Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

Life, (noun).: A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

Experience: The name people give to their mistakes.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Masturbation is just like procrastination. It seems like a great idea at the time but in the end your just ****ing yourself.

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

When people talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia.

The world will end when Chuck Norris types 'Clint Eastwood' into google and then presses the 'I'm Feeling Lucky' button.

Why do they sterilise the needles for lethal injections?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.