1. "Does the album have any songs you like that aren't on it?
   - Harry News, music reviewer
2. "From an early age I was aware of what America meant, and how the Marines at Camp Pendleton were ready to defend us at a moment's notice. I also remember what fabulous bodies those troops had."
   - Heather Locklear, Actress
3. "Coming on to pitch is Mike Moore, who is six-foot-one and 212 years old."
   - Herb Score, Sportscaster
4. "I deny the allegations and I defy the alligators!"
   - Indicted Chicago Alderman
5. "FIRST, CARRY TO FIRE."
   - Instructions on a fire extinguisher
6. "Passive activity income does not include the following: Income for an activity that is not a passive activity."
   - IRS form 8583, Passive Activity Loss Limitation
7. "I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
   - Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons
8. "I don't want to ever, ever do something in life that isn't fun. Ever."
   - Jennifer Love Hewitt, Actress, in the February Cosmopolitan.
9. "Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!"
   - Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer
10. "I think everybody gets caught up in superstitions. But I don't put much stock in them... knock on wood."
    - Jim Deshaies, Minnesota Twins pitcher
11. "A brain scan revealed Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a stress fracture of the shin."
    - Jo Sheldon

1. "If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
   - Ernest Bevin, Former British foreign minister
2. "Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths."
   - Frank Broyles, College football coach

3. "I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost."
   - Frank Bruno, Boxer

4. "Yes, maam? Right here, this lady. No, she! Yes, right, second row. Next to the guy in the blue shirt, holding her left hand up. It's a he? Sorry about that. Gotta be careful. I'm very sorry. Go ahead! I'm, excuse me, I'm very sorry. Go, ah, I, a thousand apologies, go ahead."
   - George Bush Sr., Former U.S. President, at a press conference

5. "It is white."
   - George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

6. "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
   - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

7. "I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity."
   - Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

8. "For most people, death comes at the end of their lives."
   - GLR broadcaster, UK

9. "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
   - Greg Norman, Golfer

Although 2007 was fun, I'm glad to see it go :lol:

1. "Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
   - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
2. "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
   - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
3. "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
   - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
4. "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
   - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

5. "It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
   - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

6. "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
   - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

7. "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
   - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

8. "And now the sequence of events in no particular order."
   - Dan Rather, television news anchor

9. "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
   - Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager

10. "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
    - David Acfield

11. "The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
    - Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

1. "Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound."
   - Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

2. "FOR RENT: CONDOM... ONLY US$650."
   - Ad in Jakarta Post, should have read Condo

3. "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
   - Alan Minter, Boxer

4. "Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier."
   - Anonymous Traffic Report

5. "We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
   - Arab News report

6. "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
   - Britney Spears, Pop Singer

7. "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
   - Budapest Zoo sign

8. "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
   - Charles De Gaulle, former French President

9. "Football players win football games."
   - Chuck Knox, football coach

10. "Most lies about blondes are false."
    - Cincinnati Times-Star, headline

11. "Any person who shall lead or drive a bear upon any highway shall be fined not more than $50."
    - Connecticut General Statutes, Section 6215

1. The only thing lazy people do fast is get tired.
2. The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work.
3. The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
4. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
5. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
6. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
7. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
8. The three most valuable words in the English language are, "I don't know."
9. The tongue weighs practically nothing ... but so few people can hold it.
10. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
11. The truth is out there. So what are you doing here?
12. The universe is a figment of its own imagination.
13. There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!
14. There are two kinds of pedestrians ... the quick and the dead.
15. There can't be a crisis today. My schedule is already full.
16. This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.

1. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
2. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
3. The aging process could be slowed down, if it had to work its way through Congress.
4. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
5. The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.
6. The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning.
7. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
8. The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less ...
9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
10. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
11. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."
12. The mind is like a parachute. It works much better when it's open.
13. The most powerful force in the universe is ... gossip.
14. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
15. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
16. There is no snooze button on a cat that wants breakfast.
17. There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

I still can't believe it's almost Christmas:shock: It just doesn't feel like it to me...

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, at Christmas time their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

12 Days of Christmas - A Cat's Rendition

On the twelfth day of Christmas my human gave to me:

Twelve bags of catnip!

Eleven tarter Pounce treats,

Ten ornaments hanging,

Nine wads of Kleenex,

Eight peacock feathers,

Seven stolen Q-tips,

Six feathered balls,

Five MILK JUG RINGS!

Four munchy house plants,

Three running faucets,

Two fuzzy mousies,

And a hamste-e-er in a plastic ball!!