Happy

St. Patrick's

Day!!!

1. "It has long been known" = I didn't look up the original reference.
2. "A definite trend is evident" = These data are practically meaningless.
3. "While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" = An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
4. "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" = The other results didn't make any sense.
5. "Typical results are shown" = This is the prettiest graph.
6. "These results will be in a subsequent report" = I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
7. "In my experience" = once.
8. "In case after case" = twice.
9. "In a series of cases" = thrice.
10. "It is believed that" = I think.

I FINALLY GOT IT!!! :D :D :D I told my mom on Tuesday that I wanted to get it on Friday, but the BMV was closed when we got there yesterday so I had to get it early this morning :D I also told her that I didn't want anyone to know I was getting it, so nobody knew I got it until I showed them my card :lol: My dad was really happy (especially since today is his birthday), but my sister was angry because I didn't tell her I was getting it today :( Apparently, she wanted to come with me to offer support :roll: Yeah right! :lol: She'd be making faces at me through the glass :lol: :roll:

Now I can learn how to drive :twisted: This is going to be fun...:twisted: :lol:

...and I'm having them for dinner tonight!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

1. You spend more than 50 dollars on photocopying while researching a single paper.
2. You can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
3. You look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
4. You regard Ibuprofen as a vitamin.
5. Professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
6. You find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
7. You have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them in the same general area.
8. You look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
9. You have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
10. You have a favorite flavor of instant noodle.
11. You consider all papers to be works in progress.

1. You have difficulty reading anything without footnotes.
2. You've ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied.
3. Saturday nights spent studying no longer seem weird.
4. You've ever traveled across 2 state lines to specifically go to a library.
5. You hope it snows during spring break so you can get more studying in.
6. You've ever worn out a library card.
7. You find taking notes in a park relaxing.
8. You find yourself citing sources in a conversation.
9. You are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
10. You have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
11. You rate coffee shops by the availabililty of wireless internet.

This is sad: I'm not a grad student, but numbers 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, and 9 describe me :shock: :lol:

What your professer really means...

1. My office hours are by appointment only = I like to get out of here early.
2. Bring the text to class. = I don't have a clue how to lecture - we'll just kill time with group read-alongs.
3. Let's check with Dr. So-and-so on that before we proceed... = I have no clue what this means and don't intend to find out myself.
4. Talk to the department secretary. = Leave me alone.
5. The tests will all be multiple-choice. = I take questions directly from the study guide, and have grad students do all my grading.
6. Don't come in late during my lecture. = I have the attention span of a fruit fly.
7. The final will be comprehensive. = I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn't fully cover myself in 15 weeks.
8. Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside my specialty - I'll just bluff it and let you teach.
9. I haven't had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. = The as*hole department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.
10. Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. = I'm so boring, no one would show up otherwise.
11. We'll have to cover this chapter quickly. = I screwed up on the lecture schedule.
12. I'm postponing today's exam. = There's stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.
    

Before I show you that, here's a joke my mom sent me :D

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic
surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her,
"Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to
do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but just look at what it did to your butt."

:lol: Now for the High Tech Humor: Virus Warnings

1. CLINTON VIRUS
   Gives you a 7 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.
2. VIAGRA VIRUS
   Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
3. DISNEY VIRUS
   Everything in your computer goes Goofy
4. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
   Terminates some files, leaves, but IT WILL BE BAAAAACK.
5. LORETTA BOBBIT VIRUS
   Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows

1. MACARONI: Material for a collage.

2. MEASURING CUP: A kitchen utensil that is stored in the sandbox.

3. NAPKIN: Any warm cloth object, such as shirt or pants.

4. NUTRITION: Secret war waged by parents using direct commands, camouflage, and constant guard duty.

5. PLATE: A breakable Frisbee.

6. TABLE: A place for storing gum.

7. VEGETABLE: A basic food known to satisfy kid's hunger -but only by sight.

8. FRIED FOODS: Gourmet cooking

9. KITCHEN: The only room not used when eating crumbly snacks.

10. LEFTOVERS: Commonly described as "gross."

11. LIVER: A food that affects genes, creating a hereditary dislike.