1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight" came from.

2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon".

3. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."

4. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill,they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle," is the phrase inspired by this practice.

5. In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got the consent of the King and the King gave them placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F. U. C. K. on it (Fornication Under Consent of the King.)

Does anybody have any plans for today? :D

1. Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


2. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat turkey or chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.


3. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.


4. Q: How can I calculate my body fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


5. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is No Pain -- Good.


6. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


7. Q: What's the real secret to healthier eating?

A: Thicker gravy.


8. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


9. Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans...another vegetable. It's the best feel-good
food around!

1. Growl constantly and address students as "matey".
2. Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class
   projects.
3. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
4. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular
   intervals.
5. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
6. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten
   minutes.
7. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
8. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet.
   Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.
9. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
10. Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep
    their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I
    picked up in the field".
11. Jog into cl*ss rip the textbook in half, and scream,
    "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"
12. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the cl*ss for
    attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday
    was the last day to drop.
13. Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11
    number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in
    place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.
14. Use a graduate student to bang cymbals every time your name is mentioned.

Some professors actually did do some of these during the first week of class :lol:

1. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream
   "MY PACEMAKER!"
2. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
   and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
3. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
   question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't
   hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
4. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them
   your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
   Smartypants?"
5. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
   with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering
   "tsk, tsk".
6. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".
7. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the cl*ss whether
   your butt looks fat.
8. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus cl*ss Giggle throughout it.
9. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown's
   "Sex Machine."
10. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead
    of you as you pace back and forth.
11. Address students as "worm".
12. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a
    single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any
    moment.
13. Point the overhead projector at the cl*ss. Demand each student's
    name, rank, and serial number.
14. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space
    for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your
    sentence and proceed normally.
15. Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.

1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering,
when you are not.

2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and
over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really
dying for you to telephone them at 4am.

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to
your pants.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with
members of the opposite sex.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see
something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on
the forehead.

11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named BO.

12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

14. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum,
whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

15. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy

1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your
life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home
at $5,000 per month.

2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we
don't know where the hell she is.

3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing
again.

4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to show up.

5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.

6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them
further up our body.

7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

10. If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a small country.

13. "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." --Decca
Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

14. "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." --Lord Kelvin,
president, Royal Society, 1895.

15. "If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The
literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." --Spencer
Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

16. "So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even
built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or
we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come
work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard,
and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college
yet.'" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari
and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

17. "Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction
and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to
react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high
schools." --1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's
revolutionary rocket work.

18. "You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of
your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to
accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of
weight training." --Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable"
problem by inventing Nautilus.

19. "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're
crazy." --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to
drill for oil in 1859.

20. "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
--Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

21. "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." --Marechal
Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

22. "Everything that can be invented has been invented." --Charles H. Duell,
Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

23. "Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". --Pierre Pachet,
Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

24. "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". --Sir John Eric Ericksen,
British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

1. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981

2. Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." --Popular
Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

3. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." --Thomas
Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

4. "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and walked with
the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that
won't last out the year." --The editor in charge of business books for
Prentice Hall, 1957

5. "But what ... is it good for?" --Engineer at the Advanced Computing
Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

6. "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." --Ken
Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

7. "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as
a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876.

8. "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay
for a message sent to nobody in particular?" --David Sarnoff's associates
in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

9. "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better
than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." --A Yale University management
professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight
delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

10. "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers,1927.

11. "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary
Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in
"Gone With The Wind."

12. "A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say
America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
--Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

I want to change icons. I like the icon I have now, but I've had it for almost a year and a half now, so it's time to change. I'm having trouble deciding though :( Which do you guys like better?

Yes, they're all Kingdom Hearts :P :lol: My friends like the last one better, but I also like the first and third. I'm not too attached to the second one, but it flashes! :lol: Come on, who doesn't like flashy icons? :lol: