1. Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.

2. History: Describe the history of the papacy from its originas to the present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief and concise, yet specific.

3. Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have 17 minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.

4. Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

5. Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginies are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek.

6. Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this life form had developed 500,000 years earlier, with special attention to the probably effect, if any, on the English parliamentary system circa 1750. Prove your thesis.

7. Civil Engineering: This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, create a platform that will support your weight when you and the platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.

8. Music: Write a full piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a clarinet and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

9. Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, and Gregory of Nicea. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate referrences. It is not necessary to translate.

10. Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find on your table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison (We feel this will give you the incentive to find the correct answer.)

11. Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might be associated with the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

3. Corporate Lesson 3

Usually the staff of the company play football. The middle level managers are more interested in Tennis. The top management usually has a preference for Golf.

Finding:
As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.


4. Corporate Lesson 4

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.

"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says,"I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Finding:
Always let your boss have the first say.

1. Corporate lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says,"I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?"

Finding:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


2. Corporate lesson 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Finding:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!

11. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

12. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function (see Demolition Man and countless others).

13. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.

14. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

15. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

16. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

17. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens). However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

18. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability.

19. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.

20. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face (see "Alien", "2001").

1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

3. All monitors display inch-high letters.

4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

5. You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

6. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see "Fortress").

7. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

8. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.

9. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards.

10. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

I just got out of school too! :lol: It didn't even feel like the last day though :( I still took tests and had to work, so I didn't see the difference :( I'm really sad though :( Three very good friends of mine aren't coming back next year :cry: :cry: :cry: I'm going to miss them soooooooooo much!!! :cry: They have my numbers, but I don't have theirs, so I hope they'll talk to me soon :) So, when do you guys get out?

Once again, these may not be true so don't yell at me :P

7. In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettlethat always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold
overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

8. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

9. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

10. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."

11. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."

12. England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

Some of this may not be true, but it's pretty interesting :D

1. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

2. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children-last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

3. Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

4. There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

5. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor."

6. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold."

1. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
2. In college, it is much harder to figure out the course schedule of the person whom you have a crush on. You must figure out their classes and where they walk around the campus to get to them.
3. Once you have obtained the information described in number 2, it takes more of your time and energy to run from your class to that spot where you know they are, and "just happen to bump into him/her."
4. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
5. In college, your parents don't pay for dates.
6. In high school, it never took 2-3 weeks to get money from mom and dad.
7. Usually, college guys are cuter than high school boys.
8. College women are legal.
9. If you miss 2 or 3 classes in college, you don't need a note from your parents saying that you were skip....uh, sick that day.
10. In high school, you couldn't go out to lunch because it wasn't allowed. In college, you couldn't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
11. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.

1. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
2. No food is allowed in the halls in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students to come.
3. In high school, you wear a backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.
4. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teachers' guide.
5. In college, there are no tardy slips.
6. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you can choose to live with your friends.
7. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
8. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose.
9. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky if you even get to talk with the professor.
10. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk students who think the only way to get out of an exam is to pull the alarm.
11. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
12. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.