For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, 

it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from 

National government employee performance evaluations: 

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom 

and has started to dig." 

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more 

of a definite won't be." 

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like 

a rat in a trap." 

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change 

feet." 

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." 

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails 

to achieve them." 

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." 

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the 

better." 

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it 

all together." 

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary 

ignoramus." 

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier." 

13. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime." 

14. "He's been working with glue too much." 

15. "He would argue with a signpost." 

1. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
2. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
3. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
4. Mr. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
5. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
6. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
7. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
8. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
9. Man, honest. Will take anything.
10. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Some of you might have heard these before. I'm sorry if you have:(

1. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
2. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
4. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
5. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
6. For sale; and antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
7. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
8. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
9. For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
10. Great Dames for sale.

I was sitting in my Computer Studies class doing absolutely no work, when my friend Faye ran over and said, "Sarah! Sarah! I just found out this GREAT thing!" So I said "What?" "When you press down that key with the up arrow, and press a letter, it comes out as a CAPITAL! Isn't it great! Now I don't need to keep hitting the caps lock key!" We have been doing computer studies for 2 years.

In my homeroom I got dragged into a conversation about grades.Suddenly one girl says, "I'm a straight A student." Because, for some reason, I was placed in the terminally stupid class for homeroom I asked, "Then why are you in this class?" She replied seriously, "Oh, I get straight A's but sometimes I get F's."

A few years ago in grade 7 we had to do a report on a country. I chose Switzerland because my grandpa was from there. Some guy in my class chose the Philippines. We did our reports and when we handed them in I noticed his title page had a picture of the map of Canada on it. I said "Why in the HELL do you have a Canadian map on your page???" To which he responded "Oh no, don't tell me the Philippines are in America."

We had just finished this western movie for English class and we were discussing how it would be to live back in the 1800's and this girl in my class said "it would probably suck because everything was black and white back then any way." To this day she firmly believes that before Technicolor everything was black and white.

Well, today is the day that Danny Phantom officially ends:cry::cry::cry: I can't believe it's going to be over!:cry: I hope we'll be able to bring it back:(

In my tenth grade HONORS English class we discussed the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. The brilliant student in front of me raised her hand in confusion at one point. With a small voice she asked if bulls were born with "those gold rings" in their noses. When we told her, in jest(duh), that she happened on a gold mine and should breed bulls for gold she was happy for the rest of the day. It wasn't until she asked her father about cattle prices that she realized her own gullibility.

In Grade 10 Sex Education class, the teacher pulls out a condom. She then explains what it is, how to put it on a guy, etc. One girl starts thinking out loud:"So that goes on....and then it goes....OH!!" She had just figured sex out all by herself.

Picture this, 8th grade Science class, no less, and this girl, a blond, raised her hand and with the most serious expression on her face and asked...."What's Einstein's last name?"

In my high school government class, one of my (not so bright) classmates asked the teacher if we would have to take a star off the flag if Quebec seceded from Canada.

Since I started school today, I thought this would be appropriate:D

Picture it ... American History. 8th Grade. We're discussing, oh, I don't know, maybe World War I. Out of the blue, a girl raises her hand and asks our teacher (who, in turn, simply stared at her like she had lobsters crawling out of her ears), "Are there 49 states in America, or 51?" Amid the general disbelief in the room, she explained her reason for asking: "Because if Puerto Rico is a state, then there's 51, right? But if it's not, then I guess there are only 49. Right?"

We were in class on day and we (keep in mind that this person is 17 years old) were locating state capitals as a review. Her state was Washington. Her response? "Washington, D.C."

Aaahhh Chem 3 memories. One experiment we did used Hexane, and we had some left over. One of the BRIGHTER students said, "Gee, I wonder if Hexane burns?". We all laughed and said, "Go see.", not expecting him to do it. Well, one match later, 5 foot high flames shot up out of the sink. "OH NO!", as turning on the water. (Hexane FLOATS) 8 foot high flames char the ceiling. We dubbed him 'Hexane' for the rest of the semester.

In a history class one day a blond was handing out tests. She thought she would be cute and say "does everyone have a little testy" testy meant like doggy or mommy, not knowing how it would come out.

I only have one story for this category, but it's long so I think it will be okay:wink: If you have any stupid driver stories, feel free to share:D

I used to vacation with a few friends at a cottage in northern Ontario. The morning of this particular tale we set off at about 8 a.m.; four of us traveling in our own cars, loaded up with the necessary baggage and food for our stay. Three of us arrive at the cottage at about the same time, having made the trip in just over an hour and a half, but our friend Gus is conspicuously missing. Just after noon he rolls up in his shiny new point-of-pride, a CRX.

He casually gets out of his car to a round of questions, everyone wanting to know what'd taken him so long.

He replies "What do you expect, guys, this is a brand new car," which we're apparently supposed to take as sufficient explanation. Of course we ask him to elaborate; so he obliges....

"No, I didn't stop for anything, I just drove slower." Why? "Well, you know that if you drive slower you'll put less mileage on your car, don't you?"

Yes, folks, he *was* serious, and was even offended at our doubting his radical speed/distance theory. He went on to explain, exasperated at our stupidity in the face of reason, "When you're driving, just look at your odometer, first when you're driving around town, and then look at it again when you're on the highway. You've gotta notice that the odometer rolls a hell of a lot faster when you're go'n' 60 or 70 m.p.h."

It took us hours to convince him that he was not saving any mileage driving slower. We needed maps, rulers, calculators -- it took every resource we could pool, even a demonstration, to make him believe us. But I still think Gus is out there, somewhere, driving around at half the speed limit....

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

Aseverely disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say he's still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh. (Carlin)

Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail.

The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, "Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

Believe it or not, these are true stories:lol:

A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

I'M STAYING!!!!!

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Reading your comments yesterday and seeing how many people will miss me have changed my mind:D I remember saying that I would never leave, and I'm going to keep that promise:D:wink:

I don't like the changes that have been happening here at TV.com, but there is nothing I can do to stop them. Why should I give up and leave? If I leave now, there will be even more changes and a lot more people might leave:( I really don't want that to happen:cry:

I already see alot of the DP regulars are planning on leaving:cry: I hope you guys change your mind. We promised we were going to stay andfight for Danny, regardless of problems and setbacks. The n00bs are just one setback that we canovercome or control ifwe stay. PLEASE DON'T GO!!!! Let's give it one more shot:D Why should we let them chase us away? We were here first!

You all are very special to me:D I love you all more than my friends at school. I can't believe I even considered leaving:cry: I was angry and upset when I wrote that last blog; please forgive me for posting it:)

I'm starting my sophomore year at high school on Wednesday, so my time here will be limited, but I swear I'll still come on:D

If anyone still wants my email address, feel free to PM me and I'll give it to you:D:wink:

I promise to start the funny blogs again tomorrow:wink: I've got something good planned:wink: