*shudders* And I am never, EVER going to do it again!!!!! :evil: :cry: I still can't believe my anatomy teacher made us do that!? There are some colleges that don't even allow that to happen! Did anyone else have to dissect a cat before? :cry:

I don't agree with some of these, but I thought they were funny :) I'm really sorry if this offends anyone. It isn't meant to.

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something - suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind - but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man - look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

1. The future of "I give" is "I take."

2. The parts of speech are lungs and air.

3. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

4. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

5. Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

6. (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

7. A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

8. The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

9. A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it
through an aviator.

10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

11. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

12. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

13. We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

14. One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

15. A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

16. One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

17. To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

18. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

19. The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

20. Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

21. The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

22. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

23. The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

24. In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

25. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

26. In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

27. A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

I know some men aren't like this, but it's still pretty funny :lol: Sorry if it offends someone or if you've already heard it before.

1. Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay.

2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.

5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

8. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.

9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.

10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.

11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.

12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.

14. Women would rule the world.

So, what did I miss? :P I finished my projects and presented them, so I don't have to worry about them anymore :D Now I just have a bunch of tests and a cat dissection to worry about, but I don't have to do that till next week :D

This week was my last regular week of school! :D I get out in 2 weeks :D I can't wait!!! :D :D :D

You may have noticed that I haven't been on much lately :( That's because I've procrastinated on two major projects that are due on Friday and I didn't start them until yesterday :shock: :cry: I've got a lot of work to do! :cry: See you on Friday afternoon! :cry:

Who do you want to win? :D I've got bets on Kristi and Mark :D It's about time a girl won this competition again! :twisted:

1. You wake up face down on the pavement.

2. You put your bra on backward and it fits better.

3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

4. You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.

5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

6. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night, and there aren't any.

7. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

8. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

9. You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.

10. Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of motorcyclists on the interstate.

11. Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

12. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

13. You wake up and your braces are locked together.

14. You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.

15. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

16. Your income tax check bounces.

17. You put both contacts lenses in the same eye.

18. Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and your name is George.

These are so mean, but yet so funny :lol: I would never say them though :|

1. That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it?

2. I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths yesterday.

3. Hey, get out of here you pig! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a man...

4. I had a dress like that. My boyfriend made me throw it away because he said it made me look like Edna Everage.

5. Pardon me, but I think that will clash terribly with your pimples...

6. Excuse me, but would you stop staring at me? Yes, YOU!

7. Look, if you're that desperate to attract a man I'll fix you up myself

8. Excuse me for asking, but you seem to know something I don't. Is the plain, severe and drab' look in this season?

9. Size 12? That's a bit optimistic isn't it?

10. Isn't it funny how some clothes just accentuate the tummy like that?

11. Gosh, you're fat. Don't you care about yourself?

12. I'm sorry, I owe you an apology. I'm the store detective and I followed you in here because I thought you'd stuffed six dresses, four skirts and a raincoat up your jumper but I can see now that it's really all you...

13. Excuse me, but since you're obviously colorblind would you like any help?

14. I wouldn't buy that dress if I were you. All it does is accentuate your roots.

15. Hi! I'm from Weight Watchers.

Well it's true! :lol: Some of these are pretty interesting though.

1. Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden" ... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

2. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

3. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

4. Men can read smaller print better than women can; women can hear better.

5. Coca-Cola was originally green.

6. The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

7. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ( now get this...). The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

8. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

9. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

10. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

11. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

12. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

13. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

15. A cute mathematical trick: 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

16. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the
person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds
received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

17. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and
Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't
added until 5 years later.

18. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
Their birthplace

19. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
Obsession

20. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all
have in common?
All invented by women.