1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"

2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......

5. Ask if you can see his gun.

6. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him by his first name.

11. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

12. When he says no, cry.

13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.

15. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

16. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.

17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first"

18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.

19. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."

20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.

21. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.

1. Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

2. When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

3. "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

4. Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

5. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

6. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

7. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

8. Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

9. Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

10. Don't you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?

11. Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?

12. Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

13. If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"

As promised, here is part 2:D I would also like to mention that these sayings only apply to professional acting and theatre - not plays performed in school.

The Sound/Electrics Crew

1. I must fix the light in the publicity office
2. This equipment is far more complicated than we need
3. Of course I can operate sound from here
4. Be sure to keep that instrument away from flying pieces
5. Move all the lights on the FOH bar a foot to the right? No problem
6. No problem
7. I'll do that right away
8. All the equipment is working perfectly
9. That had nothing to do with the computer, it was all my fault
10. I have all the equipment I need, thanks
11. No, honestly, it's my round
12. Thanks, but I don't drink

The Director

1. That's fine, I've got my own torch
2. Leave it where it is, we'll re-block it
3. We'll bring the crew onstage just before the author
4. We'll bring the crew onstage
5. This chair is fine, thank you
6. Thank you
7. We'll use it as it is
8. Let the crew have that day
9. That's perfect!
10. My round, are all the crew here?
11. Go ahead and do what you want

The Choreographer

1. This floor is fine
2. Plenty warm enough, thank you
3. The lights are spot on, thank you
4. Thank you
5. Leave it as it is; we'll fit in somehow
6. Our dressing room is fine
7. The costumes are perfect
8. The boom positions are fine
9. The wing space is ample, really

I have a question about becoming an editor. I want to become an editor for a person, because she doesn't have one yet, but I don't know how to get it:( I added 19 contributions, but I'm not the editor. Do you have to email someone and ask permission or what?:?

The Technical Rehearsal

1. It looks like there will be time for a third dress rehearsal
2. Take your time getting back
3. We've been ready for hours
4. There's plenty of room for more instruments over here
5. The headsets are working perfectly
6. The cue lights are working perfectly
7. The orchestra has no complaints
8. The whole company is standing by whenever you want them
9. That didn't last long
10. That went SO well!
11. We've finished early, so why don't the crew just go home?
12. We've finished early

The Actor

1. Don't. Let's not talk about me
2. I've got a bit of free time. You want a hand unloading the set?
3. I really think my big scene should be cut
4. This costume is SO comfortable
5. I love my shoes
6. No problem, I can do that myself
7. No problem
8. My hair looks great!
9. I have a fantastic agent. Here, I'll give you his number; don't forget to mention me
10. I have a fantastic agent
11. Let me stand right upstage with my back to the audience
12. No, leave the light where it is, I'll walk into it
13. Shall I take these cups back?
14. No, honestly, it's my round
15. Would you like me to do my own hair and makeup?
16. Why are you paying my so much?

The Stage Crew

1. Not at all, that instrument isn't in the way
2. We'll get in early and do it tomorrow
3. No, no, I'm sure that's our job
4. Anything I can do to help?
5. All the tools are carefully locked away
6. Can we do that scene change again, please?
7. It's a marvelous show!
8. I don't need this many on the crew
9. You're all far too busy; I'll get it onstage on my own
10. That was easy!
11. I'll do it right after I mop the stage
12. Another props table? Certainly!
13. No, honestly, it's my round
14. Thanks, but I don't drink
15. Why would I want a break? There's too much work to be done!

I just got back from my grandma's house:D I had to help her with the garage sale:roll: It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I read Great Expectations for my Honors English class and filled in the reading guide. That book is really good!!! When I first started reading it, I didn't care for it and I complained the whole time, but it's really good:D

I made $26 from the garage sale:lol: I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it yet. I might just put it in my savings account that I'm saving for college - or, I could keep it and buy more songs from Itunes for my IPOD:lol: I'll decide later.

My ear is killing me!!!!!:evil: Like I said last week, the ear specialist has no idea what's wrong with me and I think he thinks I'm faking it:x He gave me some medicine called Day Pro - it's like Ibuprofen, only a little stronger. It doesn't help me:cry: I took took Day Pro pills and about 4 Ibuprofens:shock: Hopefully I won't pass out from overdosing and get rushed to the hospital:o Oh well - at least I'll feel better:lol::wink:

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

7. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

8. Stare at the screen of the person next to you, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

9. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

I'm not going to be able to come online until about 6 P.M. my time tomorrow:cry: I'm going to my grandma's house to help out with a garage sale and I won't be home until after 4:(

Polaricegirl and Totally_Asje: I know I haven't PMed you guys in a long time and I'm really sorry about that:( I've had a lot of homework lately and I have to shorten my computer time so I can get it all done:x I'll try to PM you tonight or tomorrow:wink:

To Everyone: I'm sorry I haven't commented on some of your blogs lately:( As I said before, I haven't found the time to do everything I want to do since I have so much homework:( I have over 200 friends and it's hard to comment on all of your blogs:( I'll try to make it up to you guys this summer:D:wink: Summer vacation starts in 6 weeks! YAHOO!!!!!!:lol::lol::lol:

Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

6. "Did he kill you?"

7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any girls?"

12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: "I went to Europe, sir."
Q: "And you took your new wife?"

14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male or female?"

16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."

20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early childhood."

22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

This reminds me of the doctor quotes:roll: Just like I wouldn't want those doctors operating on me, I wouldn't want these lawyers defending me:lol:

I've been having some pretty weird dreams lately, so I looked up dreams on the internet to see what they mean. I found this and I thought it was interesting:

1. Being naked. This dream represents feelings of being exposed in some embarrassing way, not the fear that you will forget to wear clothes one day. Finding yourself naked in a classroom may mean that you aren't prepared for a test or project at school.

2. Falling. You may be afraid of failing at something. Or it could mean that you can't keep up with your friends or that you don't measure up. Falling dreams can also mean that you have a sense of failure about a specific situation.

3. Teeth Falling Out. These dreams can mean that you're concerned about your appearance and that gorgeous smile of yours. But it can also mean that you're worried about what your friends and teachers think of you.

4. Taking an exam. If you dream that you can't complete an exam in the allowed time, if you are late for the exam, or if your pencil keeps breaking during a test, you are feeling insecure and worried that you are letting others down.

5. Being chased. If you are running away, hiding, or trying to outwit your pursuer, it may mean that yu're afraid of dealing with fears, stress, or problems in your life. Instead of confronting the situation, you're avoiding it.

6. Flying. Many people have found flying dreams an exhilarating, joyful, and liberating experience. It may mean that you are prepared and on top of a given situation or that you have gained a different viewpoint  on things. Your feel undefeatable, and nobody can tell you what you cannot do and accomplish. You have a sense of freedom.

7. Weird dreams that make no sense. If you dream, for example, that a large blue shoe is sitting next to you in a spaceship made of marshmallows, your mind is probably searching for a solution to a specific problem.

My dreams are always like number 5 or number 7:( Which number suits you?

I know I had a blog a few months ago about weird and unusual phobias, but I found some more:lol: Yes, these are different than the other ones:wink::

1. Ablutophobia - Fear of bathing (gross!)
2. Achluphobia - Fear of the dark
3. Aerophobia- Fear of swallowing air (:o)
4. Ambulophobia- Fear of walking (Does this mean they run and crawl all the time?)
5. Atelophobia - Being imperfect
6. Aulophobia- Fear of flutes
7. Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern Lights
8. Barophobia- Fear of gravity (:?)
9. Batophobia- Fear of being close to high buildings
10. Blennophobia - slime
11. Catoptrophobia- Fear of mirrors (They must be afraid of their reflection:lol: )
12. Chionophobia - snow
13. Chrometophobia - money (WHAT!!??)
14. Chronomentrophobia - clocks
15. Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body (:?)
16. Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom (Okay, we need to talk about this one:roll: )
17. Emetophobia - vomiting ( I think I have this one:lol: )
18. Engophobia - work
19. Gymnophobia - Being naked (:?...no comment)
20. Ideophobia- Fear of ideas
21. Kainophobia- Fear of anything new
22. Lachanophobia - vegetables
23. Levophobia- Fear of objects to the left side of the body (What if this person had #15 too?)
24. Melophobia - music (I can't see how you can live with this phobia!!!:shock: )
25. Mnemophobia- Fear of memories (:?)
26. Novercaphobia - stepmother
27. Odynophobia - pain
28. Papyrophobia - paper
29. Pediophobia - dolls
30. Peladophobia- Fear of bald people (What if they were bald too?)(I guess they don't like my dad:lol: )
31. Samhainophobia - Halloween (What, are they allergic to candy?:? )
32. Testophobia - taking tests (Now this one is perfectly understandable:lol: )

Quick question: If you delete someone from your friends list, does that person get a PM about it? I think I lost a friend, but I didn't get a PM about it:(

10 Stupid Things to Ask a Videostore Assistant

1. What kind of movies do you have?
2. Just how long is the Never Ending Story?
3. I kept the original tape. Is it okay if I just return a copy?
4. Can you help me? I'm looking for something I haven't seen.
5. Do you have a maching to erase subtitles?
6. Can I watch this here?
7. Do you have a version of Titanic with a happy ending?
8. Can you help me to stop my VCR from blinking twelve o' clock all the time?
9. Do you have anything funny?
10. Do you have (insert title currently playing at the movie theater)?

I'm sorry this is so short, but my embarrassing grandma is coming over for dinner soon, so I've got to limit my computer time so I can help cook dinner and do my homework:roll: I have alot of homework today:evil: I have to read a 20 page chapter for world history, and 49 pages of Great Expectations for English tomorrow:evil: That book is boring!!!:evil: