I can't even remember the last time I posted a random sayings blog, so I thought I should add one today:D

1. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
2. Me, a skeptic? I hope you have proof.
3. Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
4. Money can't buy love, but it can rent a very close imitation.
5. My Hockey Mom can beat up your Soccer Mom.
6. My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
   Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
7. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
8. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
9. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
10. Never argue with an idiot. People watching may not be able to tell the difference.
11. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
12. Never look back unless you intend to go that way.
13. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
14. Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
15. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
16. Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them.
17. On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was, surrounded by trees, shrubs and bushes.
18. One nation, under God, with liberty, large fries, and a Coke to go.
19. One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
20. Over the hill? What hill? I didn't see any hill!

My freshman year in college, I had a roommate who was bright enough but had a tendency to speak before thinking. One day she walked in on us when my friends and I were having a conversation. "What are you guys doing?" she said as she entered the room. "We were just talking about Jim Henson." "Ohhhhh yeah, Jim Henson. Is he still dead?" Three of us burst out laughing while another roomie replied, "No, he's back from the grave and touring with Elvis this summer." She merely looked confused and left again.

I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.

My new roommate drove the 25 miles to his parents' house every weekend to pick up his mail. I asked him why he didn't just change his address so he wouldn't have to make the drive all the time. He said, "because then, my parents' mail will come here!" So, I never explained it to this guy (26 years old), I just let him make the drive for the next year. Porn catalogs, everything, went straight to his parents'.

I live with another woman who is about thirty years old. She is totally stupid. She has done a lot of stupid things and I am sure she will keep on like this until she dies. One day she was trying to fix the cable of a ceiling lamp because it was out of order. The first time she had an electric shock because she tried to fix it without switching off the main power. I thought that she would switch it off before she tries again but, for my surprise, she just wore a pair of gloves and tried again. I was amazed by her stupidness. I could not stand it anymore and asked her why she didn't switch off the power and she told me: "You are right. That's a good idea.."

In English, we read this short story called "There Will Come Soft Rains." Has anybody ever read it before? I thought it was really sad, but there was this poem in it that was also called "There Will Come Soft Rains" by Sara Teasdale. I really like it and thought it was worth sharing:D

"There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,

And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;

And frogs in the pools singing at night.

And wild plum trees in tremulous white;

Robins will wear their feathery fire,

Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

And not one will know of the war, not one

Will care at last when it is done.

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,

If mankind perished utterly;

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn

Would scarcely know that we were gone."

This is the last part of this series:D

A group of high school guys I know were out driving around creating chaos wherever they could. While coasting through a residential area, they realized that they were doing about 55 mph and seeing as how it is a 25 mph zone, they were really risking it. Lo and behold, a cop spotted them and turned on it's lights, ready and willing to give the driver a massive ticket. Being the extreemly smart people these guys are, they decided to out run the cop and hide in a parking lot. Just so happens the parking lot they chose was the police station parking lot.

I used to work at an outdoor tourist attraction in Arkansas. One day a man came up and asked if I had a wire coat hanger as he had locked his keys in his car. I gave him a spare hanger that I kept for such emergencies and he proceeded to try to get into his electric-locked automobile. He struggled for 15 or 20 minutes in the 90 degree heat and was becoming quite frustrated when his wife, who had been standing by watching said, "Well, if you can't get it with that -- here (pulling something from her purse) use my keys!"

There was once a man who was on the telephone with a computer/internet catalog company. He was ordering something from that company and the operator told him that she needed his credit card number. He responded with a simple "OK" and, after a long pause the operator responded "Well?" He then answered "I just sent it to you." It turns out he put his credit card in the disk slot. That's idiocy right there.

Because of my love of organic gardening, I decided to try a new and safe approach to the nasty corn worms I get in my home garden each year.I read in one of my books that if I put a drop of mineral oil on the tips of the ears that worms wouldn't eat my corn. When I told my wife about this new idea she said " How do you know where their ears are " she thought I was going to put it on the worms ears.

After working in grocery stores for years I thought I had seen it all. Until going to a store in an upscale suburb.The day after Thanksgiving a woman walks up to me and demands a refund on her turkey,it seems that after taking the plastic off she and her children were so upset by finding the plastic bullet used to kill the bird they couldn't eat Thanksgiving dinner. (NOTE: The "plastic bullet" she was referring to was the pop up timer that pops up when the turkey is done cooking)

At Kroger the clerk, girl about 19, messed up the register and had to subtract $22.73 from $40 and got a paper and pencil out but could not do it. When I told her how much change I had coming she would not take my word for it. She held the frustrated line for over 5 minutes and finally gave up and said" you'd better be right or I will get fired for shortages"

Up until recently, I worked in a grocery store. One day, an elderly couple came up to me holding a carton of Breyer's Vanilla Ice Cream. The old man shows it to me, and says, "Look her, what are 'bean specks'? Written on the lid was "With real vanilla bean specks". I tried to explain, but his wife was like "They aren't lima beans, are they?" At first, I thought she was kidding. Nobody could be that stupid. I guess I was wrong. She wasn't kidding. I then explained that vanilla comes from beans.

One time, when I was working, I asked a customer if they wanted their groceries bagged in paper or plastic. She was like "I want a bag". I looked at her and asked again. "I want a bag." I sighed and picked up a paper bag. She was like, "That's not a bag, that's a sack." Um, whatever, lady. Since then, I've had a lot of people who just say "I want a bag." Once, I practically had to shove the bags in some guys face before he finally said which one!

Heading out on our dive charter off the coast of Florida, we started to get some rain showers. One newcomer to the sport said " Everything's getting wet, will we still be able to dive? Almost in unison everyone said " Noooooo." We led her on for a while until we couldn't stand her depressed look anymore.

I don't have school today!!!:lol::P It was cancelled because of all the fog:P I'm so excited because I get to go shopping with my mom and sister later:D We never have much time together anymore because they're always working and my sister is always spending time with her boyfriend {and yes, he's the one that likes to throw marshmallows at me:roll:}

Another thing to look forward too: AVATAR SEASON 3 IS PREMIERING TONIGHT!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D I can't wait!:D

Here's a joke for you:D:

"According to a national organization that studies obesity, nine of the fattest states in America are in the lower third of the country. In other words, geographically, America has a fat a*s."

A few years ago, my friend stopped at the drive thru window of a fast food place in Maryland around 9PM. The girl took his order and he proceeded to the window. When he got there, the girl said, "Oh, I'm sorry, we're closed!". He told her, "But you just took my order!". "Oh, okay." she said. So, she went ahead and filled the order. Then she said,"that will be $4.27." He gave her a five. When he didn't get any change back, he asked "Where's my change?" She said,"We've already closed the cash register."

Sheriff's deputies reported that Leslie Durnell was drunk when he climbed into an unmarked sheriff's car at 1:50 am Saturday and asked to be taken to an address. When ordered out, he became verbally abusive and struck an officer who tried to arrest him, they said. "What the f--- kind of taxi are you," he was quoted as saying in a police report.

My friend was working out in the weights room for soccer. She was ready to get on the bench press but decided that she needed to take off some of the weights; she can't bench 350. Anyways, she took off about 100 lbs off of one side and let go of the bar. The laws of gravity took over and the bar swung up and hit her in the face. Needless to say, she got a pretty nasty black eye.

After taking a small break, I figured it was time to add the rest of these:D

One night when some friends and I were staying at a hotel in the cities, one of my friends got scared about someone coming in our window. But the best part was we were on the 12th floor. We asked her well how would they be able to get up here, we're on the 12th floor. She said, "Well, my dad has a ladder that long!" We said "A 12 story ladder?"

My Auntie pulled up to the McDonalds drive through and started to order her dinner. It was several minutes before she realized she was speaking to a trash container, quite a crowd had built up by that time including myself, so all the family heard about this one.

A while back my sister was over. I have some land so I was out in the back shooting a new rifle I bought. She was standing next to me and asked if she could shoot it? I told her she could, but to be careful with the scope not to get it on her eye. 10 stitches and a swelled up eye later, I asked her why she didn't listen to me?...... "I thought you where talking about mouth wash"!!