I'm sure most of you have heard this before, but I thought it was really funny and I just have to share it:lol:

"Many many years ago when I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad.
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mom and it surely makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife, she is my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!"

1. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
2. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
3. Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can't remember who it was.
4. Skip to the bathroom.
5. Collect Chia-Pets.
6. Eat a bag of marshmallows before you go to bed. The next day, spray three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
7. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done it."
8. Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report.
9. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it regularly and frown.
10. Bring in potential new roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room.
11. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain that "it just didn't belong."
12. Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray."
13. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he/she knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
14. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."
15. Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess the secret word, make him/her pay a tithe.
16. Sign your roommate up for various activities (Campus tour guide, blood donor, organ donor).
17. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.
18. Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.
19. Draw a chalk outline of a dead body on the floor.
20. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen and yellow highlighter. Highlight page numbers and write rude comments on the margins.
21. Write letters to yourself from famous people. Mail them to yourself. Be sure your roommate picks the mail.

1. Repeat thoughtfully the last word of everything your roommate says (e.g., Your roommate: "How are you doing today?" You: "Today . . . Today . . . ?")
2. Continuously refer to your roommate using terms of endearment (sweetcheeks, honeybuns). Slap him/her in the face if s/he ever does the same.
3. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
4. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
5. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtly. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
6. Spend all your money on Coke Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
7. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
8. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
9. Smile. All the time.
10. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
11. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
12. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
13. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
14. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
15. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why . . ." Be creative.
16. Shave one eyebrow.
17. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
18. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka" and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
19. Listen to radio static.
20. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's Email.
21. If you get in before your roommate, go to sleep in his/her bed.

I have a new favorite band!:D They're called Lacuna Coil. I've never heard of them before, but my sister forced me to listen to them and I really like them:D

Here's where you can listen to some of their songs if you want:

http://music.aol.com/artist/lacuna-coil/293279/songs

My favorites are Closer, Within Me, and Enjoy the Silence:D

What is your favorite band and song?

These are actual comments received in 1996 from the Bridger Wilderness registration sheets and comment cards:

1. Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
2. Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce world-wide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
3. Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.
4. All the mile markers are missing this year.
5. Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.
6. Trail needs to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
7. Too many bugs and leaches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
8. Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow during the winter.
9. Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
10. The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
11. A small deer came into my camp and stole my jar of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call __ __ __.
12. Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
13. Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
14. Need more signs to keep area pristine.
15. A McDonalds would be nice at the trailhead.
16. The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.
17. I brought lots of sandwich makings, but forgot bread. If you have extra bread, leave it in the yellow tent at V Lake.
18. Too many rocks in the mountains.

Happy Father's Day!:D I found this poem a couple of months ago, and I thought it was good:D

What Is A Dad?

A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again.

A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt.

A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail...

Remember how I said I had hundreds of these and I'd add them every once in awhile? Well, I added part 1 last month, so I thought it was time to add part 2:D This summary is the same one on the first blog:

"I have hundreds of these sayings so there may be several different parts. I'm not going to add them all this week, but I'll add them from time to time:D Some of these sayings are funny, true, random, stupid, knowledgeable, etc. It's quite a variety:lol:"

1. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
2. Attempt to get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
3. Auntie Em:
   Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.
   Dorothy
4. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
5. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
6. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
7. Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
8. Caution: Off medication and dangerous.
9. Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
10. Children will soon forget your presents. They will always remember your presence.
11. Chocolate: The other major food group.
12. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
13. Clean, dependable, hard working ... good God, what kind of monster have I become!?!
14. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the driveway before it has stopped snowing.
15. Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
16. Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.
17. Constant change is here to stay.
18. Cooking lesson #1, don't fry bacon in the nude!
19. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
20. Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

I don't know if you guys would remember this since I was new then, but my grandpa was in the hospital early in November:( He had a heart attack and had to have surgery:cry: He almost didn't make it:cry:

Well, last night he was sent to the hospital again because he had a seizure:cry: I was just getting ready to go to bed (around 11 PM) and we got a call from my grandma. She said my grandpa had collapsed and was throwing fits and acting funny. My dad went over there to help.

He called back an hour and a half later to say he was in the hospital:( The seizure he had was a diabetes attack. Apparently, he eats all his carbs for the day in one sitting and uses too much insulin. His sugar was less than 30:shock:

Believe it or not, I feel more angry than sad:x He almost died a few months ago because of that stupid heart attack:evil: He has another chance to live, but he's spoiling it:evil::cry: I honestly don't think he's going to live much longer:cry:

Sorry, but I don't feel like adding anything funny today:cry: I'll start those blogs again tomorrow - as long as everything goes okay:cry:

I know it's mean to laugh at people when they fall and hurt themselves, but what happened yesterday was just too funny:lol:

My mom and I usually go for walks around town on her days off work. Yesterday, we went for a walk at a cemetery downtown. I know that sounds creepy, but it's really pretty there:D

We went to that cemetery a few months ago when my sister and I were working on our leaf collection. Our favorite tree was the ginkgo, but we couldn't find it anywhere, so everytime we go walking at that cemetery, we look for it.

Well, we found it, but it involved going downhill to get to it:( My mom doesn't like going downhill because she has bad knees (just like me). She was complaining about her knees when, all of a sudden, she tripped over a pot hole and fell facefirst on the ground. She tried to break the fall by throwing out her arms and catching herself, but she only scraped her hands, and fell on her back and rolled a little ways downhill (about 3 feet at the most) :lol:

As soon as I made sure she was okay, I started laughing my head off:lol: It was so funny:lol:

She bruised and scraped her leg, arms, right hand, and her elbow. She also hurt her shoulder and she had a hard time lifting it above her head last night:( She's at work now, so I suppose she's feeling better:)

When we got home yesterday, she told me that if I said anything about her fall to my dad or sister, she would ground me for a week:shock::? She, instead, tried to come up with a new story about fighting off a mugger who wanted to steal her purse and cell phone:roll::lol:

My dad didn't believe it. When she finished her story, my dad looked at her and said, "You fell didn't you." :lol: I got to tell the real story after that:lol:

Here is part 2:D Remember: some of these may not be appropriate.

1. He: You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? He: Twice.

2. Hi, my name's Right...Mr. Right.

3. I have only three months to live.

4. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

5. Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!

6. Is your name Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get.

7. It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? [Is it really your birthday?] No. But how about a kiss anyway?

8. Man: excuse me did you just feel my a*s? Girl: no you: why not?

9. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

10. Oh my god, I thought I was gay then I met you.

11. So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?

12. What's a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?

13. I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

14. Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?

15. Can I read your T shirt in brail?

16. You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

17. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.

18. You'll do.

19. Damn, I'm glad I'm not blind!

20. You might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell everyone we did anyway!

21. Excuse me miss? You dropped something back there? (As you look around you ask "where") Over there! (Ask again: "What did I drop?") He answers back: My jaw!