Okay. So the whole "let's learn more about twilightlullaby" seemed to be sort of a big hit. More popular than the flashbacks! That's a good thing. But I've decided not to let myself have all the fun...I have not learned how to tag people but...that's not going to stop me from this anyway. If you'd like , all of the people who are my mutual friends are "ordered" to write a blog like mine. 15 things about themselves. You know a lot about me, so I want to get to know all of you better. C'mon! Don't be shy...but don't feel "too" obligated. It's not a life or death thing and I know all of you must be busy people. I know I am.

Enough about all this. Today, I was working to help our library sort books. And this really old man (I'd say 60 at the youngest) was hitting on me. XP Very creepy. I had to run away to another section (this was all for a book sale) to get away but evidently I looked like a children's book person so they sent me back over. ...not fun. I did get a huge box of books for twenty bucks though. Oh yeah, there are some rewards. I just feel disturbed about that.

---twilightlullaby

Okay, so on (I believe it was) queen_valentine's blog (I do occasionally check out other blogs but not necessarily track them), there was a list of 15 things about that user. I thought it would be cool to do my own "15 things" blog too...so here it is.

1. I am a girl. As I have told many of you thousands of times, not a big fan of being called a dude. This goes a long way back so don't take personal offense.

2. I am a semi-vegetarian , meaning that while I will eat poultry and fish, I won't eat red meat. It makes me feel like I will get a heart attack afterwards.

3. I (these are all beginning with I!) have two pets, a cat and a dog. The cat is affectionately known as "chibi-chan" and the dog is simply known as , "the stupid mutt" or "the monster." :P

4. Big fan of NOT watching American Idol or other stupid reality TV shows. I just can't stand it.

5. Another thing that annoys me are fan girls/boys. I can understand if you like something but for the love of all that is Holy, please do NOT let that thing be Eragon. I can respect most other things but not Eragon or that !*@&##%#! Christopher Paolini. >X(

6. Whew, one thing I do like to do is (in my "spare time") cosplay or make costume stuff. I enjoy just design in general. Not gonna major in it though.

7. I'm going to the Distant Worlds concert in June! Yes!!!! !!!!!

8. Still a student. I have (at least it feels like) a long way to go.

9. I am convinced that the burgers at McDonald's are made out of corpse meat. No wonder everyone around here likes them so much...:O

10. Hmmm...sometimes in my spare time I like to stare out into space and think of plot ideas for the various stories I write. Never works very well though. I get a little too lost. *grins*

11. My favorite character ever has to be...probably Aerith. She's my role model.

12. Currently single and depressed!

13. Favorite color= green

14. I tend to use lots of symbols in place of cursing ala Final Fantasy VII.

15. I'm a very pessimistic person in real life...

Okay, so those were my facts. It trailed off in a few places...but now you know a little more about me.

---twilightlullaby

Well, today was suprisingly not painful. I had some issues with a couple people, but hey, who doesn't? Today was the dress rehearsal of my play. o_0 Yes, it's the night before the opening night when the play "officially" opens. The guy who condescends to me (hereafter known as "Zack.") did the stupidest thing. He said something about curing the butterflies in everyone's stomachs. I didn't have any 'til he brought it up. Oh well, he is SORT of funny. Mind you, only sort of. The stage manager (you know the dude in charge of props, etc) is the funniest guy ever. And a great person to work with. For the most part. Today he forgot a chair and I had to convince the girl who was supposed to be out there to go out. I told her that, "the guy out there will give up his chair for you." Ha. As if. After all this women's right junk happened (not that I'm against that; I'm all for it! Well, the smart stuff anyway. Some of it is a little...weird.) , guys stopped being so darn polite. I like it when guys open doors for me. Really, it should go both ways... Anyway, yeah tonight was a long night.

Quick question: What do you guys think of my new blog header? Yes or no? (your answer should be, "Off course, I like it!)

----twilightlullaby

Today, for a change, I decided to write about how my life is doing right now, the stuff I've been working, for a change of writing. Flashbacks are all very good and well but too much and it starts to feel forced.

I was working at the place I work this afternoon and I needed to get a costume for my character. So we had to go over to costuming and get all the pieces together. I was warned beforehand of the costume lady. The girl who works with me said, "She'll never give us the nice pieces. She either says 'Well I don't want to use this. It's too nice.' or invent a fictionous character who wears them." Going on that, I picked out some nice stuff...the usual and all that, couple of skirts, shoes, bodice...and I was saying how much I enjoyed costumes. BIG mistake. The costume lady said, "They're not 'costumes,' they're your clothes." Ouch. I felt like an idiot after that. My boss (who is the nicest EVER) said , "Technically, they ARE costumes. But since we wear them all the time..." It was pretty funny, not to mention humiliating. I'm not going to disclose the details of WHERE I work since that's sort of...not a good idea.

Anyway, I've been thinking lately. About my avatar and changing it. I dunno if anyone else feels the same why, but I have issues. I think that users ACTUALLY look like their avatars. So if you had a cutesy Moogle avatar, I would think of you like that. Ditto Rinoa or Link or whatever. Does anyone else have that problem? If I changed my avatar, would that mess people up? Probably not. Still...

---twilightlullaby

How did I...err the girl screw up? She did one of the worst things you can do at that age: be a witch. An evil terrible witch. She had a couple of friends from grade school but they all forgot about her because they were home-schooled and she was public schooled. If you don't understand the differences then...it's just really stupid. Home-schoolers are convinced that people who go to public school are loud, foul-mouthed, drug-using jerks and public-schoolers are convinced that home-schoolers are nerdy dorks who win lots of spelling bees and have no social life. I have done both. I can say with all honesty that both suck in their own special way...*laughs* So on with the story. She alienated her friends by ignoring them and being mean to her guy friend by flirting and then being a jerk alternatively. Which is despicable. Seriously. I'm a girl. And I know it's wrong. And then she kept liking the jerky guy at school even though he was a total retard He made fun of the sweet old lady teachers and said crass things about certain parts of the anatomy. Keep in mind that this is 6th grade I'm describing. Some of the details are a little foggy but this is what it was like. But then it hit her like a load of bricks. The guy really was an ugly jerk. What had made her like him in the first place? It was just one of those crazy things. A hormonal surge. Unfortunatly he had only just found out about her liking him. She denied it with all her heart. But everyone else knew and never told him. The troubles weren't over yet. There was still half a year left. Could she make it? You bet all the gil I stole from Sephiroth , she did! Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this. I would be dead and hidden in one of the gym lockers. :P More to come soon about....the 2nd half.

After writing this, I'm starting to realize that a lot of what happened is funny. But also disturbing. Some of what happened then affects me subconsciously now. Like why I don't trust people in general. And how I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells with a lot of my friends. I just don't get it. That's why I'm just writing this all out and posting it on the Internet. Because...maybe someone out there will. Get it I mean. This may seem stupid and all...but...it was a big deal then. Hey, it's still a big deal now. Cause I have to get these problems out in the open. Or else I'll just have to live with keeping everything inside and that is NOT a good thing. Never is.

I thought that since I've been sort of gloomy lately , I might add a nice happy little bit to all this. On Friday, I will finally end the play that I'm in. By end I mean have an opening night and finally have a "real" audience. With applause and flowers. This will be great because after that...my load (of work) will go down. Maybe down enough to finish the flashbacks. And start on some new stuff. I bet all of you can't wait! (being sarcastic)

---twilightlullaby

I can't sleep. This is sort of predictable since I've diagnosed myself as an insomniac. Not to mention all the stuff that keeps me up.

As I said before, with friends, there must come enemies. The list wasn't horribly long, just your usual people: jealous cheerleader (what she was jealous was beyond her. She wasn't horribly popular), popular girls, some guys...as I said, the usual stuff. Then she found the "guy of her dreams." (This makes me so sick looking back on all this). He was not remotely cute in anyway. He was a very ugly boy with glasses and a bad case of acne (I have acne too. This is not intended as an attack). But she was a nerd too. And she truly believed that she liked him. Her friends, however, were dubious of his claims. As one put it, "He looks like a pile of horse &^#! ." But love is blind or rather blinding. She would fawn over him and think about him sometimes. But then one day, she found out that truth. He didn't like her. It happened in the cafeteria when everyone had been pulled up for speaking loudly. She was standing at one of the front tables, happy in the nice new pants she had gotten (they were a nice shade of lilac). Then she heard him whisper to his friend, "Who does she think she is , standing up there like a fat cow? God, she is so fat." The girl's mouth sort of got dry. She started to feel like someone had stepped all over her. Basically it hurt. A lot. Then she started to realize something. She was sort of big. Who did she think she was, thinking she could be cute and funny like everyone else? Fat girls didn't have a hope in hell. So she screwed up. Big time.

You will have to wait at least a month for the next part. I think I'm skipping stuff, not to mention losing my touch. I hope I'm not ticking off the people who read this too much.

Oh and one last thing, I want to give a shout-out to all the people who read and comment on this. In a way, it's sort of like a fiction story. You know who you are. I just want to say (and PLEASE do not take this the wrong way) that I love all of you for commenting. It really makes my day. Sorry to get all emotional on you guys.

---twilightlullaby

So, the girl was depressed. Very depressed. Nothing helped, not even stupid stuff. She became an expert at hiding her emotions from everyone. Her parents, her friends...everyone. She loved her grandfather a lot (not to say that no one else did, rather on the contrary) and she had good memories of everything. But what had crushed her the most was when he died. He died on the night of her Christmas concert. While he died, she sang songs of celebration about...Christmasy stuff. That made her hate Christmas. And Valentine's Day. Everything that had to do with loving someone. She thought, "What the hell is the point of loving someone if the person you love is just gonna die anyway?" It would be a while before love or at least a twisted version came into her life.

The next year came, bringing terrible news. Along with the girl starting to feel like she could be happy again came the news of going to middle school for the first time... I don't know how any of you felt about middle school but this crushed her spirit. For the time. But the girl decided to suck it up and take the good with the bad and just go to school with a smile. The first few months were tolerable. The girl made some friends...and with friends must inevitably come enemies.

Heh, heh, heh, so what do you think now? Have I lost any of you yet? Sigh. This is unrelated but today I got some "great" news. My great-uncle died. My uncle, the enigma. So full of life, you couldn't even imagine him dying. He'd always be different and loud and talk a lot but he was lovable. It may seem like not a big deal to some people but when someone you KNOW dies...it hurts. It just really hurts...

---twilightlullaby

believe it. It's just like magic. Beautiful wintry magic, even though it's supposed to be spring. As I type this, it's snowing like mad outside. And it's not stopping one bit. I am a snow fanatic but I hope that this doesn't prevent the museum I work at from opening. That would definitely suck. I love (never would admit it) working there.

In case none of you have noticed, does anyone recognize a certain game being parodied in my blog posts about snow? No hints, just use your !&%$#@!* brains (as Cid would say). It should be obvious. Sort of. And entirely (for the most part) unintentional.

So...I believe that earlier I might have promised stories about my past? What better time to start then now?

A long time ago, in a mystical and faraway land name Dlaxraym, there lived a girl. A young girl with dreams and hope and happiness. Sort of like Aerith but not as skinny. She was happy. Happy and content to live her simple life with parents who sheltered her from everything. Until one day. The day she found out that her beloved grandfather had died. To quote a certain chocobo-headed man, "My mouth is dry. My eyes are watering. I can't even breathe (something like that)." Then she became emo (take into mind that she was a grade-schooler at the time) and took upon herself the shroud of a Vulcan.

Whew, that was draining. So, what do you all think? Lame and cheesy enough for you?

---twilightlullaby

I've decided to do something bold. Something daring. Something that will make all of my friends on Gamespot hate me: I will reminisce about my past. About the horrors of being fat (yes I was very overweight at a point in my life. L ) , falling in love with my best friend , and going through death at the age of ten. All of these will be covered (between my weekly rambles about nonsense), over the next few months, scattered here and there when I remember. I'm warning you now, this may include: stupid references to things only I will understand, lots of angst , and some minor suggestive themes and/or cursing. Just like a video game label by the ESRB. *grins*

So, onto the good stuff. This week, I tried to talk my friend out of having me mail her boyfriend a picture of Cloud and Aerith and labeling it with her name and the name of her boyfriend's best friend. Not important but still. I need to just get it out into the open.

And on my gaming front, I spent 2 WHOLE HOURS on FFXII. Yeah! That's what Saturdays are for! I love that game so much. As much I as thought I'd love FFVIII (which is...not my favorite...to say the least...but it's still awesome. Especially Rinoa and Zell! My two favorite characters of course. I despise Quistis. >.< ) and its romance. Yeah...not so much. My favorite bits are those with Laguna in them. He's such a character. Now I can tell I'm starting to get tired. Prepare for the worst as I am your crazy ultimate female gamer:

---twilightlullaby

Before I start, I want to say one thing: I have never been a big fan of Final Fantasy IX. I played it for about three hours and then quit. This was over holiday break, when I was very sick.

A couple months ago, on ffonline, one of the mods gave this gushing review about the fan singer on you tube. I was thinking to myself, "Okay, this sounds kind of biased and over-rated." I didn't check it out. Recently (about 5 days ago?), I decided to look it up in my "spare time" (I use this phrase lightly). I kid you not when I say this is pretty good. My favorite piece is "Rose of May." Her versions of "Aerith's Theme" and "You're not Alone" are decent but feel a little...I dunno. Done already (especially "Aerith's Theme")? But I would recommend at least checking her out (the singer is , of course, female) before making an assumption. If you don't like her, then you can send me an angry PM about how crappy my review was.

The reason I haven't posted millions of times this week is because of my laptop. When I try to post on GameSpot, the font goes wacky and won't type or it will come out slowly. So I decided to "cheat" and type this up on Word Processor.

Speaking of, have any of you played LOTR: The 3rd Age? I keep getting this eerie feeling that it's a knock off of Final Fantasy. Thoughts on this?

---twilightlullaby