The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school. (In other words the Saturday morning traffic school for moving violation offenders.)


Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate number.


Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."


Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.


Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.


Q: What changes would occur in your life****if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully. Q: If someone runs out in front of your vehicle, what should you do?

A: Show them who's boss!


Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.


Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.


Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.


Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Guess what?:D I have reached my goal of writing over 200 reviews!!!:D:D:D I wrote a review yesterday that was over 580 words!:shock: I guess I got a little carried away:lol::oops:

Sorry about my previous blog post:( I didn't realise I had repeated numbers 2 and 7:oops:

1. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
2. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
3. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
4. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
5. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
6. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
7. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
8. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
9. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
10. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
11. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
12. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
13. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
14. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
15. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
16. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

I know I had a list like this awhile ago, but I found another file on my computer that had the other parts to it:roll: I guess I need to improve my organization skills:oops::lol:

1. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
2. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
3. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
4. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
5. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
6. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
7. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
8. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
9. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
10. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
11. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
12. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
13. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
14. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
15. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
16. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.

I thought this was kind of interesting:D

1. "Typewriter" is the largest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
2. "Go" is the shortest complete sentence in the English languauge.
3. No word in the English language rhymes with "orange," "silver," "purple," or "month."
4. "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
5. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the alphabet.
6. The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable."
7. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in "mt"
8. Only 4 words in the English language end in "dous;" "tremendous," horrendous," stupendous," and "hazardous."
9. The letters of the alphabet in order of frequency of use are: E T A I S O N H R D L U C M F W Y P G V B K J Q X Z
10. 5 words begin with "dw": "dwarf", "dwell", "dwelling", "dwindle", and "dwy."
11. The 3 longest words without using a vowel are: "crwth" (pronounced krooth), which is a type of stringed instrument, "liwchxwr," a city district in Wales, and "rhythms."
12. The longest one - syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

7. Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.

10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!!!

1. Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.

2. Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.

3. Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say, "Wheee! I'm Batman!" while running around.

4. Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.

5. Play Marco-Polo by yourself.

6. Ask people if they have seen your pet snake.

7. Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.

8. Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.

9. Hit strangers with your flutter board.

10. Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.

11. Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.''

12. Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.

13. Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''

14. Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.

15. Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.

16. Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool.

17. Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.

18. Try to negotiate the price of getting in.

19. Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.

20. When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.

"When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents"

"Never trust your dog to watch your food"

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer."

"Never tell your mom her diet's not working."

"Stay away from prunes."

"Never pee on an electric fence."

"Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to."

"When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."

"Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment."

"Don't sneeze in front of mum when you're eating crackers."

"Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac."

"Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time."

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."

"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts."

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."

"Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick."

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone."

"Never try to baptize a cat."

"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do."

"Never dare your little brother to paint the family car."

Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords by their tenants.

"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."

"I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."

"This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."

"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."

"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."

"Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."

"Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny color and not fit to drink."

"Would you please send a man to repair my downspout? I am an old page pensioner and need it straight away."

"When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n
Gotta get married in a church.

Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a hair doo you will never be able to duplicate again.

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

10. E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."

9. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.

8. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnap.

7. Your web browser has a new home page: http://www.feline.com/.

6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna.

5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of "CyberDog."

4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.

3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.

2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.

and the #1 sign your cat has learned your internet password...

1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post!

Does anybody here watch Dancing with the Stars? I just started watching it this season:D I am sooooooooooo glad Apolo and Julianne won!!!!:D:D:D:D They were always my favorite:D It would be awesome if they got married:D

My mom, grandma, and uncle do this thing every year where we all pool our money together to buy a full cow for the meat. We went to pick it up today, and my mom was out in the garage putting the meat in the freezer. My dad just got home from work and was in the shower. I went to the bathroom door and yelled, "Hey dad! We have the cow out in the garage! And we have the meat too!:lol: My mom got really really mad at me; but it was worth it:lol::lol::lol: