral since she was cremated. Only a wake and a priest there to say some final words.

My grandfather was cremated yet he had an open casket and a funeral, just wasn't put in the grund.

She will be in an urn during the ceremony. I have never heard of that before.

I could barely sleep last night, I am so anxious and nervous. I just want everything to be okay, and I want my boyfriend to be happy, since he lost something VERY dear to him =[.

This weekend was the worst. My boyfriends worst fear came true. His mother passed away on Saturday evening.

Friday night, I pulled up to his house and a popo pulled in behind me with his lights on, and the first thing I thought was...I wasn't speeding...but he ran into the house and was soon rushed to the hospital. She had a blood clot on the right side of her brain and it hemorrhaged. On arrival to the hospital she was pronounced in a coma. The family decided to have the blood drained from her head because the option of surgery had a 99% change she would not make it through. Over the night, she hemorrhaged 2 more times and by the morning was pronouced brain dead. We went to the hospital to say our goodbyes and the plug was pulled soon after.

Everyone knew, I truly hated his mother, but it was so difficult to see this happen to the man I love. The last people to see her alive were Her boyfriend, my boyfriend and I. She wasn't making any sense, couldn't speak correctly, and couldn't move. It was heart breaking. She was fine prior in the evening, nobody saw it coming.

I am not experienced with dealing with death. I want to be has much comfort and support as I can, but I don't know what to say and such. He has no place to go right now, and will be living with me in a few days, until his family can put his feet back on the ground.

It still hasn't sunk in that she is truly gone yet. Like I didn get to bring my pooch over for the first time yesterday (she was never allowed).

His mom was an avid screamer when she spoke. She would yell at him for anything, like the TV or his music being to loud and what not. Well yesterday, he was cleaning his room, with his bass all the way up (bose system), and he heard her yell from downstairs saying "ERIC, TURN THAT DOWN!" Which, scary enough, over the past few months, she wouldn't even be home, and I would hear her yell things up the stairs. It's creepy.

Also, Sunday, when we were watching movies, we kept hearing the front door shutting and movement downstairs, and nobody was around. The only other person in the house was his grandfather who is bed ridden.

I have a feeling Maureen (his mother), will be there for a long time in spirit.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to comfort him verbally? I am at a loss when it comes to it. I am his girlfriend, and want to be there for him as much as possible. I mean we have been together for a little over 2 years and 4 months, and the first time I saw him cry, was the thought of his mother passing. We all knew it was coming eventually. Just not this soon.

On my birthday, My boyfriend and our friend went to a carnival in town.

There were all really young kids there compared to us. But we decided to stay anyways and go on a few rides.

Since it was a weekday, you could buy wristbands for unlimited rides. We were going to cheat and buy one and cut it in half and tape them on our wrists, but then a light bulb popped over our heads...

We thought, "Fck this, we can make our own!"

We walk across the parking lot to Kmart and get one piece of sketch paper, borrow an orange highlighter, and wiggle sissors out of a package and take a few strands of scotch tape. I cut the paper in strips and duplicate the wristband. We taped them on...and were golden...

It was awesome!

Fohawk Puppy!!

Darling is BA...I wouldn't want to mess with this...

would you?

Darling is extremely precious. Except she needs to work with where she is suppose to go the bathroom or not.

Here is the little angel...

My puppy is coming tomorrow. I can't wait. I got new photos of her...

Isn't she precious

I decided to name her Darling, after Lady and the Tramp. Lady's owners are John Dear and Darling.

I am getting a Yorkshire Terrier on May 1st for my birthday present to myself. I have no clue what to name her.

Any suggestions?

This is what she looks like...