1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.

3. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

5. Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

6. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

7. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

8. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

9. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask him/her to settle the disagreement.

10. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

11. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

12. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

13. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

14. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

I have hundreds of these sayings so there may be several different parts. I'm not going to add them all this week, but I'll add them from time to time:D Some of these sayings are funny, true, random, stupid, knowledgeable, etc. It's quite a variety:lol:

1. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
2. A cannibal's favorite game is 'swallow the leader'.
3. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.
4. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
5. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
6. A hug is a great gift. One size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it's easy to exchange.
7. A lifelong friend is someone you haven't borrowed money from yet.
8. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
9. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
10. Accidents don't just happen; they must be carelessly planned.
11. After all is said and done, let there not be more said than done.
12. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
13. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.
14. Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
15. An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience.
16. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
17. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
18. Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old ... as long as she buys him a few drinks first.
19. Anyone who says, "Easy as taking candy from a baby," has never tried it.
20. Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

I forgot to mention on yesterday's blog that there was a part 2:oops: Some of you have already mentioned these euphemisms though:lol:

1. A few ants short of a picnic.
2. A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce.
3. Forgot to pay his brain bill.
4. Dumb as a stump.
5. As smart as bait.
6. Dumb as a corn cob.
7. If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted.
8. Off his rocker.
9. Room temperature IQ.
10. He played too much without a helmet.
11. As useful as a wooden frying pan.
12. As useful as a screen door on a submarine.
13. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
14. A few feathers short of a whole duck.
15. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
16. A few peas short of a casserole.
17. A pepperoni short of a pizza.
18. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
19. A few clowns short of a circus.
20. On/off switch is stuck in the off position.
21. Needing a few screws tightened.
22. He's so dense light bends around him.
23. He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart.
24. If he had a brain, he'd be dangerous.
25. If brains were chocolate, he wouldn't have enough to fill an M&M.
26. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. ( I use this one all the time:lol: )
27. Not the brightest light in the harbor.
28. Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree.

Instead of calling someone stupid, why not tell them one of these:lol:

1. A beer short of a six pack.
2. A brick short of a load.
3. A couple of eggs shy of a dozen.
4. A couple of gallons short of a full tank.
5. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
6. Not the sharpest pencil in the box.
7. Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box.
8. Strong like bear, smart like tractor.
9. The elevator is stuck between floors.
10. You're the flower of my life (you blooming idiot).
11. Elevator doesn't quite make the top floor.
12. Fell out of the family tree.
13. Doesn't have all the dots on his dice.
14. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
15. About as bright as a burnt-out 20 watt light bulb.
16. A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
17. A few cards short of a deck.
18. A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner.
19. Dumber than a bag of rocks.
20. Doesn't have both oars in the water.
21. If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
22. He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
23. He's got a leak in his think-tank.
24. Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window. 
25. She is so dumb, she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses.
26. Sharp as a bowling ball.
27. A few clowns short of a circus.
28. Running on empty.

Does anybody here watch Code Lyoko? Ratlover15 persuaded me to watch the marathon yesterday and I really really like it!:D It's not as good as Danny Phantom, but it's still pretty good. I've been watching some of the previous episodes on youtube, but I'm still a little confused:oops::lol: I'll figure it out when I watch more eppies though:D

A very dear friend of mine, sweet_jane, is having a Friendship Weekend Celebration and I wanted to be part of it to show my love for all of my friends here at tv.com:D

Thank you all for being my friend and being here for me to help get me through tough times (grandpa's heart attack, Cassie's leukemia, Boo-Boo's death, homework, projects, tests, ear problems, migranes, braces, freshman year in high school, etc.) You all are very dear to me. There are no words I can say that can truly express how I feel about you all:D

I found this friendship poem a few months ago (I can't remember where I found it) and I want to share it with you:

When we first talked to each other
I knew we would always be friends.
Our friendship has kept on growing
And I'll be here for you to the end.

You listen when I have a problem
And help dry the tears from my face.
You take away my sorrow
And put happiness in its place.

We can't forget the fun we've had
Laughing 'til our faces turn blue.
Talking of things only we find funny
People think we're insane-If they only knew!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks
For catching me when I fall.
Thanks once again for being such a good friend
And being here with me through it all.

Here is part 2:D

1. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
2. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
3. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
4. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
5. Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
6. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
7. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
8. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
9. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
10. Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
11. Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
12. Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
13. William Kelly was fed secretary
14. Milk drinkers are turning to powder
15. Farmer Bill dies in house
16. Squad helps dog bite victim
17. Dealers will hear car talk at noon
18. Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
19. Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
20. Stud Tires Out
21. Air Head Fired
22. Steals Clock, Faces Time
23. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
24. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

I forgot to tell you guys something!!!:D My sister got her driver's license yesterday!!!:shock::D Her picture looks horrible:lol: It looks like a mug shot:lol: If you guys happen to hear about some maniac driving a 2005 Ford Taurus on the wrong side of the road, in ditches, through houses, hitting pedestrians, etc. it's just my sister:lol::lol::lol: APPROACH WITH CAUTION!!!......on second thought DON'T APPROACH AT ALL!!!:lol:

The following phrases are actual news headlines that can have several different meanings:

1. Miami police officer kills man with toy gun
2. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
3. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
4. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
5. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
6. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
10. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
11. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
12. Eye Drops Off Shelf
13. Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
14. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
15. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
16. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
17. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
18. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
19. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
20. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
21. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
22. Deer Kill 17,000
23. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
24. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Here's part 2:D

1. I'm not crazy; I've just been in a very bad mood for (insert your age) years.
2. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
3. Allow me to introduce my selves.
4. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
5. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
6. Better living through denial.
7. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
8. You say I'm a b**ch like it's a bad thing.
9. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
10. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
11. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
12. Okay, okay, I take it back! Unf*ck you!
13. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
14. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
15. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
16. You look like sh*t. Is that the style now?
17. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
18. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
19. This is a mean, cruel world & I want my nappy & medication right now!
20. Is it time for your medication or mine?
21. I plead contemporary insanity.
22. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
23. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
24. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

I didn't add them right so there are more in this part than the last one:oops::lol: Sorry:P

Today has been a really stressful day for me and I thought this was appropriate:lol:

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Well, aren't we just a ray of f**king sunshine?
3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
5. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a f**king people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's H*ll with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
9. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
10. You! Off my planet!
11. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
12. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
13. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
14. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
15. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
16. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
17. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
18. And your crybaby whiny-as*ed opinion would be...?

Happy Mother's Day everyone!:D I don't have any funny stuff about moms, but I did find this and I think it's really cute:D

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

"Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

"You will simply call her, 'Mom.'"