I got two new editorships yesterday:D One is for Geraldine Somerville. She plays Lily Potter in the Harry Potter movies. The other is for Denise Nickerson. She played Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

1. A blonde goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says: Doc it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts! Doc what's wrong? The doctor answers: Your finger is broken!

2. Hickory, dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one, and the other two escaped with minor injuries.

3. "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"

4. Tea or coffee?
   Coffee, without cream, please.
   It will be without milk, we have no cream.

5. Lady calls up police department: Officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building.
   Dispatcher: OK, we'll be right over, lady.
   (Five minutes later at her apartment.)
   Officer: Which way, lady?
   Lady: This way officer, he's still shamelessly baring himself.
   Officer: Where is he, lady? I don't see no naked man.
   Lady: Oh, you have to look through this telescope.

6. A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.
   He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
   He says, "What's this?"
   She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
   He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh..I..."
   She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

I got a new editorship!!!:lol: This one is my third one in just 3 days!!:shock::D It's for Amelia Warner, she will be playing Maggie Barnes in The Dark is Rising coming out in October:D Here are some mini jokes:

1. Two old ladies are walking through a museum and got separated. When they ran into each other later the first old lady said to the second, "Oh my! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?"
   The second old lady replied, "Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh the penis on it was so large!"
   Where upon the first old lady accidentally blurted out, "...Yeah, and cold, too!"

2. There was an ad in the newspaper it said
   "Wife and Dog missing, Reward if u can find the dog"

3. "I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'

4. "A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad."

5. 12 Stages of modern love
   JANUARY - ROSE
   FEBRUARY - PROPOSE
   MARCH - GIFT
   APRIL - LIFT
   MAY - CHATTING
   JUNE - DATING
   JULY - MISS YOU
   AUGUST - KISS YOU
   SEPTEMBER - ANGER
   OCTOBER - DANGER
   NOVEMBER - LEFT
   DECEMBER - NEXT

1. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
2. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
3. I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
6. If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
7. If someone says, "I know what I mean, but I just can't put it into words," he doesn't know what he means.
8. IF U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
9. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end ... someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If you loan someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
11. If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
12. If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
13. I'll never understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
14. I'm not 50. I'm 18, with 32 years experience.
15. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
16. It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans.
17. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
18. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
19. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
20. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Here is the last part of the stupid inventions:

1. Seatbelts for motorbikes
2. Double sided playing cards
3. Parachute that opens on impact
4. Training wheels for cars
5. Waterproof toilet paper
6. Book: How to Read
7. Fireproof matches
8. Watches for your ankles
9. Mind reader device that allows you to read your own mind
10. Instant face lift device
11. Inflatable anchor
12. Sugar-coated toothpaste
13. Mirror necklace
14. Super-glue post it notes
15. Dehydrated water
16. Deck chairs for a submarine
17. Air bag motorcycle jacket
18. Electric banana straightener
19. Electric dog polisher
20. Glow in the dark sundial
21. Petrol based fire extinguisher
22. Trash can on a motorbike
23. Rubber Kleenex
24. Driver's manual in Braille
25. Glass hammer
26. Glow in the dark sunglasses

I have also got a new editorship!!!:D This one is for Annie Parisse, she used to play on Law and Order and she was in Monster-In-Law, National Treasure, and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. This is my second editorship in 2 days!:shock::lol: I wonder if I can keep up my streak:wink:

Title says it all:D I'm the editor of Haley Ramm:D She was in Yours, Mine, and Ours, X-Men 3, and she will be playing Gwen Tennyson in the Ben 10 live action movie. I tried to add a picture, but it won't let me, so here is the link if you want to see them:

http://us.imdb.com/name/nm1391252/

Some of these things are patented, but most of them aren't. Good thing too:lol:

1. Fork with alarm clock installed
2. Dictionary with index
3. Water proof towel
4. Pedal powdered wheel chair
5. Water proof teabags
6. Inflatable dartboard
7. Underwater hairdryer
8. Solid ping pong ball
9. Wooden fork
10. Felt jumper cables
11. Inflatable PC
12. Avalanche prevention goggles
13. Battery operated nuclear power plants
14. Fluorine candy bars
15. Sundial wrist watch
16. Checkered paint
17. Saluting device for soldiers
18. Eye protector for chickens
19. Smooth sandpaper
20. Fireproof cigarettes

1. Shin ski
2. Pet shower
3. Knee skates
4. Finger-tip tooth brush
5. Doggie umbrella
6. Submarine with a sunroof
7. Motorbike with air conditioning
8. Left handed pencil
9. Helicopter with ejector seat
10. Wooden barbecue
11. Chocolate tea pot
12. Solar panel torch
13. Tent with doorbell and security camera
14. Motorized ice cream cone
15. Duct tape wallet
16. Snumpers: Bumper stickers for your sneakers
17. Tattoo sleeve
18. Paper airplane earrings
19. Battery powered battery charger
20. Black highlighter

Most of these items are actually patented:shock: Why anybody would want one of these is beyond me:lol:

1. Diaper alarm
2. Baby cage
3. Bird powered blimp
4. Car bib
5. Human car wash
6. Dimple drill
7. Wearable Dog House
8. Fish bath
9. Wig Flipper
10. Gerbil shirt
11. Kissing shields
12. Lip Clip
13. Meditation bag
14. Milk gun
15. Arm mitten
16. Head napkin
17. Pogo shoes
18. Propeller leg
19. Chin putter
20. Shoulder saddle

Sorry about putting two blogs in one day, but I got a new icon:D I got tired of my Danny Phantom icon, so I settled on a Code Lyoko one instead:D The Danny Phantom icon is now my profile picture. Danny Phantom is still one of my favorite shows, but I'm not as obsessed as I used to be:cry:

I also found this on Youtube:D It's the season 3 preview of Avatar:D I don't know if you've seen it already, but I thought I'd share it just in case:wink:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqFjzzMb5Xk

1. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
2. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
3. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the jobto others.
4. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
5. It doesn't matter how often a man changes his job. He still ends up with the same boss.
6. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
7. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
8. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
9. Motivation alone is not enough. When you have an idiot and you motivate him or her, you now have a motivated idiot.
10. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
11. I joined a health club last year and spent about 400 bucks. I didn't lose a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.
12. I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
13. I never repeat gossip, so please listen carefully the first time.
14. I planted some bird seed. A bird grew. Now I don't know what to feed it.
15. I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.