First, I'd like to thank all you guys for your inputs these last few days. I appreciate it, honestly. It was pretty rough, and you all stuck at my side (well, as far as internet friendships go). Anyway, we've agreed to stay friends, which is a first for me considering most of my encounters with exes have all gone down in flames in epic battles of coarse language and damaged property ( I refuse to ever hit a woman...I'd rather break my hand punching a wall ). And even though we're not as intimate as before, she still is the best friend I could have.

Really, though, I feel bad for dumping all this depressing matter onto you. It's just that we all have our own unique ways of releasing stress: talking to someone, wailing on a punching bag, eating, sitting alone, etc. My way of relieving stress is writing. I mean, I don't talk much when it comes to personal matters, but I can sit for hours at the computer writing words expressing my emotions. Anyway, life's been stable now. Bought a few new games and movies, just been relaxing right now.

Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing more I want than someone I used to love at least stick around and still be someone I can talk to. But...really, is it a wise move? I mean, last time I was friends with an ex, we ended up making out for a couple hours before she went back to her boyfriend. Seriously, it was an awkward freakin' moment, and one that hurt like hell too. But on her behalf, it would've helped a lot if she told me of said boyfriend. Then you got the insecure boyfriend who finds it blasphemous for his new woman to still talk to her ex as a friend, and makes it his sole purpose in his life to cut off all communications. I've been through it all, people. So what I'm saying is, I'm more comfortable not running into people I used to date, not having a conversation about current events than looking at a woman in the eyes and have shellshocked moments like some Vietnam veteran about epic moments that will never be forgotten, but at the same time never will happen again. Seriously, everytime I think of the past about stuff like these, I have the urge to swallow pills and put a pistol to my head. I've been working myself to exaustion in the bakery just so I don't come home and cry myself to sleep. I smoke about two packs of cigarettes a day because I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I pound shots and pass out to ensure that I don't do something stupid to myself out of drunken paranoia. To tell the truth, I don't want a woman, I never did ever since the dawn of history in my life. I fall in love with a woman in the same comparison as how sh*t happens in life. I can't control my urges just how you can't control the rain stopping after you wash the car. And it doesn't help that the entire f*cking resturant has to pry into my life about every thing I do in life outside of work and somehow manage to make it worse. Seriously, I love my job, but at stressful times like these, I want time to cool off. Know what I'm saying? I want to take a vacation in China, buy a hooker, get laid, get wasted and for a few days just leave my damn troubles behind. So like I said, I don't mind being friends with ex girlfriends, I just don't think the concept is a wise move. Eventually, something is going to happen, emotions get hurt, and we end up being bitter enemies. I know. I've been through this like five times already. And just like history repeating itself, history repeats itself over and over again, and the same tragic ending occurs. I apologize if segregating myself from this sounds cold in the eyes of all of you, but it's the only surefire way I know of that won't result in me falling in the same rut twice.

Last night, I was informed that Eddie, the head prep-cook, had passed away peacefully in his sleep on July 4. God, and it was just that morning that I shook hands with the man before he ended his shift. I can't even explain how bad I miss him, I mean even for an old man in his sixties, he was a hard worker and got along well with everyone. You know, his humor was on par with the rest of us, and I remember when he gave me a dollar for every year old I was on my birthdays...I mean, when I started off as nothing but a rookie he took care of me, which meant a lot considering that it was pretty brutal on my first year. Now the kitchen just seems so empty now...I'd just like to take the time and dedicate this post to him, pay him his last respects, send the man a prayer and let you all know that this man was a legend in the company, and he will be greatly missed by us all. This whole company is like family, you know, and losing someone this close hurts as bad as losing a relative. So, Uncle Eddie, you will be forever in my memories.

Well, like all overconfident men in the United States, I too belived it would never happen, and sure enough when life's been sweet and the sun shines brighter by the day, Fate comes along and gives you a soccer kick straight to the balls, and sends both your nuts somersaulting over the field goal of depression. I'm talking about the woman I've been with for almost three years, the woman I was about to marry, for Christ's sake, decided to end our relationship today. Now, I'd like to just call out the fact that this alone redefines the meaning of "Independence Day..." Hell, it just feels like my life is about three fourths empty now. You know, it's kind of funny...you listen to her speak every day, and when you break up, it's the final speech that echoes inside your mind. She said we'd still be friends and still keep in touch, so I haven't completely lost her, but still...she was the only woman I've ever been with that I actually got so close to. Hell, this was the most I've ever cried for anyone...hell, the most I've cried over everything in my life combined. The reasons I won't list because they're personal reasons, mind you. Well, for what it's worth, I do wish her luck and the best life possile...I mean, I still love her, and probably always will even when I do move on. And I know that life does go on and I will eventually get back on my feet. It's just...damn...I will never meet another woman like her, you know?

It's been a while since my last update, been busy and all. And it doesn't help that for enduring life for over twenty three years, I rewarded myself with a new phone: BlackBerry...which I've been surfing the net more on that than on my laptop. The most disappointing thing I can say about it is that for reasons unknown, I'm unable to download pornos. Seriously, with a horn dog like me with the internet at his fingertips, I have to squeeze every inch of the dark side out of it. Anyway, life has been good these past few days. In DESPERATE need of new bakers, but it's nothing four guys can't handle...I guess. Well, we really have no choice. lol. Oh, I saw Wanted a few days ago, it's a pretty good movie...typical action movie: unreal scenes of awesome violence and a throwaway storyline that no one's going to pay attention to. Seriously, why does story even exist in an action movie? And my fiancee saw Hancock last night with some friends, and according to her it sucked. Don't ask me, I haven't watched it yet. And of course, the X-Files movie, if anyone still cares about the franchise. Mom's a X-Files nut, so I'm taking her to the movies on the 25th, I believe. Well, typical life of a baker: work for a few hours and slack off the rest of the day. (It's really not as extravagant as the television portrays.)

Just bought the game the other day...and to those of you who were pretty stoked about the game? You might want to rent it first. Not that it's a bad game, it's just one of those games that you'll probably beat in a few hours and never touch it again. Although, it does has its interesting moments: makeshift weapons, Hollywood action flick style scenarios, a new interactive way of item management and healing yourself, DVD style gameplay that lets you rewind or fast foward levels and chapters ( I don't get it either as to why they'd spoil the game like that ) and the one thing that's always been on my mind finally being answered, the ability to blink in first person view. Seriously, we all played COD4, Rainbow Six, etc. and when that annoying flashbang goes off, we're blind for a few seconds, and I've always longed for the ability to at least close my eyes instead of running behind a wall. Anyway, so far the game is between a 7-8 caliber rating in my view.

True story: I got my a friend on my list, who is actually a friend of a friend...thing is, he whines too damn much. Seriously, I had to decline five offers for COD 4 online, and tell him five times that I don't have the game, one of my boys is borrowing it. So I play Gears with the dude, okay? We're on opposing teams, so I whack everyone in my view whose reticle turns red, and he keeps messaging me to stop killing him. I try to abide, until this rat shoots me in the back of the head. So I do what I do best, and the host boots me off the server. Man, I tell you, people can be poor sports. But what's ironic is, however, that I'm more of a chill, relaxed, laid back kind of gamer. I goof off more than I do play games seriously, and usually multiplayer-wise, I suck...honestly. So if a crappy player kills you online, is it really that insulting when the one I killed has like a dozen more kills than I do?

You know, come to think of it, ever since I got my 360, it was a day and age of trying out new things. For example, Ghost Recon, Rainbow Six, Burnout, Virtua Fighter, Virtua Tennis, hell, even Spiderman and the Hulk...all a first for me. To be honest, I've never played the last-gen editions of any of these games. Now, isn't that a little strange and blasphemous at the same time? Heh, now I really do feel like a n00b.

You know, I think my mentality is fading away like last year's fashion trend: you see, I'm the kind of guy that would rather kill himself than have his failures become acceptable. If I'm not known for my hard work, I'd rather choose to be unkown. I do things for honor, not the rewards. If I can't be taught how to be the best at what I do, I learn on my own.

My reason for this is because the more I look at people around me, the more disgust I feel. People nowdays are doing such abysmal work, and it's good enough for everyone else. It's like everyone wants to be rewarded for every little thing they do, just because they took the time out to do it. People want money for nothing...they take tasks that seem over their heads, and give up because it's too hard for them...and still, they want to be compensated for their efforts.

Let me ask, what happened to pride? What happened to taking pride in your work, not for the money and glamour, but for the sake of putting the hard-earned time and care into getting something accomplished? I'll admit that I'm slow on the "thinking" part of life, and I'm no Harvard graduate, but in the real world, we get nothing for thinking, only doing something. And some peple are content with just quitting and becoming known as nothing but useless, as long as they get the easy way out of any conflict. So what if I work hard and have nothing to show for it...like they say, my work speaks for itself.

Seriously, anyone heard this song yet? From Flobots...it's a stupid song but I love the beats, and it also happens to be stuck in my head. Heh...you guys should definately check out that song.